


You Have 200+ Unread Messages

by horace_flippin_oconnor



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: 'friendship' ;), 'yo dude wanna see a picture of my cock', Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben is baby, Beverly is Queen, Beverly lives with her aunt and, Bill and Stan have that soft sorta 'friendship', Billy is kind of a softie, Eddie Kaspbrak is Bad at Feelings, Eddie Kaspbrak is So Done, Eddie Kaspbrak is Soft Boy, Eddie is freakin' adOrAble, Eddie uses Ben and Mike as comfort babies, Everyone is Gay Except Ben Hanscom, Except Henry, Fluff, Georgie Denbrough Lives, Like, Losers Club (IT) Group Chat, Maggie and Went are The Finest Parents Out There™️, Mike has a secret relationship lmao, Modern-Day It, Multi, Pennywise? we don't know her, Richie Tozier @trashmouth : hey @Stanley_the_Manly, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Stan has the 'I'm Not Tsundere I Just Really Hate You' Aeshetic, Tag As I Go, This is A Big Fuck You To Pennywise, Well - Freeform, and her dad, beverly and richie and stan are besties, bill and richie love sports, eventual mention of smut ;), imma stfu, lets make that a real tag lmao, most of them are bi, or bffs, or not just 'friendship' ;), or smth, slight angst, sometimes there are social media interactions, sorry that kinky lil' shit lives, they are all very happy, they deserve to be happy, they're 17 or 18, we don't talk about him, what evs, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 14:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 29,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21910171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horace_flippin_oconnor/pseuds/horace_flippin_oconnor
Summary: Bill : yeah so i realized we all need a group chat like 7 minutes agoBill : so iBill : did thisEddie : it was for fun and not for anything important, huh?Bill : maybeorBill makes a group chat for the Losers Club and it's a total disaster
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 90
Kudos: 371





	1. The Creation of Literal Hell

**Author's Note:**

> 💠yes so this, uhm, yeah, this was uh, inspired by most chatfics out there so you might find a stolen Richie Tozier dick joke™️ out there and yeahhhh <3

Dec. 11, 4:02 P.M.

_Bill Denbrough added Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon, Ben Hanscom, Eddie Kaspbrak, Stanley Uris and Beverly Marsh to the group chat._

_Bill renamed the group chat to The Losers Club Official Group Chat_

Bill : yeah so i realized we all need a group chat like 7 minutes ago

Bill : so i

Bill : did this

Eddie : it was for fun and not for anything important, huh?

Bill : maybe

Mike : bill, yearning the crackhead replies of a teens' group chat like^^^^

Bill : hey !!!!!!

Richie : wassup assholes

Beverly : no cussing in my official Christian group chat!!!!

Bill : this is my gc, thank you

Richie : bill make me admin

Bill : no

Beverly : bill make me admin

Bill : no

Ben : billy make me admin pls :(

Bill : sorry, no

Ben : :(((((

Stanley : bill make me admin

_Bill has officially made Stanley a chat admin._

Richie : that's gay

Beverly : that's gay (2)

Eddie : that's sexist

Richie : wHaT wOuLd YoU kNoW aBoUt SeXiSt EdS

Beverly : wHaT wOuLd YoU kNoW aBoUt SeXiSt EdS (2)

Stanley : DON'T CALL ME EDS

Bill : dOnT cAlL mE EdS

Ben : Don't call me eds

Mike : dONT CALL ME EDS

Richie : 'DONT CALL ME EDS'

Beverly : 'DONT CALL ME EDS' 

Eddie : DONT CALL ME EDS

Eddie : oh wow fuck you guys

Mike : sorry eddie

Ben : it was just too obvs

Bill : but anyway guys STOP IT

Bill : it isn't gay

Bill : stan is just the most sensible of the group so he's practically made to be the admin

Bill : if eddie was admin it would probably result to richie being in a permanent ban

Eddie : accurate

Richie : mean :( how could my love be this rude

Eddie : DON'T call me that

Ben : but i'm sensible :(

Bill : well, yes, you are sensible, but what if it comes to someone very insistent

Richie : **@Beverly Marsh**

Beverly : **@Richie Tozier**

Ben : accurate

Bill : now imagine richie as admin

Beverly : oh god

Mike : oh god (2)

Eddie : it would legit be hell

Beverly : disaster.

Stanley : DESTRUCTION.

Eddie : as i said, hell

Richie : oh spaghetti, don't be so upsetti

Eddie : SHUT YOUR STINKY WHORE MOUTH DICKWAD

Richie : not as stinky as your mom's underwear

Beverly : disgusting

Mike : disgusting

Eddie : DISGUSTING

Eddie : fuck you all

Richie : you're so obvs ;)

Eddie : especially you, fuck you

Richie : later

Bill : well NOW

Bill : Stan is preferably most sensible

Eddie : do you even know what that means

Bill : shush

Bill : he's even more sensible than me :)

Beverly : as if you ever were sensible

Bill : SHUSH

Bill : i'm only an admin cuz i created this disaster

Stanley : shall i remove you as chat admin then

Bill : please don't :(

Stanley : ok :)

Bill : :)

Stanley : :)

Richie : **#relationshipgoals**

_Stanley sent a picture._

_[picture_of_stan_flipping_off_at_the_camera.jpeg]_

Richie : thanks luv <3

Bill : some of you guy's names are ridiculously long

Beverly : be - ver - ly, THREE syllables are long?

Bill : i mean in my notifs they are long

Beverly : whoops lemme change that

_Beverly set her name to Bev._

_Stanley set his name to Stan._

Richie : i see what's going on

_Richie set Eddie's nickname to Eds._

Eds : yOU LITTLE--

Richie : let's hope we're not talking about dick sizes here

Eds : fuck you

Richie : at least let me take you out to dinner first ;)

Eds : stfu

Richie : never >:)

Stan : i guess that's why they call you 'trashmouth', huh

Richie: Tozier's the name, Trashmouth's the game

Eds : that doesn't even make sense

Richie : u kno u luv me baby ;)

Eddie : don't

Richie : don't what

Richie : hm

Richie : don't what, huh

Richie : huh eds

Eds : one more time and i'll fucking remove you

Richie : okay spaghetti

Eds : i fucking hate you

Richie : no you don't ;)

Bev : okay but can you all shut the fuck up I'm watching A Little Lady on iCinemax

Bill : that shitty film? on that shitty channel?

Bev : stfu

Bev : i used to think that too but i caught my cousin watching on it and now we've been hooked on it for hours

Mike : yeah it's actually not shit bill.

Mike : i'm watching it at a friend's house and it's pretty nice tbh

Richie : but you're not at my house

Eds : but you're not at my house (2)

Ben : but you're not at my house (3)

Bev : but you're not at my house (4)

Bill : but you're not at my house (5)

Stan : but you're not at my house (6)

Mike : hey!!!! even i have friends outside of the losers club

Bill : gasp

Bill : how could you

Mike : y'all so domineering :(((

Bill : sorry

Bev : fyi Ben's at my place watching w/ me

Bev : i managed to convince this cutie to snuggle with me 

Ben : !!!!!

Ben : Bev!!!! it's not like that!! ////

Stan : that's flirting

Richie : that's flirting (2)

Bill: that's flirting (3)

Eds : ok but please i'm tryna nap!!

Mike : just put your phone on silent eddie

Richie : oh just let the princess have his beauty rest ;)

Richie : not that he needs it, he's too beautiful for my eyes to handle anyway.

Stan : that's also flirting

Bill : that's also flirting (2)

Mike : that's also flirting (3)

Eds : stOP THAT JOKES GETTING UNFUNNY

Richie okay but **@Beverly Marsh **what's it about?

Bev : a little lady ?

Bev : 'bout a poor, ill-mannered girl who wants to change and go to a finishing school but many challenges face her and she tries to be a 'lady' in the process

Bev : watch it

Bev : it's hilarious

Bev : (with slight angst but whatev)

Richie : i already am watching it tho

Bill : is it really that good ?

Bev : ye

Richie : ye (2)

Bev : YES my son thinks so too

Bev : i'm proud of you son

Richie : thanks mom

Bill : imma go downstairs to watch it 

Bill : oh wait georgie's already been watching since earlier

Bill : shit 

Bill : IT REALLY IS THAT FUCKING GOOD.

Stan : update; i'm now watching A Little Lady on iCinemax with my sister

Richie : hECK YEA WE GOT A WATCHING PARTY.

Eds : i'm the only one who can't, ugh.

Eds : i faked sick today since i was in a bad mood

Richie : well, eds, if only you never got jealous of me hanging out with that chick katie then maybe you wouldn't be in a bad mood.

Richie : you know i only have eyes for one Kaspbrak 

Richie : and i hate to break it to ya, but it ain't you.

Eds : first, i was never jealous.

Eds : second, fucking disgusting.

Bev : fucking disgusting

Bev : awwwwwwww he said it first :'(

Eds : sucks to be you.

Stan : okay but can you all like SHUT THE FUCK UP i cant watch A Little Lady because of all of these sounds

Ben : what sounds

Stan : the 'dings' on your phone that you get when you get new notifs

Bill : let's all listen to stan and get back to watching this little lady

Bev : a

Bill : i mean a little lady

Eds : ok, well let me get back to my nap

_Seen by Richie, Bev, Mike, Stan, Bill and Ben._

10:56 P.M.

Bev : i bet all your asses are still on iCinemax

Bill : ...

Stan : sadly, yes

Mike : the movie playing is Resident Evil: The Last Chapter

Ben : we all know that since,, we're all on it

Mike : just fyi ^^^^

Richie : the only person bevvie lost that bet to was eds

Bev : whoops

Bev : *most of your asses

Bev : that's better

Richie : okay but all of you shut up because you're all gonna wake Eddie up (knowing he never puts his phone on silent)

Bill : awwww

Richie : what

Bev : son you're a fucking softie sweetstack sometimes

Mike : is sweetstack even a thing

Mike : ?

Bev : is haystack even a thing

Mike : ok

Richie : well,, i guess i might be an asshole most of the time but,, i actually love and care for y'all <strike>especially eddie</strike>

Bev : awwwww

Stan : i guess,, we,, uh,, love you too richie.

Richie : :) <3

Richie : ok but seriously shut the fuck up

_Bev, Stan, Bill, Mike and Ben reacted 'Heart' to Richie's reply._

3:27 AM, Dec. 12

Richie : 'heehoo peenut' -John Wiscley, about to be eaten by a fucking glob

Eds : richie i appreciate how you were caring for if i woke up earlier but rn it's fucking 3am and YOU fucking woke me up

Richie : sorry eds

Eds : don't fucking call me that or i'll fucking remove you

Bev : bet you're still watching iCinemax

Stan : The Lost Boys and The Dungeon

Mike : yeahhhhhh

Bev : btw look at this cute eggroll

_Bev sent a picture._

_[pic_of_ben_snuggling_and_snoring_in_a_blanket_on_the_couch_with_bev.jpeg]_

Bill : awww

Bill : that's fucking cute

Bev : as if he isn't already

Richie : wish me and ed's mom got it that far

_Eds removed Richie from the group._

Bev : oMF--

Stan : he actually did it-

Mike : I

Mike : I can't--

Eds : I'll add him back in the morning

Eds : goodnight

Bev : more like 3am, lol

Bill : good-3am

Mike: good midday

Stan : goodmidnight

Eds : stfu or i'll remove all of you

_Bev, Stan, Mike and Bill reacted 'Haha' to Eds' reply._


	2. I Think You're Hot, Most of the- No, All Of The Time...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill : rise and shine everyone!
> 
> Bev : i never slept
> 
> Stan : me too
> 
> Mike : you insomniac freaks
> 
> Bill : *you iCinemac freaks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♛yeah so, wow early christmas special! nice. i guess. i wrote and finished this at 2 am and i was really tired so it might be really bad????? wow please kill me♛

_6:03 AM, Dec. 12_

Bill : rise and shine everyone!

  
Bev : i never slept

  
Stan : me too

  
Mike : you insomniac freaks

Bill : *you iCinemac freaks

  
Bev : iCinemac

  
Eds : i wish richie never woke me up earlier

  
Eds : that reminds me 

  
_Eds added Richie Tozier to the group._

  
Richie : good morning, my beautiful eds

  
Eds : i'm not beautiful

  
Richie : good morning, my eds

  
Eds : i'm not yours

  
Bev : you wish to be

  
Eds : no

  
Richie : good morning, eds

  
Eds : don't call me that

  
Richie : good morning

  
Eds : this has been a terrible morning

  
Richie : morning

  
Eds : that's better

  
_ **Richie is a gay loser lol** _

  
bi-verly : y'all like i just freakin' realized eddie hates every compliment richie ever makes

  
stanly is not-so manly : oh ? give live example

  
bi-verly : ok

  
** _The Losers Club Official Group Chat_ **

  
Bev : eddie, personally i think you're really cute

  
Eds : aw thanks bev <3

  
** _Richie is a gay loser lol_ **

  
bi-verly : **@Richie Tozier** compliment eddie in the gc, like,, rn

  
gay dumbass in love : why?

  
bi-verly : backread

  
gay dumbass in love : mk

  
_ **The Losers Club Official Group Chat** _

  
Richie : yo eds tbh you're fucking adorable, at, like,, most of the time

  
Richie : i mean,, all of the time

  
Bev : wow

Eds : stfu

  
Richie : :((((( am just saying

  
Bev : yeah!!!1 why don't you appreciate it

  
Stan : appreciate when he's not being an asshole for once

  
Richie : nice way to put it :')

  
Eds : ok!!, fine

  
Eds : uh

  
Eds : thanks,,

  
Eds : rich

  
Eds : i think you're,,

  
Eds : kind of

  
Eds : hot

  
Eds : too,,

  
Eds : most of the time,,

  
Eds : or,

  
Eds : i maen

  
Eds : *mean

  
Eds : all of the time,.??

  
_ **Richie is a gay loser lol** _

  
_bi-verly sent a picture_.

  
_[eds_complimenting_richie.jpeg]_

bi-verly : wow

  
Stanley is not-so manly : nice

  
Gay dumbass in love : uh

  
Gay dumbass in love : i know for one thing that,, he texts like that when he's flustered, embarrased or nervous

  
bi-verly : so that means !!

  
Stanley is not-so manly : that richie isn't the only gay idiot in our midst

  
Gay dumbass in love : hey! as if you aren't

  
Stanley is not-so manly : yes but i'm not an idiot

  
Gay dumbass in love : fair enough

  
** _chicken man << moo_ **

_chicken man sent pictures._

_[richie_complimenting_eddie.jpg]_

_[bev_forcing_him_not_to_be_a_total_jackass.jpg]_

_[eddie_hesitantly_complimenting_richie.jpg]_

  
chicken man : i

  
chicken man : he

  
chicken man : he called me adorable

  
moo : and he calls you beautiful all the time. so?

  
chicken man : yes but

  
chicken man : I.

  
chicken man : FUCKING

  
chicken man : CALLED

  
chicken man : HIM

  
chicken man : H O T.

moo : and?

  
chicken man 'i think you're kind of hot too most of the time,, i mean, all of the time,.?' !!!

  
moo : eddie.

  
chicken man : mike-

  
moo : EDDIE.

  
chicken man : mIkE--

  
moo : calm down boi

  
chicken man : I AM CALM

  
moo : 😒

  
chicken man : OK I'M FUCKING NOT

  
moo : calm down

  
chicken man : no

  
chicken man : i canT

  
moo : CALM DOWN 😤

  
chicken man : ok

  
moo : he compliments you all the time. you complimented him once he's probably not thinking about it so calm down

  
chicken man : ok but

  
chicken man : 'hot'

  
moo : didn't he call you adorable?

  
chicken man : but-

  
moo : calm

moo : you have no reason to panic at all!!!

chicken man : ok, thanks mikey, for,, letting me be a gay dumbass

  
moo : anytime.

  
moo : now go!!! back to the gc

  
moo : (only because bill is confused as to why the chat died suddenly)  
_seen by chicken man_

** _The Losers Club Official Group Chat_ **

bill : hey?

  
bill : anyoneeee ?

  
bev : ye

bill : ok noice

  
richie : **@Eddie Kaspbrak** uh, you too, i guess

** _Richie is a gay loser lol_ **

  
bi-verly : lol wow

  
Stanley is not-so manly : lMAO WHAT.

  
Gay dumbass in love : stfu i didn't know what to say

  
bi-verly : ok lol

  
** _The Losers Club Official Group Chat_ **

Eds : .

  
Richie : .

  
Eds : .

  
Richie : .

  
Eds : .

  
Richie : btw tell your mom she hot af too 

  
Eds : ew

  
Bev : **@Stanley Uris** peace has been restored with a 'your mom' joke😂😂

  
Eds : what

  
Richie : nothing

  
Richie : btw y'all nicknames are so lame

  
Eds : especially mine

  
Richie : shush

  
Richie : let me change that ;)

  
Stan : fuck

  
_Richie set his name to 'Hot most of the time i mean all of the time'._

  
Eds : stOP

  
'Hot most of the time i mean all of the time' : ok hahahahahha

  
'Hot most of the time i mean all of the time' : let me shorten it

  
_'Hot most of the time i mean all of the time' changed his name to Hot._

  
Stan : unaccurate

  
Eds : ^^^

  
Hot : shush

  
Hot : btw **@Eddie Kaspbrak** YOU'RE the one who said i was 'hot all of the time'

  
Eds : shut the fuck up

  
Hot : never

  
_Hot changed Eds' name to Eds Spagheds._

  
Eds Spagheds : wHY.

  
_Hot changed Stan's name to Manly boi._

  
_Hot changed Bill's name to b-b-bitch._

  
_Hot changed Bev's name to Flaming queen._

  
Eds Spagheds : WHY DOES ONLY BEV GET A GOOD NAME

  
Hot : because she's the only one in this group who really loves me

  
Flaming queen : <3

  
Hot : <3

  
_Hot changed Mike's name to moo._

  
moo : **@Eddie Kaspbrak** our nicknames

  
Eds Spagheds : oh yea hahahahah

  
_Hot changed Ben's name to eggroll._

  
Hot : wait something's missing

  
_Hot changed eggroll's name to adorable eggroll._

  
Flaming queen : 👌

  
_Hot changed the group name to losers on crack._

  
b-b-bitch : legit👌

  
b-b-bitch : btw guys i was wondering if y'all want a christmas party for the losers tomorrow

  
b-b-bitch : ?

  
b-b-bitch : if none of you are busy, that is

  
Eds Spagheds : i'm tired of spending christmas break with my mom

  
Eds Spagheds : so i guess i'll fake sick again and sneak out ?

  
Hot : really, eds? i never even get tired of spending time in BED with your mom. i'm disappointed in you future stepson

  
Eds Spagheds : that's fucking disgusting

  
moo : sure!!!! not like i have anything to do anyway

  
Flaming queen : mk

  
b-b-bitch : y'all want an exchange gift thing or

  
Flaming queen : YES

  
moo : you bet

  
Manly boi : ok then

  
Hot : duh

  
Eds Spagheds : k

  
b-b-bitch : so is getting gifts for everyone okay for y'all?

  
manly boi : see our answers above^^^

  
b-b-bitch : okie then!

  
Flaming queen : oh oh i can bring the good stuffs!!!!!😍😩👌

  
Hot : oops, now i can't wait

  
b-b-bitch : i did not intend on getting everyone drunk but thats fine too.👌

  
Eds Spagheds : when are we starting 

  
b-b-bitch : 6 or so 

  
Eds Spagheds : mk

  
adorable eggroll : gm guys

  
b-b-bitch : gm

  
moo : good morning

  
Eds Spagheds : gm ben!!!!!

  
Manly boi : Good morning Ben.

  
Hot : yo, mornin'

  
adorable eggroll : i almost forgot i'm at bev's house lol

  
adorable eggroll : oh so we're having a christmas party tomorrow?

  
b-b-bitch : yes

  
adorable eggroll : oh that explains bev stealing bottles of whiskey and taking it up to her bedroom then

  
Hot : lmao WHAT

  
Flaming queen : tru

  
Hot : how many bottles ?

  
Flaming queen : 12

  
Hot : nice, nice👌

  
Eds Spagheds : won't your aunt notice?

  
Flaming queen : she assumes my older cousin takes them and she doesn't really mind so she buys like dozens of them every month lol

  
Hot : oh btw i'm gonna set up mistletoes

  
Manly boi : uhm-

  
b-b-bitch : yes sure put it up its fine!!!

  
Eds Spagheds : fine for you if you and stan end up under it

  
Manly boi : stfu

  
b-b-bitch : stfu

  
Eds Spagheds : i've been attacked by the softie lovers ! :0

  
Eds Spagheds : wait so where is it gonna be held

  
Flaming queen : LMAO we all forgot to ask the most important thing, but srsly where's it gonna be

  
b-b-bitch : richie's

  
Flaming queen : wat

  
Hot : the folks ain't home tonight >:)

  
Hot : and tomorrow

  
Hot : and the day after that

  
Hot : AND the day after that

  
Hot : and ALSO the day after that

  
Hot : buisness trip for like a week or so

  
Hot : they think i'm 'responsible' enough

  
Manly boi : obviously they thought wrong

  
adorable eggroll : i can bring the decor!!

  
b-b-bitch : ok!

  
b-b-bitch : wait can someone help me and ben set it up today???? :(

  
Manly boi : me!!!

  
b-b-bitch : thanks :)

  
Manly boi : :)

  
moo : i'mma bring the most important thing of all:

  
moo : FOOD

  
moo : like two tables full of it

  
moo: ... and a half

  
Eds Spagheds : oml YES

  
Eds Spagheds : mike is literally best cook.

  
Eds Spagheds : oh and **@Mike Hanlon** i'm going to help you!! i'm pretty sure you won't be able to make all that in a day

  
Eds Spagheds : by yourself, of course

  
Hot : tis gon' be a FEAST

  
Flaming queen : oh and btw iCinemax plays christmas-themed movies now so maybe we can watch it tom.?

  
Flaming queen : oh and it's decided that like literally right now 

  
Hot : i know, i'm still on it

  
Manly boi : sadly, me too

  
b-b-bitch : i gave up on it after Lost Boys in The Dungeon

  
b-b-bitch : oh btw what about 'party' games?

  
Flaming queen : spin the bottle!

  
Hot : truth or dare!

  
adorable eggroll : suck and blow?

  
b-b-bitch : yes yes and yes.

  
Manly boi : no, not suck and blow. istg if richie's mouth ends up on mine again i'll fucking kill you all.

  
b-b-bitch : ok nevermind the 'yes' on suck and blow, we're not doing that.

  
adorable eggroll : ok :(

  
moo : lmao you don't want to play suck and blow cuz you're worried someone else might steal stan's first kiss lmaoooooo

  
b-b-bitch : nO ITS NOT THAT MIKE🙄

  
b-b-bitch : stan just doesn't want to, that's all

  
Hot : of COURSE bill would do anything stan says

  
b-b-bitch : fUCK IT'S NOT THAT TRASHMOUTH

  
Hot : lmao okay

  
Hot : this party will be so PERF

  
Flaming queen : everything you do is so PERF

  
Hot : you don't even gotta go to WORK

  
Flaming queen : YOU SO PERF

  
Hot : YOU SO PERF

  
Flaming queen : YOU SO

  
Manly boi : STOP

  
Manly boi : it's still too early for this shit.

_Hot and Flaming queen reacted 'Haha' to Manly boi's reply._


	3. Choke Me, Daddy~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> b-b-bitch : y'all ready for later?
> 
> Hot : duh
> 
> Manly boi : Yes.
> 
> Flaming queen : yASSSSSSS
> 
> moo : ye
> 
> Eds Spagheds : mhm
> 
> adorable eggroll : yes!!!!
> 
> b-b-bitch : ok, well, that's good. early xmas to y'all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❄so.  
i was really tired while making this soooooo? it might be bad???? tell me down in the comments if there's anything wrong because-- i didn't proofread this, thanks and merry christmas❄

_Dec. 12, 12:09 PM_

  
_ **bill <3 >> stan <3** _

  
stan <3 : Wait, so what time do we have to be at Richie's?

  
bill <3 : 2pm

  
stan <3 : Oh, okay.

  
bill <3 : oh and btw, do you want me to pick u up later?

  
stan <3 : Sure! I'd love that. :)

  
bill <3 : ok see you later :)

  
stan <3 : <3

_2:31 PM_

** _losers on crack_ **

  
Hot : yo **@Bill Denbrough @Stanley Uris @Ben Hanscom** wher u at

  
b-b-bitch : Yeah, we're on our way. I don't know about Ben though.

  
b-b-bitch : By the way, this is Stan.

  
Hot : i could tell by the good grammar, bill wouldn't be able to type that out even if he tried

  
b-b-bitch : Bill told me to text to you to 'Kindly go fuck yourself'.

  
Hot : gladly

  
Hot : btw y r u 2 together????

  
Hot : wait

  
Hot : omg

  
Hot : gasp

  
Hot : are you--- ;)

  
b-b-bitch : No, you fucking dumbass.

  
b-b-bitch : Bill, being the nice guy he is, just kindly offered to pick me up, that's all.

  
Hot : aw, how boring

  
Hot : i bet the reason why the two of you are taking so long is because you guys are making our in his car rn

  
b-b-bitch : richiW yoi littlr shiT iugudg8FYU

  
b-b-bitch : I took the phone from Bill. No texting while driving.  
_Hot reacted 'Haha' to b-b-bitch's reply._

  
adorable eggroll : sorry rich, bev promised to drop me off at yours today but she urged me to watch the end of this movie with her lol

  
adorable eggroll : i might take a while

  
Hot : hahahaha you sick fucks still on iCMAX?

  
Flaming queen : who you calling sick fucks Tozier 😤

  
Hot : sorry mom

  
Flaming queen : tbh i don't really mind being called a sick fuck but if your ever call ben that istg rich😤

  
Hot : ok shortie

  
Flaming queen : tF RICH WE'RE BOTH THE SAME. HEIGHT.

  
Hot : no, i'm taller

  
Flaming queen : yeah, by a MILLIMETER  
_b-b-bitch, Hot and Eds Spagheds reacted 'Haha' to Flaming queen's reply._

  
Eds Spagheds : i've only just sneaked out of my house to go to mike's and i heard my mom scream my name just rn whoops

  
Hot : i hear your mom screaming MY name every night, too.  
_Eds Spagheds reacted 'Angry' to Hot's reply._

  
Eds Spagheds : THAT'S DISGUSTING, RICHIE.

  
Hot : tHaT'S dIsGuStInG, rIcHiE

  
Hot : srsly tho, u ok?

  
Hot : are you coming home later after that??? she might be angry

  
Eds Spagheds : it's fine, it happens most of the time its normal, no need to worry

  
Hot : but i DO have the need to worry

  
Eds Spagheds : you really DONT need to.

  
Hot : Well, if you insist.

  
Hot : give me a call if something's up, ok?

  
Eds Spagheds : ok.  
_Seen by Hot, Flaming queen, Manly boi, moo, b-b-bitch and adorable eggroll._

** _Richie is a gay loser lol_ **

_bi-verly sent a picture._

_[richie_caring_for_eddie.jpeg]_

  
bi-verly : wow

  
bi-verly : an asshole and a softie at the same time

  
Stanley is not-so manly : Get you a man who can do both.

  
Gay dumbass in love : fuck off  
_Stanley is not-so manly and bi-verly reacted 'Haha' to Gay dumbass in love's reply._

** _losers on crack_ **

adorable eggroll : **@Richie Tozier** i'm hereeeeee!!!!!!!!

  
adorable eggroll : whoops that film took longer than expected

  
Hot : did u two make out instead ;) jk i'm coming

  
adorable eggroll : btw is stan and bill there already?

  
Manly boi : Yes.

  
Manly boi : We have been for ages.

  
b-b-bitch : yeah we didn't have anything to do since you weren't there yet so we started messing around a bit.

  
Manly boi : Mind the pictures of Eddie scattered in the living room.

  
Flaming queen : lol WHAT.

  
Hot : stfu

  
Hot : eddie's just adorable, okay?

  
Manly boi : ... thats creepy

  
Hot : besides i have pictures of all of you anyway

  
Flaming queen : thats even more creepier lmao

  
Hot : NO ITS NOT

  
Hot : I MEAN PICTURES YOU PUT IN A PHOTO ALBUM DAMNIT  
_Flaming queen, Manly boi, b-b-bitch and adorable eggroll reacted 'Haha' to Hot's reply._  
_Seen by Eds Spagheds_

_ **chicken man >> mo** _ _ **o** _

_chicken man sent a picture._

_[richie_claiming_he_has_pictures_of_eddie_because_he's_'adorable'.jpeg]_

  
chicken man : mIKE

  
moo : wtf EDDIE I SENT YOU TO GET ME EGGS AND BUTTER

  
chicken man : LMAO I'M SORRY

  
moo : 😤

** _losers on crack_ **

_6:42 PM_

  
Hot : y'all fyi we've finished decorating an hour ago so like we've been messing around before they get shooed back home at 7

  
_Hot sent an image._

_[stan_strangling_richie_while_bill's_arms_are_wrapped_around_stan_while_ben's_holding_the_phone_up_for_a_selfie_with_a_peace_sign.jpeg]_

Hot : groupfieeee

  
Eds Spagheds : **@Stanley Uris** strangle him harder, please

  
Manly boi : Gladly.

  
Hot : choke me daddy~

  
Manly boi : Now I really don't want to.

  
Hot : am i really such a turn off for you daddy?

  
Manly boi : Kindly fuck off.

  
b-b-bitch : btw Mike hasn't been chatting lately, wyd? **@Mike Hanlon**

  
Eds Spagheds : He's fine! he's just cooking food for tomorrow

  
Eds Spagheds : and i'm helping him btdubs

  
Flaming queen : lmao eddie you'd make such a good housewife tbh

  
Eds Spagheds : stfu

  
Hot : lmao **@Beverly Marsh** you said it

  
Flaming queen : would you like for him to be YOUR wife? ;)

  
Hot : sHUT UP

  
Eds Spagheds : tf  
_Manly boi and Flaming queen reacted 'Haha' to both Eds Spagheds' and Hot's reply._

_Dec. 13, 9:31 AM_

b-b-bitch : y'all ready for later?

  
Hot : duh

  
Manly boi : Yes.

  
Flaming queen : yASSSSSSS

  
moo : ye

  
Eds Spagheds : mhm

  
adorable eggroll : yes!!!!

  
b-b-bitch : ok, well, that's good. early xmas to y'all  
_adorable eggroll, Eds Spagheds, moo, Flaming queen, Manly boi and Hot reacted 'Heart' to b-b-bitch's reply._

  
_6:01 PM_

  
stan <3 : Uhm, hey.

  
stan <3 : Would you mind picking me up today? If it's okay for you

  
bill <3 : nonono it's fine i don't mind at all!!! i'll pick u up rn!

  
stan <3 : Thanks! <3

  
bill <3 : <3

** _Adorbs BABY💖💖 >> Hottie in red_ **

Hottie in red : yo

  
Hottie in red : like,,

  
Hottie in red : want me to pick u up rn???

  
Adorbs BABY💖💖 : i'd love that!!!!!

  
Hottie in red : mk

  
Hottie in red : 💖

_ **moo >> chicken man** _

moo : hey!! i need someone to come w/ me today to help me set up the food at rich's so,, can i pick u up 2day??

  
chicken man : sure!!

  
chicken man : i'll be ready in like 5 mins

  
moo : mk

** _losers on crack_ **

Hot : heyyyyyyyyyyyy where y'all at

  
Eds Spagheds : mike's picking me up

  
adorable eggroll : just waiting for bev

  
Manly boi : Me and Bill are on our way.

  
Hot : mk

  
Flaming queen : **@Ben Hanscom** srry i'm gonna be a little late just makin sure my bottles of whiskey are intact so they won't fly around my car

  
Hot : pft-

  
Hot : knowing bev, she drives rEALLY FAST

  
Hot : like, she's almost SPEEDING

  
Flaming queen : stop exaggerating

  
b-b-bitch : he's not

  
b-b-bitch : remember the time when we were still dating and you offered to drop me home?

  
b-b-bitch : i made the mistake of leaving the windows open and i made a mental note to take a taxi next time

  
Flaming queen : hey! rude

  
adorable eggroll : i should mentally prepare myself for this ride then

  
Flaming queen : nooooooo don't listen to them ben!!!!

  
b-b-bitch : lmao

  
Flaming queen : btw BILL NO TEXTING WHILE DRIVING

  
b-b-bitch : lol ok we'rr in richie's drivewsy anuway suhgsauyUGYSTh;/o3

  
b-b-bitch : This is Stan. I've only just noticed him.

  
Flaming queen : lmao 420 nuked

  
adorable eggroll : bev i'm still waiting!!!!!!

  
Flaming queen : lol sorry

  
Eds Spagheds : richhhhhhh me and mike are here!!

  
Hot : mk

  
_6:21 PM_

  
b-b-bitch : yo bev&ben y'all missing out rn

_b-b-bitch sent images._

_[richie's_AWESOMELY_decorated_house.jpg]_   
_[mike's_two_and_a_half_tables_full_of_delicious_food.jpg]_   
_[groupfie.jpg]_

Flaming queen : tf! u STARTED WITHOUT ME!!yh ujMcdj

  
Flaming queen : NO TEXTING WHILE DRIVING!!!! (ben)

  
Flaming queen : no need for that tho cuz we're here!!!!!!

  
Hot : mk

  
Hot : fyi i set up like mistletoes in every room so watch out y'all lol

  
Manly boi : you WHAT

  
Hot : i'm gonna push you and bill under one later lol

  
Manly boi : I'm gonna make sure you won't by strangling you.

  
Manly boi : wait

  
Manly boi : fuCK

  
Manly boi : DON'T FUCKING SAY IT

  
Hot : choke me daddy

  
_Manly boi removed Hot from the group._

  
b-b-bitch : lmao what the FUCK

  
Flaming queen : add him back tomorrow lol

  
_6:40 PM_

  
Flaming queen : this is turning out to be the best party ever

  
moo : lol richie got drunk already

  
_b-b-bitch sent an image._

_[bill_stuffing_food_in_his_mouth_while_stan_facepalms_in_the_background.jpg]_

b-b-bitch : mIKE THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING

  
moo : hey!!!! don't forget to thank eddie cuz he helped me!!!

  
b-b-bitch : ok, i will do just that

  
b-b-bitch : where is he anyway

  
Manly boi : And where's Richie?

  
Flaming queen : probably drunk in a corner

  
Eds Spagheds : don't worry guys we're both in his room

  
Flaming queen : omg

  
Flaming queen : are you- ;)

  
b-b-bitch : gasp

  
Eds Spagheds : wtf NO

  
Eds Spagheds : he's drunk and he wanted to make a TikTok w/ me

  
Eds Spagheds : so far he's made 9 vids

  
b-b-bitch : ew, tiktok

  
Flaming queen : stfu bill

  
Flaming queen : it's not THAT cringy

  
Manly boi : You only say that becuase you and Richie are TikTok famous.

  
Flaming queen : hush darling

Flaming queen : i'mma check it out on my phone rn lol

  
Flaming queen : omg lmao

  
_Flaming queen sent a video._

_[richie_(drunkly)_dancing_till_the_morning_on_tiktok_while_eddie_facepalms_in_the_bg.avi]_

Manly boi : What the fuck is that

  
Flaming queen : idk some demonspawn i guess

  
Flaming queen : here's another one lmao

  
_Flaming queen sent a video._

_[richie_AND_eddie_dancing_why_you_so_obsessed_with_me.avi]_

moo : wait

  
moo : i noticed something 

  
moo : OML

  
b-b-bitch : what

  
b-b-bitch : oh shit

  
Manly boi : @Richie Tozier are you really that fucking stupid to set up a mistletoe in your ROOM

  
Manly boi : Oh wait he's not in the group i can't tag him

  
Flaming queen : lemme add him back lmao

  
_Flaming queen added Richie Tozier to the group._

  
_Flaming queen set Richie's name to Hot._

  
Flaming queen : **@Richie Tozier** backread^^^

  
Hot : what

  
Hot : OH

  
Hot : oh shit

  
Eds Spagheds : fuck

  
Eds Spagheds : richie, WHY

  
Hot : I KIND OF HALF EXPECTED FOR STAN AND BILL TO COME INTO MY ROOM COMPLAINING HOW MESSY IT IS AND

  
Manly boi : accurate but WHAT THE FUCK RICHIE

  
Hot : lMAO SORRY

  
Eds Spagheds : sHUT UP AND KISS ME

  
moo : uh--

  
b-b-bitch : ;)

  
Eds Spagheds : nO I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT I SAID IT TO GET IT OVER WITHO A;LOI9FUHGYTAWUOJjfu

  
Flaming queen : whoops

  
moo : nuked

  
Manly boi : I bet your asses they made out.

  
_6:51 PM_

  
b-b-bitch : yep, they definitely fucked each other at this point

  
Eds Spagheds : NO WE DIDN'T

  
Flaming queen : he lives!!

  
Eds Spagheds : IT WAS JUST A QUICK PECK ON THE LIPS I SWEAR

  
adorable eggroll : aw, that's boring :(

  
Flaming queen : lmao bill's stuffed

  
Flaming queen : he went to get more of mike's mashed potato thing

  
moo : *mike AND eddie's mashed potato thing

  
moo : oh and **@Richie Tozier** & **@Eddie Kaspbrak** if you two REALLY didn't make out then gtfo of there

  
Eds Spagheds : we have

  
Hot : we're already out lol

  
Hot : btw

  
_Hot sent a photo._

_[bill_and_ben_under_a_mistletoe.jpg]_

b-b-bitch : holy shit

  
adorable eggroll : Get it done quickkkkkkkkkkkkk!

  
b-b-bitch : mk y not lmao

  
Flaming queen : lmao stan looks HORRIFIED

  
Manly boi : I am NOT.

  
Flaming queen : btw

  
_Flaming queen sent a photo._

_[stan_and_richie_under_a_mistletoe.jpg]_

Manly boi : WHAT THE FUCK

  
Hot : oh, get it over with stanley

  
Flaming queen : that looks so fucking weird lmao

  
Flaming queen : OML now EDDIE looks horrified wAHAHAH

  
Eds Spagheds : I AM NOT

  
b-b-bitch : dont worry, eddie, richie's first kiss was with you anyway

  
Eds Spagheds : sHUT UP BILK

  
Eds Spagheds : bill*

  
Flaming queen : lmao bilk

  
Hot : bilk

  
_Hot changed b-b-bitch's name to b-b-bilk_ _._

  
b-b-bilk : fuck

  
b-b-bilk : one day i'll do the same to you, eddie

  
b-b-bilk : i WILL AVENGE MYSELF

  
Eds Spagheds : oh, please do

  
Eds Spagheds : it will be better than this wretched 'eds spagheds'  
_b-b-bilk, Flaming queen, Manly boi and moo reacted 'Haha' to Eds Spagheds' reply_.  
_Hot reacted 'Sad' to Eds Spagheds' reply._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♫sooo uh this will be continued NEXT chapter because i am REALLY tired soo ye♫


	4. R a i d   h i s  f r i d g e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♕ohmigod i know i haven't been writing a lot lately and hhhhh i'm sorry!! i usually write at night time when no one's awake and that sounds pretty terrible considering 1. i'm tired 2. i don't have any ideas when i'm usually tired sooooo i'll try and write more this time!! and btw,, late happy new year?? bye♕

_8:27 PM _

moo : fyi do NOT go near the punch me and eddie made because richie fucking spiked it

moo : that thing is pure alcohol now

adorable eggroll : i could've sworn bill had a drink or two

Manly boi : Fuck.

Manly boi : Where is he?

Flaming queen : I think i saw him puke in a bush somewhere

adorable eggroll : aunt maggie's gonna love the organic fertilizer by her rosebush

Flaming queen : LMAO

Flaming queen : btw

_Flaming queen set her name to drunk af. _

drunk af : wher is richie

drunk af : where*

drunk af : i wanna fucking beat him

moo : don't we all

Manly boi : ^^^

drunk af : how many mistletoes did he fucking set up?

_moo set Hot's name to mistletozier._

b-b-bilk : lmAo

b-b-bilk : idk he wanTeD a lott of et everywherw i;;a

b-b-bilk : sorry for the typos

b-b-bilk : my hands were still wet from vomit

moo : we didn't need to know that

_drunk af sent a photo._

_ [bev_and_ben_under_a_mistletoe.jpg] _

drunk af : this is why

moo : oh

moo : nice ;)

Manly boi : Whew--

drunk af : not that i dont want to he's just reluctant

moo : lMAO BEV YOU'RE SO FUCKIN OBVIOUS

Manly boi : Aaaaaaaand there they go.

_Manly boi sent a photo._

_[bev_and_ben_kissing.jpg]_

b-b-bilk : pretty sure they're the next of us to date pretty soon

moo : not so sure about that

Manly boi : ?

moo : nothing

_9:01 PM_

drunk af : richie and eddie has been dead for a while

drunk af : where tf r they?

Eds Spagheds : he forced me to driNk the PunCH

moo : omg lmao

b-b-blik : you're gonna regret that

Eds Spagheds : alreadY do

Eds Spagheds : trying so hard to Stay SoBer

Manly boi : Okay but where are you and what are you doing?

drunk af : more like who are you doing, and the answer is probably richie _Eds Spagheds reacted 'Angry' to drunk af's reply. _

Eds Spagheds : **@Stanley Uris **lemme show you

Manly boi : Oh no!

drunk af : please don't, we know perfectly well you and richie are making out _Eds Spagheds reacted 'Angry' to drunk af's reply. _

Eds Spagheds : 🖕

_Eds Spagheds sent a video._

_ [tiktok_vid_of_them_outside_on_a_bench.avi] _

b-b-bilk : ewwwww you're still on tiktok?

drunk af : shut

drunk af : you two come back in here rIght. NOW.

mistletozier : okay momo

mistletozier : mom*

b-b-bilk : HAHAHAHAH MOMO

moo : sTOP THAT BRINGS BACK TERRIBLE MEMORIES 

_Manly boi changed drunk af's name to Momo._

Momo : :(

adorable eggroll : what's so funny about 'momo'?

b-b-bilk : search it up

adorable eggroll : ok

adorable eggroll : jeez that's creepy

Eds Spagheds : we're back in

Eds Spagheds : i'm gonna collapse in richie's couch now ugh

moo : i LOWKEY READ THAT AS CROTCH HAHAHAHAHA 

b-b-bilk : 'im gonna collapse in richie's crotch now'

Eds Spagheds : y'all are weird af tf

Momo : yeah? well welcome to the loser's club asshole

Momo : oh and mike

moo : ?

Momo : i don't taste anything wrong in the punch

moo : oh no

adorable eggroll : there was something wrong in the punch? doesn't taste like it 

moo : OH NO

Manly boi : We're the only ones left, Mike.

Manly boi : THE APOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN.

moo : the funny thing is that they really do look like zombies

_moo sent a photo._

_ [the_punch_drinkers_all_collapsed_on_the_floor.jpg] _

Manly boi : I'll do something that'll get them up

_Manly boi sent a video._

_ [stan_shouting_LETS_WATCH_ON_ICINEMAX_and_all_of_the_losers_club_bolting_up.avi] _

moo : the only cure LMAO

Momo : OK BUT FIRST eXcUs uS WE PUke IN BU S;H

mistletozier : i puKeD in D broim closwt

mistletozier : broom cLOSET*

Manly boi : Uh, ok.

moo : nice

_12:01 AM, Dec. 14_

Manly boi : Well they've sobered up

Manly boi : Most of them are sleeping soundly

moo : oh

moo : oh yeah, bill totally is

moo : cuz he's in your ARMS

Manly boi : That remark is why I threw his head off my lap and next to Ben.

moo : lMAO WTF STAN

moo : HE WAS SNOOZING PEACEFULLY IN UR LAP UNTIL U DID THAT OML 

Manly boi : Well he can snooze peacefully on Ben's shoulder.

moo : ye ok hahahahah

Manly boi : Go ship something else.

moo : ok

moo : Bev and ben snuggling tho

moo : and THIS

_moo sent an image._

_[eddie_on_richie's_lap,_resting_his_head_on_his_chest.jpg]_

moo : THIS IS.

moo : SO.

Manly boi : Well at least he did manage to sit on his crotch _moo reacted 'Haha' to Manly boi's reply._

Manly boi : we never managed to play those 'party games', huh?

moo : we will

moo : we won't go home go home until the day after tmrw

Manly boi : Oh

Manly boi : Nice 

moo : the loser's club NEVER celebrates something only for a day

Manly boi : Oh yeah? How about my birthday?

moo : .

moo : wE WERE BROKE DURING THAT TIME OF DAY OK. 

Manly boi : Yeah, _right. _

moo : bruh like why are we texting each other we're like.

moo : 4 people away

Manly boi : Idk.

moo : let's go to sleep

Manly boi : Ok.

_12:12 AM_

moo : why the fuck are you awake and sitting straight

Manly boi : I refuse to sleep next to Bill because of you.

moo : lol ok

moo : you will eventually lmaooooooooooooooOoOoOoO

_10:27 AM_

Momo : rise and shine dickheads

mistletozier : now that you mention it, the only thing rising is my dick

Manly boi : Want to get unadded again?

moo : btw **@Stanley Uris**

_moo sent a photo._

_ [stan's_head_on_bill's_shoulder_whilst_asleep.jpg] _

moo : i told you it'd happen eventually

Manly boi : Shit.

Momo : awww sweet!!!!

Momo : why are we fucking texting each other we're like on the same fucking couch

mistletozier : so as to not fucking wake the sleeping beauties up, duh

Momo : oh ye

Momo : who's still sleeping?

moo : eddie, ben and bill

mistletozier : i can't fucking get up hE'S ON MY LAP

Momo : ahem

mistletozier : ????

Manly boi : Richie is a gay loser NOW.

mistletozier : NO, NOT NOW

moo : ??what??

mistletozier : HE MIGHT WAKE UP AND SEE THE TEXTS

mistletozier : I MEAN HE'S ON MY LAP AND I'M HOLDING THE PHONE IN FRONT OF HIM???

Momo : ok, fine

moo : ??wtf y'all talking about

Manly boi : Nothing you need to know.

moo : ??ok

Momo : but tbh i can't move too, me and ben slept snuggling 

Manly boi : Sadly, me too. I slept my head on his shoulder and he leaned his head against mine

moo : woohoo! i'm a free man

moo : advantages of not dating someone from the loser's club!!!!!!

Momo : does that mean you're dating someone who's NOT from the loser's club???????

moo : uh

moo : i never said that

Manly boi : Suspicious.

moo : no, no its not.

moo : btw i'm hungry

mistletozier : eat some of the food you made

moo : nah

moo : i want something more...

moo : breakfast-y

Momo : hmm...

Momo : raid his fridge

mistletozier : what

Manly boi : RAID HIS FRIDGE. 

Momo : RAID HIS FRIDGE.

mistletozier : PLEASE DON'T

moo : SACRIFICE EDDIE WAKING UP AND I WON'T

mistletozier : UH

Manly boi : RAID HIS FRIDGE. RAID HIS FRIDGE.

Momo : RAID HIS FRIDGE. RAID HIS FRIDGE.

mistletozier : UHHH

Momo : RAID IT MICHAEL

moo : THEN IT HAS BEEN DECIDED

moo : I WILL RAID HIS FRIDGE

Momo : WOOHOO

Manly boi : bring me a bowl of cheerios 

Hot : aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaA DON'T I HAVE ANY SAY IN THIS 

Manly boi : No, you don't. 

b-b-bilk : excuse me but what the fuck is going on here 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♚hhhhhhhhhh it will be continued. again. i might write another chapter this afternoon idk♚


	5. Feauturing Richie's Boner in: The Battle For The Fridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mistletozier : hEY BEV STOP SCREAMING YOUR ASS OFF,, I MEAN SOMEONE'S STILL ASLEEP????
> 
> Momo : ?
> 
> mistletozier : ED DIE???
> 
> Momo : oh sorry
> 
> Momo : are you worrieeeeed? ;]
> 
> mistletozier : yeah like duh who wants to be awaken by a bitch screaming 'GOOD MORNING BEN' at the top of their lungs??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ☂oh hello!!!!  
i'm laying low on writing for a while,fyi!!  
(not like i'm not already)  
but i might write every 2 days???  
because school is starting-  
so, yeah, that's it☂

mistletozier : oh! you're awake

mistletozier : please stop him from raiding my kitchen-

b-b-bilk : i would, but i can't

b-b-bilk : stan's leaning on my shoulder and he's asleep

b-b-bilk : i have to admit,

b-b-bilk : this is the best position i've ever been in

mistletozier : and so you admit

Manly boi : Excuse me, I'm awake.

_b-b-bilk deleted a message. _

Manly boi : What did he admit?

b-b-bilk : RICHIE.

mistletozier : oh, he was just talking about how badly he wanted to admit all of us to a mental hospital

b-b-bilk : accurate lmao

adorable eggroll : gm guys

b-b-bilk : gm

Manly boi : Good morning.

mistletozier : hEY BEV STOP SCREAMING YOUR ASS OFF,, I MEAN SOMEONE'S STILL ASLEEP????

Momo : ?

mistletozier : ED DIE???

Momo : oh sorry

Momo : are you worrieeeeed? ;]

mistletozier : yeah like duh who wants to be awaken by a bitch screaming 'GOOD MORNING BEN' at the top of their lungs??

Momo : or do you just want him to stay on your lap? ;)

mistletozier : maybe both _Seen by Momo._

_mistletozier deleted a message. _

b-b-bilk : what

mistletozier : none of your fucking buisness now pip pip talio motherfucker stop the cowboy from raiding my fridge

b-b-bilk : how about NO

mistletozier : what the fuck Billiam

Manly boi : Beg for it.

mistletozier : Oh, Sir Stanley Uris Denbrough, wife of Lord Billiam Denbrough, I beg you to stop the motherfucking cowboy from raiding my goddamn kitchen you asshole

Manly boi : No

Manly boi : in another way

mistletozier : please daddy

Manly boi : Last chance.

mistletozier, oh, jesus, FUCK OKAY FINE JEEZ

mistletozier : PLEASE STANLEY I FUCKING BEG YOU

Manly boi : That's more like it. Let's go **@Bill Denbrough**

mistletozier : you fucking sadist

_mistletozier set Manly boi's name to Sadist. _

Sadist : ok

Sadist : Rescue Mission 101:

Sadist : Save Richie's fridge from moo cowboy and wannabe Sophia Lillis

Momo : exCUSE ME???

Momo : I'M NOT A WANNABE YOU DIPSHIT 

Momo : I JUST LOVE HER A LOT OK

Sadist : Yeah, right.

b-b-bilk : ATTACK

Sadist : AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA

moo : AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAaAAaaAAa

Momo : my sacred weapon

_Momo sent a photo._

_[bev_holding_a_can_of_whipped_cream.jpg]_

mistletozier : fuck, pLeasE NO

moo : well, if you beg...

mistletozier : WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOU GUYS AND BEGGING

mistletozier : IS IT SOME SORT OF KINK OR WHAT _moo, Manly boi , Momo and b-b-bilk reacted 'Haha' to mistletozier's reply._

moo : i blame Stan

Sadist : I blame Bev

Momo : WHAT

Sadist : you MADE ME BEG FOR A PLATE OF SPAGHETTI YESTERDAY.

mistletozier : do you mean a plate of EDDIE?

b-b-bilk : you're lucky he's not awake lmao

mistletozier : no i'm not

mistletozier : if he WERE awake, i'd be reclaiming my kitchen

moo : wake him then

mistletozier : how about no

mistletozier : let him have his 'beauty rest'

Momo : Richie is a gay loser lol

mistletozier : HE'S STILL ON ME

Momo : ok u kj

mistletozier : since when have i been a killjoy?

Momo : shut up Richie

mistletozier : ok but when tf do you think he's gonna wake up?

Momo : when you wake him

mistletozier : no

Momo : okay, say bye bye to your whipped cream trashmouth

mistletozier : evil bitch

mistletozier : wait what team is ben on?

Momo : ours

adorable eggroll : Richie's

Momo : NoooOOOOOOOOOOO

moo : THATS SO UNFAIR

moo : YOU'VE GOT 3 ON YOUR TEAM WHILE WE HAVE 2

Momo : mean

mistletozier : THATS not MEAN

mistletozier : you know WHATS mean?

mistletozier : YOU raiding MY kitchen

Momo : fair enough aND STOP IT WITH THE EMPHASIZING ALREADY I GET IT JEEZ

moo : attACK!!!

adorable eggroll : oOF--

b-b-bilk : lmao ben's already down 

mistletozier : THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER BILLIAM

mistletozier : ONE OF OUR MEN IS ALREADY DOWN AND WE MUST F I G H T

moo : tragic, really

Momo : btw i'm claiming eddie on our team

mistletozier : hEY YOU CAN'T DECIDE THAT HE'S NOT EVEN AWAKE

Momo : WAKE HIM THEN

mistletozier : UGH

moo : plus, he's attacking you in his own way

mistletozier : oh yeah? how?

Sadist : By looking that adorable and snoring adorably on your lap which is probably giving you a boner rn

mistletozier : one, accurate

mistletozier : two, what the fuck stanley

Momo : what's accurate?

Momo : is eddie giving you a boner accurate?

_mistletozier removed Momo from the group._

moo : LMAO WHAT

Sadist : R.I.P Beverly Marsh February 2001 - December 2019 Last words: "Is Eddie giving you a boner accurate?" _b-b-bilk and moo reacted 'Haha' to Sadist's reply._

**The Queen >> Trashsoftie**

The Queen : hAHAHHAH WHAT THE FUCK TRASHMOUTH

Trashsoftie : I OUGHT TO SAY THAT TO YOU MARSH

The Queen: WHAT NOT LIKE IT ISN'T TRUE HAHAHAHHAHAH

_Trashsoftie blocked The Queen. _

**Beauty >> Bitch **

Beauty : HAHAH STAN ASK RICHIE TO UNBLOCK ME PLS

Bitch : oml. What happened?

_Beauty sent a screenshot. _

Bitch : Ok, lol

**losers on crack**

Sadist : FYI Richie blocked Beverly

b-b-bilk : LMAO WHAT

moo : I guess that explains beverly rolling on the kitchen floor laughing

adorable eggroll : haha what?

_Sadist sent a photo._

_[beverly's_screenshot.jpg]_

b-b-bilk : HAHAHHAHA WHAT

b-b-bilk : RICHIE GOT ANGRY BECAUSE OF THAT? OML WHAHHAHAH

**Stan d Man >> Trashmouth**

Stan d Man : Bev asked me to ask you to unblock her

Trashmouth : Only if she promises not to raid my fridge

**losers on crack**

_Sadist sent a photo. _

_[screenshot.jpg]_

Sadist : Show this to Bev **@Mike Hanlon**

moo : mk

_moo sent a voiceclip._

_[Beverly: Okay, fine! You killjoy.mp4]_

b-b-bilk : sURRENDER

moo : she said 'yes' disappointedly

mistletozier : thank God

moo : 'But not without spraying a mouthful of whipped cream in my mouth' -Beverly

mistletozier : Fuck

**Trashsoftie >> The Queen**

_Trashsoftie unblocked The Queen._

The Queen : HAHAHAH SORRY RICHIE I JUST COULDNT

Trashsoftie ; sHUt Up

**losers on crack **

_mistletozier added Beverly Marsh to the group._

_mistletozier set Beverly's name to Bitchverly._

mistletozier : you have to keep that nick. now

Bitchverly : sigh

mistletozier : now that that's over

mistletozier : I'm gonna take a quick nap since i don't expect spaghetti to wake up anytime soon

mistletozier : and all of you can have cereal or smth

Bitchverly : and whipped cream?

mistletozier : and whipped cream

moo : i'm gonna make pancakes--

b-b-bilk : i think you used all of the flour on ben

adorable eggroll : i'm still on the floor!!!! it still hurts my eyes

Sadist : Ouch.

Momo : let me help u bby

_11:11 AM_

moo : that was a long 'quick nap' 

Eds Spagheds : Good morning

moo : oh finally he woke up!

Momo : jeez finally

Sadist : Finally.

Eds Spagheds : ...what?

Sadist : backread

_11:16 AM_

Eds Spagheds : ok i backread but um

Eds Spagheds : what the fuck

_Eds Spagheds sent a photo._

_[bev_talking_about_richie_having_a_boner.jpg]_

Eds Spagheds : is this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ☮okay well sorry for the cliffhanger haha-  
my brain went all 'fuck you' today ☮


	6. Unbabied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whaaaaaat!!!! whoops no emojis today sorry,, but i like??? promised myself i'd upload once or twice a week???? and i haven't fucking uploaded yet????? so like i'm rEALLY SORRY!! btw the upload dates are actually in january and i'm just- putting it as if it's uploaded in december since??? these losers are still in the christmas season and??????? i suck a lot so here. are 2 chapters to make up for my lazy ass. bye

_11:18 AM_

mistletozier : BEV???

Momo : SORRY?????/?

Momo : eddie, disregaR D

Eds Spagheds : ok????

mistletozier : YOU COULD HAVE DELETED THAT

Momo : YOU NEVER ASKED ME TO 

b-b-bilk : LMAO

Sadist : .

Sadist : Idiots.

Momo : BUT H E Y STAN SAID IT FIRST I ONLY TEASED YOU ABOUT IT

Sadist : WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING ME INTO THIS

moo : shit's 'bout to go _down_

adorable eggroll : exactly what a cowboy would say lmao

_b-b-bilk changed moo's nickname to cowboy._

cowboy : y'all tho

Eds Spagheds : but---

Eds Spagheds : .

Momo : I fucking said d i s r e g a r d

Eds Spagheds : oof ok-

mistletozier : what a way to wake up

mistletozier : jeez

mistletozier : NOW that I can get eds off my lap

mistletozier : got any more pancakes left?

Momo : no we ate them all lol

mistletozier : :(

adorable eggroll : nonono it's okay!! there ARE some left!

adorable eggroll : i persuaded mike to cook you and eddie some more when you woke up!!! he's in the kitchen rn!!

mistletozier : he is b a b y

Eds Spagheds : we don't deserve this boy

Momo : we don't deserve this BABY**

b-b-bilk : best boy!!1!

Sadist : Baby. Baby boy.

adorable eggroll : awww you guys!!!

_Momo changed adorable eggroll's name to baby._

baby : oof

cowboy : am I not baby anymore???? :((

b-b-bilk : uhh

Sadist : You used to be baby until Richie _unbabied_ you.

b-b-bilk : lmao 'unbabied'

Momo : 'unbabied'

cowboy : wtf is that supposed to mean

Sadist : It means he taught you shit that a baby would never think of doing

cowboy : like what?

b-b-bilk : talking about gay interracial midget porn

cowboy : ok, got me there

Eds Spagheds : WH A T

Momo : WH EN?????

Sadist : at a sleepover

b-b-bilk : Back in the good ol' days when Mike was still baby, me, stan, richie and mike were still awake. richie was on his phone and he suddenly asked mike 'does gay interracial midget porn exist?'

mistletozier : i was WONDERING, OKAY

Momo : ok lol

Eds Spagheds : but am I not baby???? :((((

b-b-bilk : nah

b-b-bilk : you're only baby when richie's flirting with you

Eds Spagheds : No.

mistletozier : don't worry eds, you'll always be my baby ;)))

Eds Spagheds : fuck off

mistletozier : okay but **@Mike Hanlon **ARE THE PANCAKES READY

cowboy : HOLD ON OKAY WHERE THE F U C K ARE YOUR EGGS

mistletozier : they're in the left corner of the top shelf in the cupboard

cowboy : ok

cowboy : what.

cowboy : who the fuck would put eggs in a corner

cowboy : of a cupboard

cowboy : in a pile

cowboy : _without an eggtray_

Sadist : Richie would.

mistletozier : uhm

mistletozier : y'all remember when I was 8

Momo : you still act like you are lol

Momo : but no, i wasn't around yet

baby : me too

cowboy : mE tOo

b-b-bilk : yeah i remember??

mistletozier : i used to put eggs in there instead of the fridge because i thought there were growing chicks in there and i thought they needed warmth or some shit and that they'd die in the fridge

Momo : awwww

mistletozier : and my parents thought that was cute so they still did it until this day to tease me about it???

b-b-bilk : that's fucking adorable

Sadist : That's stupid, but I gotta say, that's sweet.

Eds Spagheds : ohmYGOD THAT'S ADORABLE

baby : awwww

cowboy : oml that's so sweet

mistletozier : ok but are the pancakes ready

cowboy : nope you bitch

_11:21 AM_

mistletozier : is it now?

cowboy : NO

_11:30 AM_

mistletozier : me and bev want your opinion on this

b-b-bilk : what

baby : ?

mistletozier : which nail color suits Christmanukkah best, red or green???

Sadist : Christmanukkah?

mistletozier : fuck off stanley i did that for you

Eds Spagheds : nail polish? that's gay

b-b-bilk : definitely red for the whole nail, but use green for nail art

cowboy : you should paint a christmas tree

mistletozier : ok

mistletozier : Camo Green or Christmas Day?

Sadist : Isn't it fucking obvious?

Momo : Ok

Eds Spagheds : I can't believe you guys can talk about this so casually without losing your shit

cowboy : well. it's richie. it's bev. what more do you expect

Eds Spagheds : logical

cowboy : hey dickheads your pancakes are ready

mistletozier : wOOHOO

Eds Spagheds : .

Eds Spagheds : he dropped his phone

Momo : i think it got cracked

cowboy : lmao he ran back out to check it

mistletozier : it isn't cracked you asswipes

Sadist : I'll gladly crack it for you, then.

mistletozier : no

Sadist : Yes.

mistletozier : n o

Sadist : Y e s .

b-b-bilk : LMAO HE RAN FOR IT

cowboy : oh shit

Momo : lmao fyi Richie ran upstairs and stan's tryna find him lmaaaaaao

Momo : OML

Momo : HE.

Momo : HE FUCKING THREW A BIRD PLUSHIE AT HIM OML WHAHAHAHA

Sadist : Eddie

Sadist : Do you have the key to his room?

Sadist : He locked himself in

Eds Spagheds : Yes, I do

Eds Spagheds : But richie is downstairs????

b-b-bilk : he just ran in the front door???

Sadist : What? I saw him lock himself in his room

mistletozier : **#jumped_out_the_window**

Momo : OML

Momo : RICHIE YOU LITTLE SHIT HAHAHAHAH

mistletozier : ah, shit

Momo : HE ALMOST GOT HIM OML

baby : run richie run!!!!

b-b-bilk : bitch ran under a mistletoe lmao

Eds Spagheds : HAHAHAH NOW STAN DOESN'T WANT TO TOUCH HIM AT ALL NOW

Eds Spagheds : fuck

Momo : oML HE PUSHED EDDIE UNDER THE MISTLETOE HAHAHAH

b-b-bilk : not the gayest kiss i've ever seen

cowboy : BOOOOOOOOOO

cowboy : MAKE OUT YOU D IP SHIT S

Eds Spagheds : MIKE

Eds Spagheds : S H U T

Momo : RICHIERICHIERICHIE STAN'S REACHING OUT FOR YOUR PHONE

baby : hey stanny stop it leave richie's phone alone!!!

Sadist : Never.

b-b-ilk : yeah stan leave richie's phone alone

Sadist : Ok.

mistletozier : **#gay**

Sadist : Fuck off.

mistletozier : awwww ilyt♥️️♥️️♥️️

cowboy : ok stfu get your pancakes or else

mistletozier : or else what?

Momo : or else he'll pull you into a r o d e o f i g h t

cowboy : this town ain't big enough for the both of us, richie

mistletozier : I SURRENDER

Eds Spagheds : Fine, we're coming

_5:31 PM_

b-b-bilk : stop watching tv you assholes it's time for party games

mistletozier : any drinks left?

Momo : yea

mistletozier : i'm up, then

Sadist : What are we playing first?

baby : suck and blow!

Eds Spagheds : What the fuck

_6:20 PM_

Sadist : I'm so fucking glad I'm not next to Richie

Momo : I'm so fucking glad I'm next to Bill***

Sadist : Fuck off Bev

Eds Spagheds : stop showing off goddamnit

Eds Spagheds : I almost kissed Richie about 5 times now because the piece of cardboard we're using OBVIOUSLY hates me

baby : hehe

Momo : 'hehe'

b-b-bilk : That's so fucking baby

cowboy : Fuck this game, who up for a game of Never Have I Ever?

baby : whiskey or water?

Momo : whiskey

mistletozier : whiskey

b-b-bilk : whiskey

cowboy : whiskey

Sadist : Whiskey.

Eds Spagheds : Water.

Eds Spagheds : fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo next chapter will be kind of a facebook post and some real fanfic??//? so ye


	7. Never Have I Ever >> Beverly Marsh's Facebook Timeline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is mostly fanfiction whoops but fyi this is how they sat(in a circle): Mike sat next to Eddie, Eddie’s next to Richie, Richie’s next to Bev, Bev is next to Ben, Ben is next to Bill, Bill is next to Stan and Stan is next to Mike. That’s it. That’s all. Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk

**Beverly Marsh is live**.

—with **Ben Hanscom, Richie Tozier, Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough, Eddie Kaspbrak** and **Mike Hanlon**.

_30 seconds ago._

Annual Losersmanukkah!!!! Pls don’t judge me for the name. Richie came up w/ it lol

We’re currently playin Never Have I Ever (suggested by my mikey boi!!!!!!) but our own way?? Lmao

WARNING: This shit is super gay. Toldya, deffo no hetties in _our _midst.

Well, except Ben.

But step off.

He’s mine.

⏩**Play Video**

* * *

“What the _fuck, _Richie!” Eddie yelled as Richie laughed obnoxiously.

“Please, you two, just _shut the fuck up_ already! The video’s already started, jeez!” Bill shouted as he sighed and shook his head, something he learnt from Stan.

Bev shook her head and failed to bite off a grin. _Stupid idiots. Stupid, gay idiots. _She thought as she set the phone down, leaning it against a cushion on the couch.

“Okay.” Bev said as she sat in her place between Ben and Richie. “How the fuck does this game work again?” she grinned obnoxiously.

“_Well,”_ Ben explained, “If someone says ‘Never have I ever’ and add something, like—“

“—Had gay interracial midget sex!” Richie suggested jokingly.

“Uh, yeah, ‘Never had I ever had _gay interracial midget sex’ _and if someone _has _had, uh, _‘gay interracial midget sex’, _they drink.”

“Richie, what the fuck, don’t teach him that!” Stan yelled and scooted over a little to shove Richie lightly.

Richie chuckled. “Why? ‘Cause it’ll _unbaby _him?” Richie teased Stan for his use of words.

“Shut up, Richie.” Everyone yelled.

“Oh, and by the way, the one with the least drinks win,” Ben added.

“Why can’t we have _water _instead?” Eddie groaned.

“Because drinking is what makes it all the more fun!” Richie grinned, already pouring himself a glass.

“Okay, I’ll go first!” Bev said excitedly, pouring herself a glass and pouring some whiskey into Ben’s.

“Never have I ever, hmm, tripped over while admiring someone’s looks!”

Everyone drank.

“Wow, we’re all _total _losers,” Stan shook his head, grinning.

“Yeah? Well welcome to the Loser’s Club.” Mike smiled.

“Uhm, me next?” Ben said awkwardly, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “Never have I ever stayed a virgin…?”

Bev furrowed her eyebrows. Stan whispered something in Bill’s ear and Bill shoved Richie.

“Hey! What was that for?” Richie said defensively, getting back up.

“_You’re _the only reason why Ben would ask something like this!” he replied, rolling his eyes, something he had _also _learnt from Stan.

“What? Only _me_ to blame? What about Bev? Didn’t she talk about most of the guys she got laid with in middle school?”

“_Ugh, _beep beep Richie.” Bev rolled her eyes, shoving him lightly.

“Hey! Let’s just answer the question already!” Richie said, mid-shove.

Beverly and Richie drank.

Eddie sighed. “Of _course _Richie would drink. And here I was, thinking all his obnoxious ‘_I got laid last night’ _jokes were fads.”

“Hey! I don’t just sleep with _anyone _that much _anymore!” _he defended.

“_Anymore?”_ Eddie asked, tilting his head slightly.

_God that’s so fucking cute I’m so fucking gay-_

“_That much?_” Bev said in a teasing tone.

“Oh, fuck off, Marsh,” he said, waving his hand at her. “As if _you _didn’t.”

Bev rolled her eyes at him.

“My t-turn, you fucks,” Bill said, finally cutting them off from their bickering.

“Never have I ever t-talked so fucking much t-that it has annoyed my friends and t-therefore gained me the nickname ‘T-Trashmouth’?”

Richie stayed silent for a while whilst all eyes were on him, waiting for him to react until he yelped out in realization and pointed at Bill accusingly.

“Hey!” he said between sips of his glass. “That one’s aimed at _me!_”

“Wow.” Stan said with a tone of sarcasm in his voice, a tone he saved only for Richie when he was being stupid. “Took you a while.”

“Shut up Staniel.”

“Nope, never, you rarely do, and it’s my turn.”

“Never have I ever made out with anyone in this room.”

Bev, Bill and… Richie drank.

“What!” Mike yelled. “Who did you—“

“Bev.” He said with a straight face.

There was silence.

“I, uh, we made out in middle school after Bev broke up with Bill. We were both really sad and angry at life that time, so we drank, and we cried, and drank some more and we ended up drunk so…” he explained whilst he shrugged. “You get the idea.”

More silence.

Ben sat with a disappointed look on his face and Eddie didn’t realize he had the same look.

Bill sat with a glimpse of a sad look on his face.

Eddie nudged Mike.

Mike broke the silence. “Uh… Oh, yeah. My turn.” He smiled an awkward smile.

“Uh, okay, something less awkward—“ he muttered as he paused and tapped his head, thinking. “Never have I ever… skipped showering for a day or more.”

Bev, Richie, Bill and Mike drank.

“_Ew! _Richie, what the _fuck, _that’s so gross!” Eddie shrieked as he scooted away Richie and nearer to Mike.

Mike struggled to bite off a grin. “But Eddie… I drank too.”

Eddie scooted away from the two.

Stan scooted away from Bill.

But Ben stayed in place. “I don’t get what’s wrong with that, guys. They have done that in the past, so why are you disgusted now?” Ben asked with a clueless, innocent look on his face.

Bill patted him on the back and beamed at him.

Bev looked at him fondly. “You see him?” Bev said, pointing at Ben. “He is the _only _valid one here.” She hugged him from the side, and Ben, unable to hide the redness on his face, averted his eyes to _seemingly_ nowhere and the others had to laugh.

“Okay, okay, we get it, you lovebirds!” Richie grinned, rolling his eyes and nudging Eddie with his elbow after. “Your turn, Eds!”

“Don’t call me that!” he replied, rolling his eyes as well.

“That reminds me,” he said, pulling out his phone from the back pocket of his shorts and loading it up on the _losers on crack _group chat.

**-**

**losers on crack**

_Eds Spagheds changed his name to Fuck off Richie._

_mistletozier changed Fuck off Richie’s name to Eds._

_Eds changed his name to I SAID FUCK OFF._

_mistletozier changed I SAID FUCK OFF’s name to Eds._

_Eds changed his name to JESUS CHRIST, FUCK OFF RICHIE._

_mistletozier changed JESUS CHRIST, FUCK OFF RICHIE’s name to Edsy Spaghedsy._

_Edsy Spaghedsy changed his name to FUCK. OFF._

_mistletozier changed FUCK. OFF.’s name to Eds._

_Eds changed mistletozier’s name to Chee._

Chee : acceptable

Momo : lmao new ship name: cheeds/edschee

Eds : what

b-b-bilk : STOP FLIRTING YOU DIPSHITS GO BACK TO THE GAME

-

“God, you two are _so fucking annoying, _just marry each other already or something.” Stan said, shoving his phone into his jean’s pocket after putting it on silent.

“We will _not _get married. And I’m not the annoying one! Richie’s the annoying one!” Eddie said defensively.

“Yeah, hate to break it to ya’, but I’m already married to Mrs. Kaspbrak.” Richie joked.

“Beep beep, Ri-“

“Eddie, Goddamnit, it’s _your _motherfucking t-turn.” Bill said, tossing his hands into the air exasperatedly.

“Fine, fine! Jeez.” Eddie let out a sigh. “Never have I ever thought of making out with someone in this room.”

“Jeez, what’s up with all the dirty questions?” Richie asked, raising his glass.

Bill, Richie, Bev and _surprisingly _Stan drank.

There was an awkward silence.

“I-I’m n-not t-telling w-who.” Bill coughed, his stutter surprisingly worse, and suddenly got interested on a spot on the floor.

“Yeah, me neither.” Stan had a surprisingly flushed face.

“Yeah.” Bev looked behind her, as if expecting anyone to come in at that moment though it was only for show.

“Agreed.” Richie coughed.

“Oh wait— my turn. Uh— never have I ever had a crush…?”

Everyone drank.

“_Ugh,”_ Richie groaned and slapped his forehead. “Fuckin’ _obviously, jeez, _that was so fuckin’ _lame.”_

Bev slapped Richie on the back. “Oh, my turn! Good thing I prepared my questions already.” Bev coughed and she retreated her hand from Richie back to her lap. “Never have I ever dyed my hair?”

Richie and Bev drank.

“What!” Ben yelled. “You mean to say red isn’t your natural hair color?” Ben asked Bev.

Eddie turned to Richie with his brows furrowed, as if meaning to ask the same question.

“No, it is!” Bev grinned. “Me and Richie just thought it was a great idea to dye the tips of our hair pink with temporary hair dye at a rundown salon across the street in middle school.”

Mike snorted. “That’s _so _gay.”

“Well, we’re _all _super gay here, what’d you expect?” Bev replied faux-defensively and she faux-gasped.

“Unless…_you’re a hettie!”_ she yelled and pointed a finger at Mike accusingly and held a hand to her chest as if she was having a stroke. She learnt this from Richie.

“No, I’m _bi _you stupid gay!” Mike laughed.

“I’m bi as well, for your information.” She stuck her nose high up in the air and crossed her arms. She _also_ learnt this from Richie.

Mike laughed. “You’re a very good actor, Marsh.”

Bev practically _beamed _at him. “Thanks, Hanlon. I mean to be an actress someday.”

“But guys? I’m hetero though?” Ben said in a small voice.

“Oh, you don’t count, you’re too _baby_!” Bev said as she hugged Ben from the side. Again.

“Ok? My turn?” Ben said as soon as Bev pulled away.

“Never have I ever stepped in toilet or sewer water?”

Bill, Stan, Richie and Eddie drank.

“_What?_” Bev asked, dumbfounded and raising an eyebrow.

“Well, it was just around the time we met you, Mike, and Ben,” Bill said, scratching the back of his head, a gesture he did whenever he was feeling shy or embarrassed.

_I thought that gesture was only reserved for me, tbh. _Stan thought.

_The fuck? Did I just use ‘TBH’ in my mind? _Stan had furrowed his eyebrows whilst thinking this and Richie couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking.

“Yeah! Richie, being the asshole he is, dragged us into the fucking _sewers!_” Eddie said with no real heat, and pouted (which made Richie die internally) as he remembered the event from middle school.

“_Well, _when Betty Ripsom and Georgie went missing for like a fucking _day, _everyone fucking thought they got abducted by some, oh, I don’t know, _killer clown _down in the sewers! Well, what else would your average-stupid middle schooler do?” Richie replied as soon as he stopped admiring Eddie’s _cute cute cute _pout.

“And what if there _was _a killer clown down there, idiot!”

“Well then we would’ve _died _by now!” he raised his hands exasperatedly in the air, a wide grin growing on his face.

“Well I _would’ve _died if we stayed there any longer! Did you have any _idea _how much grey water was in there?”

Richie’s grin only grew wider. “Oh, so we’re having _this _conversation again? What the fuck is grey water?”

“It’s basically just _piss and shit_\- wait, I already told you this! We were _basically _wallowing around in _millions _of gallons of Derry pee!”

“Well, it didn’t exactly smell like caca to me, senor!” Richie’s grin grew even wider until he started laughing.

“Oh my God, are you retarded or something? Jesus Christ, have you ever heard of a _staph infection?_” Eddie said, pretending to be angry and tossing his arms into the air dramatically.

Bev, Ben and Mike enjoyed looking back and forth at Eddie and Richie’s bickering, seeing as they haven’t heard of this conversation before, since they weren’t around yet.

“_Guys! _We’ve already had this fucking conversation in _seventh grade, _you dumb fucks! Just shut _up!” _Stan yelled with no real heat.

Everyone shook their heads whilst grinning.

The game went on, Richie had drank 19 glasses already, probably _very _drunk, Bev and Eddie not far behind, since Bev had 18 and Eddie 17, Bill had 13, Mike had 12, Stan surprisingly had 14, and Ben had the least, which was 5.

Richie’s 6th turn had come already, and here Eddie stopped him from drinking whiskey from his glass even though there wasn’t a question yet. Eddie nudged him.

“Ugh, _Richie, _it’s your turn, asshole!”

“Me? Oh.” Richie placed his glass down. “Uhhh,” he said, tapping his chin as a gesture of thinking, until he shouted an _aha! _and smirked deviously.

“Never have I ever been an adorable hypochondriac germaphobe with an anger problem! Also one who’s cute. Very cute. Like _cute, cute, cute.” _He said with a dopey grin.

Eddie paused and gave a look of realization before hitting Richie’s shoulder multiple times, not leaving any effect on Richie at all as he kept laughing. He laughed so much he had to grip his stomach.

“Hey, _asswipe! _That question is fucking aimed at me, isn’t it! I refuse to drink! I’m don’t have an anger problem, asshole! And I’m _not fucking cute!”_ He said as he continued smacking Richie on the shoulder.

“That’s probably gonna bruise.” Mike said, wincing at every smack Eddie gave Richie.

“Eddie? Bruising me? As if! His body is too tiny to do that!” Richie had trouble saying this since he kept laughing at every word.

This gained him more hits.

“Have mercy on me, Spaghetti Man!” he laughed out.

“Don’t call me that, asshole!” Eddie shoved Richie which made him topple over, but he continued laughing when he got up.

“Ugh. He’s an idiot.” Eddie grumbled when he _finally _decided to stop hitting Richie.

“Obviously.” Stan said, rolling his eyes for the 15th time that day.

“Hey, would ya’ look at that,” Richie said when he finally stopped laughing, pointing at Bill, who fell asleep on Stan’s shoulder. “Isn’t _that _just sweet?” he said with a teasing tone, obviously aimed at Stan. Stan flipped him off.

“Wouldn’t it just be _terrible _if Big Bill woke up with a dick written on his face? ‘W-w-what t-t-the f-fuck! W-who d-d-did t-t-this?!’” Richie said, doing his best impression of Bill.

“Richie, one, his stutter isn’t _that _bad most of the time, two, _don’t you fucking dare.” _Stan said with a glare that actually made Richie think he was gonna kill him.

“Awww, you’re no fun, Staniel,” he said in his best impression of a baby, crossing his arms.

“Okay, I won’t do that, I’ll do this instead,” Richie said, getting up and going upstairs. Everyone looked at him curiously.

Richie returned with a blowhorn and Mike gasped.

“Is that the blowhorn I gave you for your 14th birthday?” Mike asked.

“Yes, yes it is.” Richie grinned.

“What are you gonna do wit- oh. Oh wait. You’re not gonna do what I think you’re gonna do, right?”

Richie’s grin grew wider. “How would I know what you’re thinking? I’m not psychic.”

Richie scooted a little closer towards Bill so that the mouth of the blowhorn was next to his ear and he pressed it.

Obviously, the blowhorn sounded and a loud ‘WhOOooOOOoooOOOoP’ could be heard.

Bill woke up with a start, getting out of the dreamy and peaceful state he was in when he was on Stan’s shoulder. He shoved Richie away. ‘W-what t-the fuck, Richie!”

Richie put the blowhorn behind his back. “Sorry, Bill.” He said, actually looking apologetic for once.

“I just wanted to blow you.”

Everyone groaned.

“Beep beep, Richie.” Everyone said at the same time.

Bill fixed his hair, annoyed that he didn’t have an excuse to lean on Stan anymore.

“Wait, it’s 8pm already?” Ben said, looking at his watch.

“Hey, Bev, let’s end the game and let’s go eat Mike’s food. Or what was left of it.” Richie said, grinning at Bill and Bev.

“Fuck off, Tozier, the food was _amazing! _Right, Denbrough?” Bev said, turning to Bill, who was pretending to drift back off to sleep on Stan’s shoulder.

“Denbrough!”

“Yeah! Yeah. Totally agree.” Bill fake-yawned.

Richie knew his friend, Bill, very well. He knew that the boy had insomnia so he doesn’t really feel sleepy most of the time. Richie figured Bill just wanted to lean on Stan. He didn’t say anything about it.

“Mkay, let’s go.” Eddie said, pulling Richie up and gesturing to the dining room.

“Yeah, yeah, comin’, your majesty,” Richie grinned.

Everyone got up and walked out, and Bev, being the last to get out, froze for a minute.

“What’s wrong, Bev?” Ben asked.

“I think I forgot something. Oh, yeah! The video!” Bev grinned stupidly and rushed to the cushion on the couch, the place where she left her phone at. She tapped the bright red button on her camera screen, picked up her phone, and walked out with Ben.

* * *

**Beverly Marsh’s live video ended.**

**⏩Watch Again**

**👍Like**

**✈Share**

**☑Comment**

**30 Reacts**

**26 Comments**

**Richie Tozier ** _19 seconds ago_

Lmao bev this went on for 2 hours? Wtf? oml lmaoooo

**Richie Tozier ** _18 seconds ago_

Ok but bill and stan are so fucking sweet together oml

_3 replies_

**Bill Denbrough ** _18 seconds ago_

**@Richie Tozier **I swear to god richie I’m going to fucking choke you

**Stanley Uris ** _18 seconds ago_

**@Bill Denbrough **I second that statement.

**Richie Tozier ** _17 seconds ago_

**@Bill Denbrough @Stanley Uris **kinky

-

**Richie Tozier ** _16 seconds ago_

Is this just a compilation of Eddie being adorable

_2 replies_

**Eddie Kaspbrak ** _16 seconds ago_

**@Richie Tozier **go fuck yourself

**Richie Tozier ** _16 seconds ago_

**@Eddie Kaspbrak **gladly

-

**Eddie Kaspbrak ** _15 seconds ago_

Is this just a compilation of Richie being an asshole

_2 replies_

**Richie Tozier ** _15 seconds ago_

**@Eddie Kaspbrak **eds! Betrayed by my own lover-

**Eddie Kaspbrak ** _15 seconds ago_

**@Richie Tozier **perish

-

**Ben Hanscom ** _15 seconds ago_

I look so terrible in this oml

_Replies_

**Beverly Marsh ** _15 seconds ago_

**@Ben Hanscom **Oml nonono don’t tell yourself that baby boy!!! You’re so fricking adorable istg Ilysm

**Mike Hanlon ** _15 seconds_

**@Ben Hanscom **Honestly I tell people to believe in themselves but if you’re gonna think like that then don’t believe yourself. You’re adorable ilysm benny boy

**Stanley Uris ** _15 seconds_

**@Ben Hanscom **There isn’t any real heat in this, Ben, but if you think like that, you’re such an idiot.

**Bill Denbrough ** _14 seconds ago_

**@Ben Hanscom **wtf who told you this imma kick their ass

**Richie Tozier ** _14 seconds ago_

**@Ben Hanscom **wtf who told you this imma kick their ass

**Richie Tozier ** _14 seconds ago_

**@Bill Denbrough **lmao billy we think alike

**Richie Tozier ** _14 seconds ago_

**@Bill Denbrough **but I think it was that asshole bowers, lets go kick his ass

**Bill Denbrough ** _14 seconds ago_

**@Richie Tozier **yeah les go kick bower ass trashmouth

**Eddie Kaspbrak ** _13 seconds ago_

**@Bill Denbrough **lemme help

**Richie Tozier ** _13 seconds ago_

**@Eddie Kaspbrak **lmao what? _you? _no way in hell, baby boy. let the big boys handle this.

**Eddie Kaspbrak ** _12 seconds ago_

**@Richie Tozier **I’m going to fucking kill you you little shit

**Richie Tozier ** _12 seconds ago_

**@Eddie Kaspbrak **I think you’re the only little one here lol

**Ben Hanscom ** _11 seconds ago_

**@Beverly Marsh @Mike Hanlon @Stanley Uris @Bill Denbrough @Richie Tozier @Eddie Kaspbrak **omg guys that’s wholesome ilyt!!! <3

_6 heart reacts._

_-_

**Mike Hanlon ** _10 seconds ago_

lmao I fucking love how richie and eddie are arguing even in bev’s comment section

_5 haha reacts, 1 angry react = Eddie Kaspbrak._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah. they're gay


	8. t-thanks stani boi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops i uh this chapter is terrible a little and this was written under the influence of alcohol so?? excuse me  
btw let's call You Have 200+ Unread Messages YH2UM for short. because y not?

9:01 PM

Sadist : **@Beverly Marsh**

Sadist : Bitch did you just

Sadist : Give Richie more whiskey?

Sadist : This is literally more than Richie’s normal intake of alcoholic drinks

Sadist : Which means TOO MUCH

Sadist : BEV WHY

Momo : he deserve the whisk. he under sad emotiom

cowboy : lmao isn’t the way bev texts when she’s drunk just adorable

Chee : eDs texts cyoter

Sadist : cuter*

baby : **@Mike Hanlon **I agree

Sadist : ok bby boy looooooooooool

b-b-bilk : did stan just

b-b-bilk : use s l a n g ?

Sadist: NO. Never. Richie stole my phone.

cowboy : lol I can confirm

Eds : wh

Eds : wait. are why tExtng we?

Eds : why are texting we**

Eds : fUCK IMEANT WHY ARE WE TEXTING*

Eds : fuckity fuck fuck fuck

Eds : I think I drank too much

Eds : my mom’s going to kill me

Chee : I know that feeling when your mom’s about to destroy me in bed

Eds : please go fuck yourself you drunk shit

Chee : gladly

Sadist : Guys shut the fuck up.

Momo : what the fuck??

Momo : I swear there were 7 bottles of whiskey in front of me just a few seconds ago and 3 of them are gone???

cowboy : uhm

_cowboy sent an image._

_[bill,_richie_and_eddie_drinking_on_the_couch.jpg]_

Momo : gasp

Momo : you fucking bastards how could you

Eds : I was forced.

Chee : your mom does the same thing to me

Eds : I swear I will pour this entire bottle on your head right now.

Chee : try

Chee : fuck

Momo : that’s what you get you whiskey thieving bastard

b-b-bilk : lmao you sound like a barman out in the streets speaking to some teenage thief in the medieval times

Sadist : Wow.

Sadist : That was detailed

b-b-bilk : yeah well I plan to be an author when I grow up

Sadist : I think writing suits you perfectly, Bill.

b-b-bilk : t-thanks

cowboy : what the fuck since when the fuck can you stutter in texts

Chee : it’s cause they’re gay for each other

b-b-bilk : FUCK OFF RICHIE YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PUT THE ‘T-‘ THERE YOU DICK

Chee : I do have a huge dick, thank you.

_cowboy sent a photo._

_[bev,_climbing_on_top_of_the_coffee_table_and_dancing_till_the_morning.jpg]_

cowboy : I want to remember this event for my entire life

Sadist : I don’t.

baby : Stan

baby : I’m scared

Sadist : why?

baby : they’re drunker than normal

Chee : u can nevr b 2 drunk beni boi

baby : they’re also crazier than normal

Momo : we r always cray z my q t boi

Sadist : Why in the fuck do I understand that

Eds : help I feel like m gonna vomit

b-b-bilk : same

Sadist : Ugh. Again?

Chee : 2nd time’s a charm stani boi

Sadist : First, it’s ‘third time’s a charm.’ Second, I don’t see how Eddie and Bill vomiting in your mom’s rose bush can be charming.

Chee : its charming 4 u if its billi boi

cowboy : ohmygod stop saying our names + ‘-i boi’

Chee : sure thang miki boi

Momo : m preety sure m preety drunk but wat d fuk richie stop its gross

Chee : ok bevi boi

Momo : wait what

Momo : m not a boi

Chee : it just rhymes

Momo : fair

Sadist : What the actual fuck

baby : I’m scared

Eds : uggggggh my head hurts

Sadist : I bet Mike that you puked in the broom closet

cowboy : I bet you that he puked in maggie’s rosebushes

Sadist : Deal.

Eds : stan wins this one

cowboy : awwwww what

Eds : but for bill’s one, mike wins

cowboy : lol yaaaassss

Momo : kamakura kamakura

Chee : YAS QUEENNNNNNNNN

b-b-bilk : what the fuck you guys liKE DANGANRONPA?

Chee : since 9th grade boiiiiiiii

baby : I’m still scared but I love danganronpa too

cowboy : oml you guys like that???

Momo : ye duh. I love Junko btw

b-b-bilk : fuck, same

baby : meh for me Tsumugi is the better mastermind. junko literally killed her own sister

cowboy : I agree. Tsumugi is better and Junko’s just insane

Chee : gasp

Chee : what

Momo : well that’s why we love her! she’s insane like uss!! remember, ‘all the best people are crazy!!’

Chee : yeah!!

cowboy : lmao the intense Melanie Martinez vibes in that tho

Sadist : Okay what the fuck is Dangganggrandpa?

Eds : dan’s gang romcom? what’s that?

cowboy : what the fuck lmao did you just say dan’s gang romcom

Momo : oh jeez I wish that was an actual show now.

Chee : featuring Beverly Marsh and Richie Tozier in… Dan’s Gang Romcom!

Sadist : Richie literally begged me to type that for him lol

b-b-bilk : oml stan just used ‘lol’

Momo : gasp

Momo : wh a t

Sadist : Guys, fuck off. Let me read in peace.

Chee : u r’rent supposed to be reading at a party stani

Chee : ur supposed to be drinking or making out w/ some1

Chee : I think bill would b hap p to do dat w/ u

Momo : oml did stan just throw a book at richie or am I dreaming

cowboy : it’s reality

11:31 PM

Chee : 31 botles of bbeer sitting on a fence

Momo : 1 fell of and bumped its head

b-b-bilk : mama called d doctor and d doctor said

Eds : 30 bottlEs of beverly sitting on a fence

Sadist : They’ve been going off for two hours now. Literally. Mike, I’m going to kill you for giving them the SUPPOSED TO BE hidden whiskey and letting them drink more. They’re super drunk now.

cowboy : well,, I couldn’t say no

cowboy : richie asked

Sadist : And since when do we do anything Richie asks us to?

cowboy: .

cowboy : fuck, you’re right

b-b-bilk : 1 feel off and bump its head

Momo : fuck this game, guys I wanna play something else

Eds : ok

Chee : me 2

Sadist : fucking finally

Momo : lets push richie onto eddie

Eds : wh at

b-b-bilk : ok

Sadist : Shit, they’re making out

Momo : wooHooooo!!!1!1

b-b-bilk : yay

cowboy : let’s hope they won’t remember in the morning

baby : should we tell them in the morning?

Sadist : Nope.

Sadist : Delete these messages

_Sadist deleted 3 messages._

_cowboy deleted a message._

_baby deleted a message._

cowboy : let’s take their phones and delete them as well

baby : ok

Momo : hey wut r u going to do w/ my phoUIYVETjhjhdgya

b-b-bilk : whATGDYUhj

_b-b-bilk deleted 3 messages._

_Momo deleted 2 messages._

_Eds deleted a message._

Momo : u guys r dicks!! for stealing r phones

b-b-bilk : ye!!!1!

baby : wait, why do we have to keep it a secret from them?

Sadist : Because I want them to get together, and I don’t want them to spend the rest of the year being embarrassed of making out at a party. They wouldn’t really talk to each other after that.

cowboy : oh… ok

Sadist : Now let’s delete these again

_Sadist, cowboy and baby deleted a few messages._

cowboy : now what the FUCK do we do about them

Sadist : Leave them. Let’s get the fuck to sleep.

baby : I call maggie’s bed!1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. sorry for including stuff about danganronpa lol  
bill and bev are so fucking chaotic oh my fuck


	9. Bottom Ouma Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof i forgot i made this chapter right after chapter 8 and i just remembered when Reddielover135 just commented 'i miss this fic' and i was about to go 'but the next chapter is ou- oh shit it ISNT'

_Dec. 15, 12:40 PM_

Chee : uggggh

Chee : why does my head hurt so much?

Momo : what the actual FUCK happened last night?

Eds : why the fuck did I wake up in an actual fucking germspawn dickhead’s bed?

b-b-bilk : and why the fuck is richie’s tv outside?

Chee : oh FUCK

Eds : did he just scramble out of his bed shirtless

Eds : whilst he fell over a heap of dirty clothes

Eds : ?

Eds : and WHY THE FUCK AM I IN HIS BED

Momo : can ANYONE who was pretty much sober lastnight fucking EXPLA I N

Sadist : Good morning, redhead who made out with Richie’s mop which we used to clean up all of your vomit in the broom closet.

Momo : what

Momo : the

Momo : f u c k ?

Momo : I think I’m gonna vomit again

b-b-bilk : same

Eds : answer our questions dickwads

Sadist : Ok.

Sadist : For Richie’s question, your head hurts because 1. You were so fucking drunk last night 2. You swung your head around whilst standing on the coffee table ALL because you said that ‘you were a rockstar’.

cowboy : for bev’s question, you did a bunch of crazy shit last night from whipping it out rockstar on the coffee table to making out with a mop you called ‘Rosette’

baby : uh!! for bill’s question, you and bev teamed up to throw it out the window

b-b-bilk : oh fuck

Chee : ‘OH FUCK’ INDEED YOU DICKS

Sadist : And for Eddie’s question, you slept with Richie.

Eds : .

Eds : w h a t

Sadist : No. I fucking mean you SLEPT in the same bed WITH Richie. Not that type of ‘slept.’

cowboy : lmao bitch u thought

Sadist : Richie passed out on the floor and you passed out on the couch and me and Mike had to carry you both to a fucking bed

Eds : ok but why is he shirtless

Sadist : He always sleeps shirtless. That’s his actual ‘sleepwear’.

Eds : why did I never know that

Eds : and who took it off

Sadist : .

-

**I’m chatting with a softie >> No U**

I’m chatting with a softie : You did.

No U : wha t

I’m chatting with a softie : Me and Mike, uh

I’m chatting with a softie : Managed to convince you to do that

No U : … and what did I do

I’m chatting with a softie : “i’ve been so fucKING READY FOR THIS MOMENT FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE *jumps into bed with richie expecting to ‘sleep’ with him but passed out instead*

I’m chatting with a softie : Oh my fuck did I just text you in THAT format

No U : 1.) I’m telling everyone u did that

No U : 2.) WHAT THE FUCK.

I’m chatting with a softie : Yep.

-

**losers on crack**

Chee : bill and bev, you should be fucKing happy that there isn’t a single scratch on that tv

b-b-bilk : wait wh a t ?

b-b-bilk : what fucking brand is that tv even

Chee : Smart Sky

b-b-bilk : I’m soooo recommending that to my parents

Momo : back, just vomited in Maggie’s favorite rosebush

Chee : Maggie’ll love that

baby : …sure.

cowboy : richie get the FUCK back inside the neighbours are staring

Chee : yea. staring at my ROCK HARD ABS

Eds : I’m not sure they want to see your ‘rock hard abs’ this early

b-b-bilk : …it’s turning 1

Eds : oh fuck. really?

Eds : I lost track of time

baby : guys stop

baby : for all of the people who were very drunk last night, please sit on the couch and rest

baby : me and mike will make you guys lunch!!

baby : hickory roasted chicken w/ potatoes!

Momo : ohmygod I love you

cowboy : ye

baby : please lie down and rest. after lunch we can play a few games or watch tv because we only have 1 hour left until everyone goes home, so lets make the most of this Losersmannukah!

Eds : what did we do to deserve this angel?

Chee : oh my god ben I fucking love you sm

Chee : I honestly might fucking marry you

baby : awwwww!

_Momo replied to Chee’s ‘I honestly might fucking marry you’_

_v_

Momo : honestly I’m not even angry or jealous at that because he’s so fucking baby

b-b-bilk : bev too OBV

Momo : who gives a shit

Momo : I honestly want to marry this man as well

Chee : thREESOMES!!1

Momo : Ew. Ben, please divorce him.

Sadist : **@Richie Tozier **It’s called a polyamorous relationship, moron.

baby : it’ll make him sad tho! :(

Chee : yeah :(

Momo : nah, he has eddie.

Eds : don’t bring me into this

baby : oh ok!! as long as he’s happy

b-b-bilk : what the fuck how are you so fucking baby in every fucking situation

cowboy : he’s babier than Georgie

Chee : g a s p

Chee : that’s a new kind of baby

Momo : babyness level: ultimate babytm

Chee : lmao if ben was in DR

b-b-bilk : lmao like DRV3

Momo : Ben Hanscom: The Ultimate Baby

cowboy : “Shuichi! You need to rest. A detective, no matter how hardworking he appears to be, always rests at times! Go sit down there, on Kokichi’s lap, and be the little spoon in the cuddle. It’ll make you feel much better after. Trust me!”

Momo : sounds like ben tbh

b-b-bilk : Ohmyfuck stop it with the oumasai

Chee : gAsp

Chee : yOu don’t SSHIP OUMASAI?????

Momo : what the fuck

Momo : bill I thought we had something

b-b-bilk : no I ship oumasai I fucking mean stop it with the top ouma

b-b-bilk : ouma will never top

b-b-bilk : **#saiouma is better**

** **

cowboy : I clearly see you aren’t a man of culture

baby : exactly!

Chee : THE ULTIMATE BABY SPEAKS

b-b-bilk : so I’m the only bottom ouma bitch here?

Momo : yep.

Chee : ye

cowboy : mhm

baby : sorry, yes

b-b-bilk : what.

Chee : bottom ouma in saiouma is like bill being bottom in stenbrough

Momo : oml n o

cowboy : oof

b-b-bilk : what’s wrong with me being bottom in stenbrough? I don’t mind I’m a switch actually

Chee : w h a t

Sadist : w h a t

Momo : w h a t (2)

cowboy : w h a t (3)

Eds : w h a t (4)

Chee : BILL DID YOU JUST ADMIT TO FUCKING BOTTOMI N G

Chee : in STENBROUGH

b-b-bilk : fuck I didn’t realize we were talking about stenbrough

b-b-bilk : I’m saying that in IRL I’m a switch

Chee : mhm. mk.

b-b-bilk : I fucKING MEAN IT

Momo : ok, tell yourself that.

Sadist : Guys shut the fuck up

Eds : SOMEONES flustered af

-

**Willy >> Dick**

Willy : but tbh,,

Willy : in stenbrough, I’d love to fucking top

Willy : totally tap that assTM

Willy : but I’m still a switch

Willy : but a switch leaning towards top

Dick : Ohmyfuck bill I’d say TMI but tbh WHAT THE FUCK

Dick : in a good way

Dick : and you fucking admit to being a swiTCH ?

Willy : …ye

Willy : whatever stan wants

Willy : if he does like me I mean

Dick : ok

-

**Trashmouth >> Stanley the Manly**

Trashmouth : hey I know this is a really out of the blue question

Trashmouth : but

Trashmouth : in stenbrough, would u rather top or bottom?

Stanley the Manly : Richie, what the fuck.

Trashmouth : ik just answer

Stanley the Manly : .

Stanley the Manly : I’d bottom.

Trashmouth : mk

-

**Dick >> Willy**

_Dick sent a screenshot._

Dick : he’d bottom

Willy : 1. richie you REALLY don’t fucking know how to keep secrets

Willy : 2. ohmyfuckinggodyou’rekiddingright?

Dick : nope.

-

**Trashmouth >> Stanley the Manly**

_Trashmouth sent a screenshot._

Trashmouth : he’d top you

Stanley the Manly : .

Stanley the Manly : 1. Why’d the fuck did you tell him I’d bottom you dipshit I fucking hate you

Stanley the Manly : 2. What the fuck

Stanley the Manly : 3. You don’t fucking know how to keep secrets GOOD GOD.

Stanley the Manly : 4. Don’ttellmethisisedited????

Trashmouth : nope

Stanley the Manly : Oh my fucking God I’ll get back at you for this you shithead

_Stanley the Manly took a screenshot of the conversation._

Stanley the Manly : I’ll fucking get back at you for this I swear to God

Stanley the Manly : I still CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE YOU DID THAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT OH MY LORD

Trashmouth : u sound like eddie rn lol

Stanley the Manly : I HATE YOU

Trashmouth : no u don’t ;)

Stanley the Manly : Ugh.

Stanley the Manly : You’re fucking lucky I don’t

Trashmouth : <3

-

**losers on crack**

Momo : it got silent all of a sudden

baby : yeah

baby : I’ll go to help mike now, bye!!

Eds : guys why

Eds : is stan

Eds : sitting on the couch

Eds : flustered as fuck

Eds : ?

Momo : I’d like to ask the same thing about bill???

Momo : we’re sitting in richie’s bedroom checking out shit like posters, cds, comics and his rock collection thingies

Momo : and then this b-b-bitch pulls out his phone and he keeps staring at it and scrolling through the same messages and I’m???

Momo : what fucking happened

cowboy : do any of you know ANYTHING about this?

Chee : nope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> too much unnessesary shipping fuel


	10. Bouncy Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof i was busy updating welcome to hell (my other fic) srry  
shoutout to Space_Wea5le and BadBoyDeanAsf cuz y not

baby : y’all they’re ready!!!!1

Momo : did you just

Momo : y a l l m e ?

Chee : whAT

cowboy : I thought I was the only fellow here who used yall

b-b-bilk : **@Mike Hanlon **re al ly?

Eds : bitches our fucking lUNCh is ready Goddamnit

Sadist : .hudyuYTFYG

Momo : what happened to stani

Chee : did he get nuked?

Sadist : Im.dgiu

Sadist : .

Sadist : I’ll be there in a minute.

Eds : bitch got the fuck up from the couch just to run upstairs, wyd stan?

Momo : said bitch just waltzed into richie’s room, looking as if he had just gotten back from running 5 miles (meaning he looked like bill rn), looked back and forth between me and bill, and ran tf out. wyd stan?

Sadist : Disregard my actions and eat your food in peace.

Momo : mk

Momo : me and bill downstairs now

Momo : bITCh yoU WERE WAITING FOR ME AND BILL TO GET OUT OF RICHIE’S ROOM WEREN’T YOU?

Chee : why?

Momo : BITCH JUST RAN WHEN HE RECEIVED THE TEXT I-

cowboy : sigh

cowboy : are y’all gonna eat or what

Chee : eat.

Eds : what?

Eds : we’re starting without stan?

Eds : meanies

Sadist : Yeah

Sadist : Just

Sadist : Eat.

Sadist : Without me

Sadist : Okay? _Seen by Chee, Eds, b-b-bilk, Momo, baby and cowboy._

_-_

**Beauty >> Bitch**

Beauty : okay you bitch what the FUCK is going on here

Bitch : What?

Bitch : Nothings going on

Beauty : You LIAR

Beauty : tell me

Bitch : Sigh

_Bitch sent a screenshot._

_Bitch sent a screenshot._

_Bitch sent a screenshot._

Beauty : oh

Beauty : my

Beauty : GOD

Beauty : RICHIE CANT KEEP A FUCKING SECRET OMF

Bitch : Obviously.

Beauty : and

Beauty : whY’D YOU EVEN TELL HIM??

Bitch : Because, unfortunately for me, I had no idea what he was gonna do and he’s my bestfriend and I thought that he was, I don’t know, having a random thought or something?

Beauty : what.

-

**losers on crack **

cowboy : beverly get off your phone

Momo : wait a minute dad

-

**Beauty >> Bitch**

Beauty : now that explains why bill’s flustered as fuck

Beauty : now geT THE FUCK DOWN HERE

Beauty : I stole richie’s extra room key from eddie

Beauty : I’m coming up there Stanny

Bitch : Don’t

Bitch : I’m coming down

Beauty : good

-

_1:31 PM_

b-b-bilk : nooooOOooo!

b-b-bilk : it’s almost time!! L

Sadist : It’s almost 2PM, what are we doing before we do our Christmas-Hanukkah family stuff?

Eds : before I have to spend a whole of 7 weeks at my cheek-pinching aunt’s

Momo : before I have to spend a whole of 7 weeks with my cousins/without ben

cowboy : before I have to prepare a bunch of lambs for christmas/new year feasts

b-b-bilk : before I have to spend a week with Georgie slamming new toy cars into my bedroom door in the morning

baby : before I have to spend a week with almost all of my family at my uncle’s mansion

Chee : before I have to spend a week cleaning the fucking mess y’all made

b-b-bilk : **@Stanley Uris **I have no fucking idea

Chee : sevensome

Momo : is that even a thing?

Chee : idk

Chee : bukake

Momo : richie, NO

Eds : whAT THE FUCK

Sadist : Don’t

Chee : okay, sevensome it is then

baby : oof guys I don’t know what to do before we break up for the holidays!!

Sadist : Let me think

Chee : what else do I have in this home that’s interesting to a bunch of deranged teenagers?

b-b-bilk : hmm

_1:41 PM_

Momo : **@Richie Tozier**

Momo : …do you still have that inflatable bouncy house I gave you when you turned 14?

Chee : .

Chee : gaSP

-

**Opening Up Facebook…**

**3 New Notifications**

**🗯Beverly Marsh tagged you and 5 others in a photo.**

**😆Bill Denbrough, Eddie Kaspbrak, Stanley Uris, Ben Hanscom and Mike Hanlon reacted _Haha _to a post you are tagged in.**

**🗨Bill Denbrough, Eddie Kaspbrak, Stanley Uris, Ben Hanscom and Mike Hanlon commented on a post you are tagged in.**

**-**

**🔘Beverly Marsh –is with Richie Tozier, Stanley Uris, Ben Hanscom, and 3 others ** 5 minutes ago

yeeeeaaahhh

we goin back to our childhood selves

hmm ye don’t question how the fucker got the bouncyhouse

-

(picture of The Losers Club jumping in a bouncyhouse)

-

**👍Like**

**🗨Comment**

**🗯Share**

**-**

**👍** 😮 **😆You, Eddie Kaspbrak, Greta Bowie, Maggie Tozier and 8 others reacted.**

**Comments**

**Stanley Uris ** _7 minutes ago_

I did not partake in this.

_6 replies_

**Richie Tozier ** _7 minutes ago_

o k watever u say stani boi 😎😎

**Stanley Uris ** _6 minutes ago_

I take it you backread the chat 🤦🤦

**Richie Tozier ** _6 minutes ago_

ya

**Richie Tozier ** _6 minutes ago_

wait did you just use an EMOJI

**Richie Tozier ** _6 minutes ago_

out of the RICHIE IS A GAY LOSER GC?

**Stanley Uris ** _6 minutes ago_

Yes, yes I did. Now fuck right off.

-

**Bill Denbrough ** _6 minutes ago_

ohhhh… now I know why you suddenly jumped off from the bouncyhouse cuz beverly passing up the opportunity to jump up and down a bouncyhouse is SO un-beverly like

😆_6 ‘Haha’ Reacts, 👍1 ‘Like’ React_

-

**Richie Tozier ** _6 minutes ago_

thank you so much for reminding me this existed and was up in the attic

-

**Richie Tozier ** _5 minutes ago_

now I can jump up and down it whenever I like and my mom and dad do NOT have any say in this

_5 replies_

**Eddie Kaspbrak ** _5 minutes ago_

but I DO

**Richie Tozier ** _5 minutes ago_

nope

**Richie Tozier ** _5 minutes ago_

you could join me tho

**Eddie Kaspbrak ** _5 minutes ago_

oh

**Eddie Kaspbrak ** _4 minutes ago_

sure

-

**Greta Bowie ** _4 minutes ago_

nice

❤_Mike Hanlon reacted ‘Heart’_

_👍Beverly Marsh reacted ‘Like’_

_-_

**Ben Hanscom ** _4 minutes ago_

i wanna join tooooooooo! **@Richie Tozier**

_4 replies_

**Richie Tozier ** _4 minutes ago_

oh I’d totally invite you as well, benny, but me and eddie have other plans…

**Richie Tozier ** _4 minutes ago_

the R rated kind

😡_Eddie Kaspbrak reacted ‘Angry’_

**Eddie Kaspbrak ** _3 minutes ago_

OH my god I HATE YOU

❤_Richie Tozier reacted ‘Heart’_

**Richie Tozier ** _1 minute ago_

I love you too ❤

-

**Mike Hanlon ** _31 seconds ago_

can someone explain to me WHY we’re texting when we are LITERALLY in the same bouncyhouse?

😆_6 ‘Haha’ Reacts _

-

**Wentworth Tozier ** _29 seconds ago_

beverly my dear what’s going on?

😮_7 ‘Wow’ Reacts_

**Beverly Marsh ** _29 seconds ago_

Nothing, Uncle Went. We’re just hanging out.

**Wentworth Tozier ** _28 seconds ago_

Alright. Don’t go too crazy on the bouncyhouse.

-

**Maggie Tozier ** _27 seconds ago_

richie, WHAT

😆_7‘Haha’ Reacts _

**Richie Tozier ** _27 seconds ago_

we’re just hanging out mom

**Maggie Tozier ** _26 seconds ago_

yeah, right as if I’d believe that there’s beer bottles in the bg you bitch

😆_Richie Tozier reacted ‘Haha’ _

**Maggie Tozier ** _26 seconds ago_

don’t get too rowdy kids 😎😎

❤_7 ‘Heart’ Reacts_

_-_

**Richie Tozier ** _24 seconds ago_

**@Beverly Marsh **I think that you might need to start hiding these posts from our parents

**Maggie Tozier ** _23 seconds ago_

richie I’m still here

😆_7‘Haha’ Reacts _

**Richie Tozier ** _23 seconds ago_

🤭

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...PLEASE don't search up bukake  
PLEASE  
dont for the safety of your own eyes  
it's when a mommy, a daddy, a daddy, a daddy, a daddy,a daddy, a daddy, a daddy, a daddy,a daddy, a daddy, a daddy, a daddy,a daddy, a daddy, a daddy, a daddy, and a daddy decides that the mommy needs some extra facial moisture  
oh and maggie is best mom😎


	11. Christmas and New Year... Finally.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Losers leave Richie's house, don't talk to each other until Christmas and end up spamming each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALL i can get it up to date now

ch 11

_2:31 PM_

Chee : *inhales sharply*

Chee : it’s fucking time

Momo : noOOO

cowboy : ah shit

baby : :(((((((

Sadist : Sigh

b-b-bilk : *and I oops sadly* and I oop :(((((((((

Sadist : Wait no

Chee : fuck pls don’t

Eds : oml bill sksksksksksk

Chee : my LoVE OF MY LIFE D O N T

Momo : y’all this was suppsed to be a fuckin sad moment why

b-b-bilk : sorry but like we need to **#savetheturtles**

Eds : yeah we got more important things to worry about like saving the turtles and our scrunchies!!!!1!

b-b-bilk : yeah smh my head

cowboy : kill me now

b-b-bilk : but srsly doe

b-b-bilk : L

Eds : aaaaAAaaaaaaaAA I’m totally not stress-eating Rhianna’s carrot cake in the kitchen

Chee : wait

Chee : you shITHEADmsubfR

Chee : MY SISTER’S GONNA KILL ME FOR THAT WHEN SHE GETS BACK FROM BOARDING SCHOOL ASHFjvysahdgakyUIH

Eds : serves you right

Momo : y a l l like stop lezhit this the right way

b-b-bilk : did you just fucking l e z h i t m e ?

Momo : yas I did whatchu gon do bout it babe

b-b-bilk : smh my head

cowboy : rare footage of vsco girl VS kid stuck in the nineties

Momo : you aint got rad swag like mine bby

b-b-bilk : lezhit me one more fucking time I dare you

Momo : or what?

b-b-bilk : I’ll hit you with my hydroflask

Momo : fair, see ya l8r sk8r

Sadist : I’m tying the noose.

Chee : 101 of: How To Kill Yourself During VSCO Girl VS Nineties’ Kid Fight

Eds : guys like.

Eds: it’s 2:41

Eds : most of our parents expected us to be back by then

baby : sigh.

baby : I can’t leave yet

Momo : how bout we all go in pairs? so we don’t feel all lonely even when we go

cowboy : .

Momo : oh s h i t

Momo : bby come with me and ben

Sadist : So, Mike with Beverly and Ben, Eddie with Bill and me with Richie?

_Eds is typing…_

**You’re SUCH A DICKHEAD RICH >> Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3**

You’re SUCH A DICKHEAD RICH : Do Not Fucking Agree

Eds Spagheds Love of my life spaghetti <3 <3 : why?

Eds Spagheds Love of my life spaghetti <3 <3 : oh

**losers on crack**

_Eds stopped typing_

Eds : no

Eds : I wanna go with richie thooooooooooo

Momo : yea like

Momo : let the boy go stanner

Chee : hey I’m the only one allowed to call him that!!!

Sadist : But

Chee : no buTS STANNERANUS THE MANNERANUS

Sadist : What in the fuck

Sadist : But fine

Sadist : I’ll go with Bill, then

Chee : ye, go

Eds : ye, go (2)

Momo : ye, go (3)

baby : ???

b-b-bilk : hol up

b-b-bilk : wait

b-b-bilk : eddie

b-b-bilk : i

b-b-bilk : fine.

-

3:01 PM

Sadist : Made it home safe thanks to Bill.

b-b-bilk : am walking just came from stan’s house

Eds : made it home and I don’t think ‘safe’ no thanks to richie dickie

Chee : love u 2 mwahhh

Momo : sksksksk mike THANK U

cowboy : thought that u were supposed to be the kid from the ninetines not a vsco?

Chee : did you j u s t ?

_Chee is changing cowboy’s nickname_

baby : no!!!! richie pleasseee let me do the honors

_Chee stopped_

_baby changed cowboy’s name to ninetines._

ninetines : twas a simple misspelling

b-b-bilk : so like

b-b-bilk : this is it.

Sadist : Yeah.

Chee : see ya’ll next year

ninetines : y’all*

ninetines : respect your y’alls

Momo : bye, love YA’LL<3

ninetines : did you just-

b-b-bilk : my goshhh this is it bye YA’LL

ninetines : are you motherfuckers just

Eds : oh my god I’m gonna miss YA’LL so much over the holidays

ninetines : eddie not YOU TOO

Sadist : Goodbye, ya’ll.

ninetines : R E S P E C T T H E M O T H E R F U C K I N G Y ‘ A L L

baby : bye y’all!!!!!!

ninetines : sigh. only one valid person here

Momo : love you too, mike

ninetines : bye ya’ll. im gonna miss ya’ll even though we can still text each other

Chee : uhm.

Eds : mike-

ninetines : oh fuck

-

_December 25, 00:00 AM_

Chee : MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS MY BABIES

Momo : you mean MY babies**

Sadist : Richie, it’s midnight. You’re not supposed to be up.

Eds : you only do this on new years you idiot

Eds : congrats on waking me up

Eds : wait

Eds : GUYS I HEARD A THUMP DOWNSTAIRS

b-b-bilk : whAT?

ninetines : wait what

cowboy : I’m coming over

Eds : ricHIE?? HELP??

Chee : ho ho ho

Eds : oh.

Eds : nevermind guys its just a richie claus

baby : that exists?

Chee : OF COURSE IT DOES.

Eds : my god, shut up my mom might hear you

Eds : why’re you covered in black dus—

Eds : wait.

Eds : don’t tell me you ACTUALLY went through the chimney, rich

Chee : .

Eds : TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER NO W.

-

_2:32 PM_

baby : guys I know richie already wished you this but:

baby : merry christmas guys!!!

Momo : merry christmas my babies!!!!!

Chee : merry christler

Eds : merry christmas everyone!

ninetines : merry christmas y’all

b-b-bilk : merry christmas/Hanukkah guys!

Sadist : 1, Merry Christmas, guys.

Sadist : 2, thank you, Bill, for remembering Hanukkah as well.

b-b-bilk : welcs :)

Sadist : :)

Momo : don’t let him take all the credit. I was the one who reminded him

b-b-bilk : u h

Sadist : Hmm

Sadist : It’s alright.

-

_December 26, 2:22 AM_

b-b-bilk : what’d y’all get?

Momo : A. FUCKING. GUITAR. SJFGVDVUYFV I LOVE MY COUSIN

Chee : WHAT. REALLY???? SAME OMFG YOU SURE RHIANNA AND REGINA DIDN’T PLAN THIS FOR US IN BOARDING SCHOOL???

Momo : WAIT LET ME ASK

Momo : RICHIE WE OFFICIALLY HAVE THE BEST TWIN SISTER/COUSIN E V E R

Chee : SAGYHGDGFJSGJ OMFG

Sadist : MY MOM BOUGHT ME A C O C K A T O O AND A BIRDCAGE I’M CRYINF

Chee : OH MY GOD W H A T

Momo : STAN LET’S HANG OUT SOMETIME I WANT TO TEACH THAT PARROT THINGS

Sadist : …Absolutely not.

baby : I got a Jenga set from my mom!!!

baby : let’s all play sometime

ninetines : I did NOT just get a xbox.

Chee : GAS P

Chee : MIKE????

ninetines : sigh.

ninetines : yes, you can come over and play Mario kart with me.

Chee : THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU

b-b-bilk : I got a new laptop!!!! all thanks to georgie’s savings omf I love that boy.

Eds : a bunch of cheek-pinches and lipstick smudges from my aunt.

Momo : Awwww my baby!

Chee : …really?

Eds : --and a really detailed drawing of myself, and like three fanny packs with adorable designs on them, and a few sweaters and sweatshirts that I absolutely LOVE?? that came from a certain tall, skinny and kind-of-hot-most-of-the-time-no-all-of-the-time version of Santa Claus.

Chee : REALLY????

Eds : yes, richie I love them

Momo : OMF-

b-b-bilk : honestly that’s so fucking sweet that I just gotta say relationship goals.

Sadist : I wish.

baby : honestly even I couldn’t reach that level of sweet.

-

_January 1, 2020, 00:00 AM_

Chee : *sharply inhales*

Chee : HAPPY. NEW FUCKING Y E A R

Eds : happy new year!

Momo : HAPPY NEW YEARS

baby : happy new year everyone!!!!

b-b-bilk : happy new year guys

Sadist : Happy New Years.

ninetines : pi new yer

Chee : woah mikey u drunk or smth?

ninetines : yes, he is. this is his gf and he’s like super drunk so like he won’t be replying for a while today lol

Chee : wait what

_ninetines deleted a message._

Chee : honestly I’m just gonna ignore that since its new year and I love you all

_6 heart reacts_

-

_January 4, 8:45 PM_

b-b-bilk : ok so like happy new year guys 2020 get the party poppers but like do y’all realize school starts tomorrow

Eds : fuck

Momo : richie can I copy your project notes in chem?????

Chee : bold of you to assume I did the notes


	12. Stanky Fish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys this happens a month and a half later after January bcoz they spend the whole month with each other and not texting

Chee : GUYS I JUST REMEMBERED I OWNED A PHONE

Momo : WHAT THE FUCK RICHIE SAME

b-b-bilk : there WAS A FUCKING DING THAT CAME UNDERNEATH MY PILLOW AND IT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND THEN WHEN I CHECKED IT WAS MY P H O N E

Eds : my notification sound is literally someone knocking on glass, how’d you think it went for me?

baby : guys I didn’t really enjoy being awakened with my Knock On The Door ringtone at 12 am

ninetines : Excuse me, who are you people?

ninetines : oh wait this is our groupchat sdfghjkhgftrgufgtr

Sadist : Bill fell off the bed sljafkhsfhdg

Momo : .

Momo : are you 2 togETHER?????????// RIGHT NO W ?????//?

Chee : W H AT

Eds : i—

ninetines : you’re joking. you’re joking, right???

ninetines : I can’t believe stenbrough was first to get their shit together

ninetines : I always thought it’d be benverly, THEN stenbrough, then reddie

Momo : ikr? 

baby : benverly???

Eds : BEV YOU ARE SO OBVI SKSKSKSK

ninetines : who’s top??

Momo : obviously bill

Chee : big bill, it’s in the name

Eds : stan

Chee : you really believe that eds?

Eds : …no

b-b-bilk : we are NOT dating

Sadist : WE JUST SLEPT TOGETHER, GUYS.

Chee : a stenbrough one night stand? wha t ?

Momo : ao3 fanfic material

Eds : don’t start now.

Sadist : NO, I MEAN WE JUST SLEPT IN _THE_ **_SAME_** **_BED_**.

b-b-bilk : stan just had a bad time with his dad last night

Chee : oh.

Chee : WHY DIDN’T YOU COME TO ME THEN?

Momo : WHY DIDN’T YOU COME TO ME THEN? (2)

Eds : WHY DIDN’T YOU COME TO ME THEN? (3)

baby : aww stan why didn’t you come to me then??

ninetines : ^^

Sadist : Bill’s was closer

Sadist : And he comforts better, no offense Benny

baby : none taken!!!

Momo : yeah. or maybe you just wanted to fuck.

Sadist : **_I’M THIS CLOSE, BEV._**

** _ _ **

Momo : ew!!!! TMI!!!!

Chee : …we don’t need to know about your sex life stanley

Sadist : NO. I’M THIS CLOSE TO BLOCKING YOU ALL.

baby : sorry

Sadist : …Except Ben

b-b-bilk : GUYS I fell off the bed and you’re thinking of stenbrough??? seriously?????

ninetines : yes.

Eds : guys it’s 12 am it’s a school night now shut the fuck up :)

_4:05 AM_

_Richie Tozier created the group chat._

_Richie added Bill Denbrough, Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak, Ben Hanscom and Stanley Uris to the group chat._

Bill : *groan*

Mike : don’t

Eddie : aaaaaand four hours later, he’s at it again

Stanley : At least he doesn’t have his partner-in-crime with him, I think she’s asleep

Ben : what?? where’s bev? richie you forgot to add her

Richie : NO. pls don’t it’s the POINT

Bill : ????

Stanley : Did you and Beverly fight or something?

Richie : fuckin IDIOTS

Richie : you call yourselves her friends when you don’t even realize her bday’s in 2 days???????

Ben : WHAT

Eds : OH

Mike : FORGIVE ME ASDFGHLKFJ

Bill : OH MY FUCK SKSKSKSK

Stanley : I?

Stanley : Fuck, SO sorry

Richie : Hm. What I expected from the likes of y’all

Stanley : Did you just—

Richie : YES, STANLEY. I KNOW HOW TO TYPE ALL GRAMMARLY LIKE YOU.

Richie : what do you take me for? a dumb fuck?

_5 hahas._

Bill : yes

_5 hahas_

Eddie : we need more haha reacts on that

Mike : yes.

_Stanley added Maggie Tozier, Wentworth Tozier and Rhianna Tozier to the group chat._

Stanley : AW A KE N

Maggie : boys what the actual FUCK it’s 4 in the morning

Wentworth : ????

Rhianna : stankey what the fuck

Stanley : Haha that statement and I will let you sleep in peace

Maggie : I CAN sleep in peace if I just throw my phone across the room

_8 hahas._

Wentworth : ok but I’m not buying you a new phone.

Maggie : aight

_Maggie, Wentworth and Rhianna replied to Bill’s statement ‘yes’_

_3 haha reacts_

Maggie : aight now fuck off and let me sleep before work stanky fish

_Maggie left the group._

_Wentworth left the group._

_Rhianna left the group._

Mike : the Toziers are an icon

Mike : …mostly maggie

Ben : ikr

Eddie : I wish I lived with them

Bill : aight but 3 things

Bill : 1. stanley what the fuck they’re okay with you doing that??

Bill : 2. HOLY FUCK I GOT 8 HAHA REACTS ON THAT REPLY

Bill : 3. MAGS CALLS STAN ‘STANKY FISH’.

Richie : AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME SHE CALLED YOU THAT????

Stanley : Oh, fuck.

Bill : oh and 4, why the toziers???

Stanley : They were the only people I could think of that would agree that Richie’s a dumb fuck.

Bill : oh aight

Richie : GUYS I KNOW ME AND MY FAMILY ARE AWESOME BUT THAT IS NOT THE FUCKING POINT

Richie : BEV.

Bill : aight. richie u plan u kno more

Richie : aight so my house again or?

Eddie : don’t you think Maggie gets tired from hosting all these parties???

Richie : gasp

Richie : eds have you nevER MET MY MOTHER ?

Bill : yeah eddie she LIKES hosting these parties

Richie : honestly she LOVED going to parties if they included drinks and weed

Richie : she still? kinda wants to go to them but not like a bunch of 34 year olds host parties like that anymore

Mike : image of responsibility

Ben : ALRIGHT, BEV.

Richie : ok my house or no

Stanley : How about her house? I think her aunt and cousins would want to celebrate it with her too.

Ben : oh ye! they’re really nice gals

Richie : aight, bevvie’s house it is then!

Richie : so her bday is on a Thursday.

Richie : and I kno for one thing that after school on thursdays she goes to the Rosy Fabrics fabric store across town because she likes making small shit like handkerchiefs and hairties or shit as a pastime?

Mike : yeah?

Richie : and she stays there for an hour or two picking fabrics because quote-unquote, “THE FABRICS ARE FUCKING **_AMAZING, _**RICH, AND YOU N E E D TO COME WITH ME NEXT THURSDAY ‘CAUSE YOU WILL SERIOUSLY _SHIT _YOURSELF.”

Bill : yep, that’s bev

Richie : SO that gives us enough time to throw decorations around and shit before milady comes over with two baskets full of FUCKING AMAZING fabrics

Stanley : Baskets?

Richie : I shit you not, Stanley, the gal brings two baskets over for it

Stanley : O k a y.

Richie : and we’re asking her aunt today or tomorrow

Eddie : YOU do it, cuz you’re the one closest to her and her aunt cuz u come over a lot

Richie : ye, I was planning on doing that

Richie : AND

Richie : shit

Ben : Quick!!! MAKE EXCUSES

**losers on crack**

Momo : what the fuck y’all? why are all of you online but NOT chatting??? That’s fucking unusual

Momo : GASP

Momo : DO ALL OF YOU HAVE SECRET RELATIONSHIPS OR SOMETHING??

ninetines : what?

Momo : why are all of you online???

Chee : I’m on facebook browsing memes because of my…insomnia

b-b-bilk : me and stanley couldn’t sleep after richie very unceremoniously woke us up at 12am

Momo : so you started sexting each other. ah, I get it.

b-b-bilk : what the fUcK. WE’RE playing games on messenger

Eds : I’m internet stalking richie

**moo >> chicken man**

moo : okay, because that’s the most casual excuse ever

chicken man : fucking hell mike I couldn’t THINK QUICK ENOUGH

**losers on crack**

Momo : okay because that’s the most casual thing ever.

ninetines : PFT

Eds : DON’T

ninetines : I was… chatting with a girl

Momo : AIGHT, WHO THE FUCK

Momo : *loading the mc-fucking-who gun

ninetines : no

Momo : .

Momo : *unloads

Chee : nothing milady, milove, milove of my life

Eds : .

Chee : aight, the SECOND love of my life

Eds : okay, but who’s first?

Chee : sigh

Momo : sigh (2)

Sadist : sigh (3)

b-b-bilk : sigh (4)

ninetines : sigh (5)

baby : sigh (6)

Eds : what?

Chee : OKAY.

Chee : SO MILADY, MILOVE, MI2ND LOVE OF MY LIFE.

Chee : NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT DEAR

Chee : NOW GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

Momo : no way, I want to play Basketball FRVR on messenger with someone!

baby : I’ll play with you!

Momo : aw thanks my love!!

Chee : *watches heartbrokenly

Momo : omg stop with the **

Momo : brings back memories from RPing with someone when I was 12

Chee : H A

**Bev’s bday in 2 mcfucking days.**

Ben : guys plan without me!!!!! I’ll just backread

Bill : ben you are an ANGEL.

Richie : brave of you to sacrifice yourself to the basketball frvr master

Ben : oops

Richie : A NY WAYS

_4:18 AM_

Stanley : RICHIE, WHAT THE FUCK. IT’S BEEN 10 MINUTES AND YOU’RE NOT ANSWERING.

Richie : oh FUCK I fell asleep

Mike : oh boy

Bill : U G H

Eddie : guys! let richie sleep! the guy has insomnia and it’s a rare opportunity for him to find sleep, so please let him sleep!

Richie : but-

Eddie : no buts dipshit, get some sleep! I’ll wake you up later

Eddie : as for the planning, we’ll do it later. please let chee get some sleep

Richie : okie dokie milove

Stan : Alright, I’ll let him sleep.

_Seen by Richie, Eddie, Bill, Stan and Mike_

**Stan d Man >> Trashmouth**

Stan d Man : As if. I’m not gonna let you sleep after the Reddie that just happened bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay safe y'all !


	13. STAN SLEPT WITH BILL C O N F I R M E D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY I FORGOT THIS CHAPTER WASNT UPLOADED AND I SKDIFHJKFDSFGHJK  
ALSO NEXT WELCOME TO HELL CHAPTER IS COMIN UP I SWEAR

**Trashmouth >> Stanley d Manly**

Trashmouth : oh my GOD you bottom stop fuckinf bothering me I want to go to sleeo

Stanley d Manly : Okay but after Beverly’s birthday I’m calling her about that.

Trashmouth : how about NO

Trashmouth : also see how you didn’t disagree with being a bottom?

Stanley d Manly : Nevermind go to sleep, dick.

Trashmouth : I do have a big dick, yes

Stanley d Manly : I’m gonna block you.

Trashmouth : wait no I’ll sleep

_7:48 AM_

**losers on crack**

Sadist: Guys, why is only me, Mike and Ben at school?

b-b-bilk : skipping.

Chee : skipping. (2)

Momo : skipping. (3)

Eds : omw

Sadist : **@Bill Denbrough **Come here RIGHT this instant, Denbrough.

b-b-bilk : uh oh my wifey caught me guYS

Chee : hmm

Momo : hmm (2)

ninetines : hmm (3)

Eds : I’m here, and FUCK am I late.

Eds : sorry ben.

Eds : I’m gonna get a late pass before coming to math

baby : it’s alright!

Eds : richie, if I don’t see you come out of History after 1st period I WILL murder you.

Chee : ack jeez fine omw

Momo : .

Momo : aren’t I gonna get reprimanded by my wife/hubby for not coming to school????????

Sadist : No, you’re single for life.

baby : I’ll try to be mean

baby : hmm

baby : beverly marsh please get to school now or. or else.

baby : how was that??? J

Momo : ohmygod that was fucking ADORKABLE my baby i—

Momo : I’m coming to school RIGHT NOW just for that

Chee : aww eds my wife why aren’t you like that???? I wish you’d do that

Eds : fine

Eds : beverly marsh come to school right now or else

Chee : sigh, luv u 2

Eds : :) fuck you

**Richie is a gay loser**

Gay dumbass in love : sigh

bi-verly : sigh sigh

Stanley is not-so manly : Sigh, sigh, sigh.

**losers on crack**

Eds : richie???????

Eds : dude come to school NOW

Eds : fine I love you too dickwad

**Richie is a gay loser lol**

Gay dumbass in love : NEVERMIND

bi-verly : WOOOOOOOoooooOoOoOo

Stanley is not-so manly : You two are the only gay people I don’t respect.

Gay dumbass in love : u don’t respect bill when u wolfin down his D and he gay ;)

Stanley is not-so Manly : **>Block**

Gay dumbass in love : try me

Stanley is not-so Manly : **>…and Report**

Gay dumbass in love : wait no fine I’ll respond

Stanley is not-so Manly : Also, Bill is BISEXUAL, not gay.

Gay dumbass in love : so am i. but we’re more on the gay side of bi

**losers on crack**

Chee : yay u finally love me :D

Eds : of course I do, always have. now get the fuck to school or I’ll

Eds : I’ll

Eds : fuck

Eds : not my proudest moment

_6 hahas._

Eds : NOW GET THE FUCK TO SCHOOL, CHEE. OR I’LL.

Momo : --wolf down your dick

Eds : what? no

ninetines : I bet it’s on ur bucket list tho

**chicken man >> moo**

chicken man : …yes it is

moo : OMF EDDIE LMAO TMI

moo : U R WAYLD

chicken man : w i l d, its WILD mr hanlon

**losers on crack**

Eds : WHAT NO

ninetines : mhm

Eds : .

Eds : now get the fuck to school rich or else.

b-b-bilk : he settled for the _or else_ hahahahahha

Sadist : Bill, school.

b-b-bilk : aight <3

Sadist : <3

Momo : since when has :) evolved into <3

b-b-bilk : fuck RIGHT off

-

_8:12 AM_

b-b-bilk : so I’m sitting next to this couple in bio and miss Williams gave us a break

b-b-bilk : and the (extremely hetero!) couple was so… g r o s s

b-b-bilk : like they were making out in the room

Eds : ew

b-b-bilk : and then some guy called the guy over and he stood up to go to his friend but his gf was like ‘nooooooo’ and he was like ‘I’ll come back I promise’ and she was super clingy

b-b-bilk : and then she said ‘but you made me hard babe’ and the guy looked her dead in the eye and said ‘but hailey you don’t have a dick’

Chee : fUCK I ACTUALLY BURST OUT LAUGHING IN LIT. DUDE I—

Momo : W HA T.

b-b-bilk : and then she was like ‘it’s my spiritual dick babe. I mean please just come back?????’ and he was like kinda pissed or smth and he went over to his friend

ninetines : wow.

ninetines : she was both chaotic AND clingy

baby : chaotic + clingy….

baby : = Chingy

Momo : wassup?

Chee : why yo ass so chinky?

Momo : I dunno

Chee : is it becoz u been smoking n drinking?

Momo : maybe so

Chee : I been thinking…

Momo : huh?

Chee : maybe u com wit me?

Momo : and do what?

Sadist : Oh my GOD stop it with that Chingy song

b-b-bilk : Stanley hates Chingy’s Jackpot confirmed

Sadist : Bill s t o p.

b-b-bilk : beg.

Sadist : Later.

Momo : WHAT STAN WHAT ASDFGHGFDSASDFGHGFDSA

Eds : STOP I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF HISTORY I DIDN’T WANT TO LAUGH LIKE A HYENA IN THIS CLASS.

ninetines : can confirm: he just shot snot out of his nose

Eds : HEY THERE WASN’T SNOT

baby : guys I’m actually laughing so hard right now I cant evEn-

Chee : STAN OML

Chee : TELL US THE REAL REASON YOU WERE AT BILL’S YESTERDAY

Sadist : Because

Sadist : OH LOOK MY ARTS CLASS JUST FINISHED I’M ON MY WAY TO MY PHYSICS CLASS NOW. SEE YOU THERE BILL AND EDDIE.

_Sadist is offline._

Chee : STAN SLEPT WITH BILL CON F I R MED.

b-b-bilk : HE DID N O T.

b-b-bilk : though we are KIND OF dating now, WE HAVE NEVER SLEPT TOGETHER.

Momo : KJSGAKJJDSASDFGHJKL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ninetines : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and I’m heading to my arts class.

Chee : OMF NO FJUCKING WAY

Eds : WHAT.

Eds : WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT.

Eds : W H A T

b-b-bilk : eddie. physics. now.

Eds : I-------

b-b-bilk : EDDIE.

Chee : hey!!!1 no one talks dirty to my wife except me

Eds : oh shut UP richie rich

Momo : richie rich?????

b-b-bilk : lmao it’s what eddie used to call richie when we were six though he never calls him that anymore. or so I thought.

Eds : PHYSICS, HUH. HERE I COME.

_Eds is offline._

baby : heading to sosh with bev!

_baby is offline._

_Momo is offline._

ninetines : …and then there were 3

_b-b-bilk is offline._

ninetines : .

Chee : .

_ninetines is offline._

Chee : REALLY, GUYS? REALLY??????

_11:21 AM_

Chee : do u ever just listen to coldplay’s paradise and start crying?

Sadist : We’re in English, Richie, but yes.

Momo : definitely.

b-b-bilk : mhm.

Eds : yes.

baby : yeppy

ninetines : yessir!

Momo : She gives me chills she makes me blush she gives me worth

Chee : worth!

Eds : and I can see her winning the miss universe

b-b-bilks : and if heaven does exist it will most prolly look like her

baby : (yuh!)

Sadist : Stop texting each other the lyrics to Catriona and try to actually listen to the lecture for once.


	14. i n t e r c o u r s e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie : aaaaaand stan & bill do the decorating!!1!!!
> 
> Richie : u guys can start in the bedroom ;)
> 
> Stan : 😒
> 
> Richie : WAIT DID U JUST FUCKING USE AN EMOJI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not proofread we die like men  
this chapter is shit by the way so :)

ch 14

_5:05 PM_

**Bev’s bday in 2 mcfucking days.**

Richie : u guys home yet?????

Eddie : duh we’re home

Richie : alright SO

Richie : I try to go and seduce bevvie’s aunt and cousins to let us host a party at her house

Richie : mikey boy be cookin foodies

Mike : okiessss!!!!!!!!

_Richie set Mike’s nickname to Gordon Ramsay._

Gordon Ramsay : oof ok

Richie : uhhh,,, ben u wrap presents!!!!

Richie : everyone better hand him the presents tmrw or later so he can get a headstart!!

_Richie set Ben’s nickname to Eminem._

Eminem : huh????

Richie : u know,, ur a wrapper

Richie : wrapper/rapper

Richie : ;)

Stan : That joke fucking sucks

Richie : AIGHT jeez u kj

Richie : aaaaaand stan & bill do the decorating!!1!!!

Richie : u guys can start in the bedroom ;)

Stan : 😒

Richie : WAIT DID U JUST FUCKING USE AN EMOJI

Bill : OmL

Stan : Oh my GOD. Shut UP.

Richie : aight so,, no nicknames for stan & bill bcoz idk what to put there

Stan : Thank God.

Eddie : what about me??

Richie : alright, so,, me and eddie do things with the streamers and blow each others balls!!1

Eddie : WHA T

Stan : …He clearly means blow balloons but ok

Bill : SKSKSKSK RICHIE

Gordon Ramsay : ASDFGHJKJHGFDSA

_Richie changed Eddie’s nickname to Balls Blower._

Balls Blower : SKSKSKS WHAT THE FUCK RICH

Richie : dw bout it cuz im

_Richie changed his nickname to Eddie’s Blower ;)._

Eddie’s Blower ;) : wit ya

Bill : ASDFGHJKJHGFDS R I CH I E

Eddie’s Blower ;) : and after all that me and bill pick the music we should blast at full volume!!!!

Eddie’s Blower ;) : bcoz we have the best music taste here!!!

Bill : ily <3

Stan : Hm

Bill : yea u 2 <3

Gordon Ramsay : can u 2 like,, NOT flirt in here cuz like,, some of us r like STILL single here

Balls Blower : ur starting to sound like Greta Keene

Gordon Ramsay : uh,, no

Gordon Ramsay : but hey!! don’t I have good music taste >:(

Eddie’s Blower : nah ur just gonna play Ariana Grande songs on repeat

Gordon Ramsay : oof fair

Gordon Ramsay : but 1. Ariana grande’s songs are amazing you uncultured swine

Gordon Ramsay : and 2. I listen to Matthaios

Eddie’s Blower : me, bill & mike will pick the music because we have the best music taste

Balls Blower : what the fuck

Balls Blower : I fucking listen to Matthaios too

Eddie’s Blower : ok so like all of us except ben and stan

Eminem : cant argue with best logic

Eddie’s Blower : ben I fckin love u

Eminem : awe ily 2!!!!!!!

Stan : But wait, the music needs to be family-friendly because Beverly’s cousins are minors and there’s an adult there who is not Maggie.

Gordon Ramsay : lmao I love that the losers call adults who don’t have teen/party spirit are called ‘adults who are not maggie’

Stan : Yes, because Maggie is the best parent.

Balls Blower : but she calls u stankey fish

Stan : Went is the best parent.

Eddie’s Blower : ouch that hurts ME yknow

Eddie’s Blower : cuz y’know,, I’m like Mags and Eds is like went,, so that’s basically saying eddie is the better parent!! we all know he’s gonna be the boring parent!!!

Balls Blower : what

Eddie’s Blower : I’m the fun dad ur the boring dad

Balls Blower : i

Balls Blower : uhm

Balls Blower : ok,,??

**Richie is a gay loser lol**

Stanley is not-so Manly : He’s flustered

Gay dumbass in love : yup aaaaaaaa he’s so fucking CUTE stan

bi-verly : what???

bi-verly : did I miss something???

**Trashmouth >> Stanley d Manly**

Trashmouth : u fucked up

Stanley d Manly : Fuck.

**Richie is a gay loser lol**

Gay dumbass in love : UH

Stanley d Manly : Richie is with Eddie right now

Stanley d Manly : …And Richie might’ve accidentally fallen on Eddie

bi-verly : oh u stupid GAYS

Gay dumbass in love : bisexual, mrs hanscom. BISEXUAL. u should know ur own kind.

bi-verly : pardon me my good sir

**Bev’s bday in 2 mcfucking days.**

Bill : where’d yall go

Stan : Ahem, as I said. Family-friendly music. And some of Matthaios’ songs have vague implications of intercourse.

Eddie’s Blower : u fuckin sound like simon spier’s mom dude

Eddie’s Blower : not like I’m implying ur the mom friend. ur more like the grandma friend

Eddie’s Blower : like,, ur simon’s mom & mpreg is a thing and simon spier & bram greenfield give birth to babies and then ur a grandma. boom

Eddie’s Blower : ‘intercourse’

Eddie’s Blower : it’s called SEX stanley, you should try it sometime with bill ;)

Stan : That… was detailed

Eddie’s Blower : but ANYWAYS not like anyone would understand most of Matthaios songs they’re in like,, german

Gordon Ramsay : LMAO WHAT

Gordon Ramsay : MATTHAIOS IS F I L I P I N O

Eddie’s Blower : O H

Bill : I’M SHITTING MYSELF

Bill : YOU

Bill : YOU FUCKING THOUGHT HIS SONGS WERE IN GERMAN????

Eddie’s Blower : I-

Stan : Aren’t you an A+ Student?

Eddie’s Blower : LANGUAGES WERE NEVER MY STRONG POINT OK

Balls Blower : ignoring richie’s stupidity

Balls Blower : most of matthaios’ songs are in Filipino and he only does a really, really vague description of ‘intercourse’ and kids wont exactly understand that even if its English u kno?

Stan : S TO P

Eddie’s Blower : i n t e r c o u r s e

Stan : I SAID STOP ASDFGHJKDSA

Gordon Ramsay : when u embarrass stan to the point he’s not checking on his grammar sdjdjd

Balls Blower : ANYWAYS Matthaios drinks respecting women juice

Bill : holy shit eddie that’s the smartest thing ive ever heard today

Gordon Ramsay : yes he does 👌👌

Stan : That’s the smartest thing I’ve ever heard Eddie say.

Balls Blower : fuck u

Stan : That’s Richie’s job.

Eddie’s Blower : ANYWAY

Eddie’s Blower : matthaios might drink respecting women juice but ben drinks at least liters of that

Gordon Ramsay : sdjdjdjdj accurate 👌👌

Bill : nevermind THIS is the smartest thing I’ve ever heard today^^

Balls Blower : honestly I cant ever get angry at that because that’s the smartest thing I’VE ever heard and that came from RICHIE of ALL people

Eddie’s Blower : ilyt💓💓

Eminem : aaaaaaaaa you guys!!!!!

Bill : but ben doesn’t drink JUST respecting women juice he drinks respecting humanity juice

Bill : and THIS is now the smartest thing I’ve heard

Eddie’s Blower : BILL UR A FUCKING GENIUS

Bill : ik ty <3

Gordon Ramsay : HAH G A Y

Stan : .

Balls Blower : .

Eminem : oml mike don’t!!!!! eddie & stan r gonna get jealous

Bill : lmao when even the WHOLESOME one knows

Balls Blower : knows? knows what? knows where?

Eddie’s Blower : cOaCh? wHaT cOaCh? wHeRe cOaCh?

Stan : …Was that an Oliver! reference or a Love, Simon reference?

Eddie’s Blower : ….both

Stan : Tolerable.

Eddie’s Blower : ANYWAYS that’s over with

Bill : rlly????

Eddie’s Blower : yep

Eddie’s Blower : summary is: yall bring ur gifts for bev to ben tmrw and stan and bill u better have bought décor by that time

Stan : We’ll get the decorations tomorrow.

Eddie’s Blower : alright and mike u can cook idk when u plan

Gordon Ramsay : aye

Balls Blower : and I’m not going to do anything meanwhile????

Eddie’s Blower : u can blow me

Eddie’s Blower : jk yeah u don’t get to do anything meanwhile

Eddie’s Blower : I’ll get the balloons and streamers and confetti while u do nothing

Eddie’s Blower : u can rest

Eddie’s Blower : :)

Balls Blower : alright. im going offline now

Eddie’s Blower : :(

Balls Blower : what?

Eddie’s Blower : u didn’t say ily!

Balls Blower : why would i??

Eddie’s Blower : :c

Balls Blower : suffer.

_5:11 PM_

Balls Blower : i love you, rich

Eddie’s Blower : :D

Balls Blower : happy now?

Eddie’s Blower : very. ilyt spaghetti!!!!!

Balls Blower : don’t call me that.

-

Secretly, Eddie was smiling, phone in his hand, as he lay on his bed.

-

Gordon Ramsay : ok u gays

_Balls Blower went offline._

Gordon Ramsay : that it?

Eddie’s Blower : yep. yall can do whatever you want now

Eddie’s Blower : meeting dismissed

Bill : aight mr president

-

**Blue Jay >> lil’ birdy<3**

lil’ birdy<3 : Bill?

Blue Jay : yeah lil birdie?

lil’ birdy<3 : …I’m home alone

Blue Jay : omw

-

**Hot QUEEN<3 >> bby boy<3**

Hot QUEEN<3 : ..ben

bby boy<3 : oh yes???

Hot QUEEN<3 : why are you all online but not chatting in the gc??

bby boy<3 : oh we’re talking in a different gc about how lovely you are.

Hot QUEEN<3 : sdjdjdjdj you’re so fucking CUTE ben

bby boy<3 : !<3

**pumpkin pie<3>>mikey moo<3**

pumpkin pie<3 : mikeeeee

mikey moo<3 : what do you want

pumpkin pie<3 : omg how dare u assume i want something like wtf

mikey moo<3 : jkjk ily, what?

pumpkin pie<3 : come over

pumpkin pie<3 : holy SHIT that was fast

pumpkin pie<3 : wtf farmboy we live atleast 11 houses away????

mikey moo<3 : i'm superman

pumpkin pie<3 : yeah and i'm jojo siwa.

mikey moo<3 : lmao shut up you jojo siwa wannabe and open the door hahha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand let's end it off with some reddie, stenbrough, benverly and mike/someone ;) y'all can guess but if you read 'welcome to hell' you probably know who it is already lmao 
> 
> this chapter was just me complaining to the world that y'All should listen to matthaios even though most of it is filipino. so what if its filipino?? its mostly english there's only a few filipino words dropped in anyway. what matters is the guy is a BOP. y'all should. or shouldn't. whatev. if you're gonna listen i suggest you go with Love Again, Vibe With Me or Catriona first. also drop a kudos and a comment cuz i love reading those. :)


	15. Chapter 15

ch 15

_February 12, 6:30 PM_

**Bev’s mcfucking bday in 2 days**

Eddie’s Blower : ok so what did yall get the queen

Eddie’s Blower : I bought her a guitar pick anndd some black ankle boots

Bill : n0 FAIR RICHIE YOU KNOW HER BETTER THAN WE DO

Eddie’s Blower : ye lmaooo suck it down

Bill : but i just went to the center of town and next to the ice cream parlor we always go to was a clothes store that was ‘aesthetic’ so,, I got her a denim jacket,, with lil sticker things

Stan : I bought her a book.

Eddie’s Blower : of course u did.

Stan : Not just any book. The Conference of The Birds by Ransom Riggs.

Eddie’s Blower : WAIT

Eddie’s Blower : ISN’T THAT,, THE 5TH MPHFPC BOOK???/

Stan : Yup.

Eddie’s Blower : I’M CRYING SDFGHJASDFGH BEV IS SO LUCKY

Balls Blower : what the fuck??

Balls Blower : rich actually reads books??

Eddie’s Blower : excuse you. not just any book. miss peregrine’s home for peculiar children is THE shit.

Balls Blower : ok??

Bill : richie loves mphfpc lmao he justs ships enoch and horace

Eddie’s Blower : sHUTUp

Eddie’s Blower : THIS IS ABOUT BEV,, NOW,, WHAT’D Y’ALL GET HER

Balls Blower : uhhh,, a lace choker thing,, and a purse with an ice cream in front??

Eddie’s Blower : good choice, Spaghedward,, now,, ben & mike??????

Balls Blower : DON’T CALL ME THAT

Gordon Ramsay : .a holocaust miniskirt and a pink spaghetti top

Eddie’s Blower : .

Balls Blower : RICHIE, NO.

Balls Blower : but wait isn’t that what greta keene likes to wear everyday?

Gordon Ramsay : um. no. duh.

Balls Blower : o,,k,,

Eminem : I,, got her a pendant necklace. it’s kind of golden and heart-shaped,, and inside I put a little picture of all of us together.

Eddie’s Blower : .

Eddie’s Blower : ok,, I might know bevvie better than y’all,, BUT. ben has the best gift. she’ll love it. omfg.

Bill : did u just omfg

Eddie’s Blower : yah ur problem vsco girl?

Bill : nothing

Eddie’s Blower : ok well,, ben,, if its ok with u bby boy,, pick em up at everyone’s houses. I’ll just drop mine off because I’m headin to bev’s to vibe.

Eminem : that’s fine with me!! <3

Balls Blower : are you sure you’re just going to ‘vibe’?

Eddie’s Blower : relax babe. we’re not gonna do any funky stuff ;)

Balls Blower : wtf.

Balls Blower : don’t,, don’t call me that.

Eddie’s Blower : ok but literally just wanna vibe with my girl over there b4 her bday and also because i feel sad af for some reason I wanna vibe it off

Balls Blower : why are you sad rich???/?

Eddie’s Blower : dunno. just got a vibe I guess lmao I’m gonna replace it with a cloud9 vibe or smth so imma head over to hers for a smoke and,, we be vibin

Balls Blower : oh,, ok

Bill : lmao stop saying vibe. but tfw when you’re suddenly sad and need to vibe it off by smoking

Bill : oh,, and,, rich?

Eddie’s Blower : ye billy?

Bill : if you want some 🍀💨💨,, come over and pick it up

Eddie’s Blower : lmao that’s a clover. but ok. omw.

Balls Blower : ok. what is 🍀💨💨 ??

Gordon Ramsay : weed

Eddie’s Blower : it’s nothing of the sort Michael!

Eddie’s Blower : yes well I’m going to bev’s so I’m offline now bye

_Eddie’s Blower went offline_

Balls Blower : …it was weed wasn’t it

Bill : NO

-

_7:58 PM_

Eminem : I got all of the presents now rich!!

Eddie’s Blower : oh. okay. good.

Bill : ur high now rnt u?

Eddie’s Blower : uhm. no.

Bill : lmao ik ur high and sad

Eddie’s Blower : haha. how’d you know?

Bill : u get all punctuation-al and shit when you’re high/sad AND I’m the one who gave you the weed

Eddie’s Blower : oh, haha. fair point. i guess I forgot.

Gordon Ramsay : ,,u sound blander than stan

Stan : What?

Eddie’s Blower : ew. no.

Gordon Ramsay : well no richie has this kind of aesthetic,, when he chats like that

Bill : ikr

Bill : im imagining richie and bev surrounded by pulsing neon pink and purple LED lights and they’re chilling,, smoking and listening to whatever lo-fi playlist they found on YouTube

Gordon Ramsay : he’s at it again with the literature lmaoooo

Bill : idk I needed to share that

Gordon Ramsay : ok but now I’m imagining that

Eddie’s Blower : …how’d you know that was what we were doing?

Bill : WHAT

Eddie’s Blower : i mean, yeah, technically what we were doing, but we found this video called ‘_sex(ual) songs for the bedroom_

Balls Blower : .

Eddie’s Blower : no, we’re not doing anything of the sort dumbass

Balls Blower : I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING???

Eddie’s Blower : it’s fucking lo00o-fi man

Bill : he’s high

Eddie’s Blower : i’m gone.

Bill : mhm

Bill : now go chop his dick off

Gordon Ramsay : SDJDJDD I LOVE Y’ALL

Stan : IF HE DOESN’T TREAT YOU RIGHT BY NOW, YOU’RE GONE.

Gordon Ramsay : I’M GONE.

Stan : MHM.

Stan : NOW GO CHOP HIS DICK OFF.

Eminem : I love u guys aasdfghj

Eddie’s Blower : im gonna stop here now because bev is in the same room as me and she might see this so bye.

_Eddie’s Blower went offline._

Bill : well who gives a fuck

Bill : let’s all quote vines because we’re dumb assholes!

Bill : WELCOME TO DEL TACO

Bill : THEY GOT A NEW THING CALLED

Bill : FR E SHA VO CADO

Balls Blower : ASDFGHJKL

Balls Blower : OH MY GOD

Balls Blower : MEGHAN YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US

Bill : ACTUALLY I CANT SIT *ANYWHERE*

Bill : I HAVE

Gordon Ramsay : H E M O R RH O ID S

Bill : FUCK YOU I WAS GONNA FINISH THAT ;(

Stan : Can you guys STOP

Stan : I COULDA DROPPE MAH CROISSANT

Stan : Oh my God I just misspelt

Eminem : omg

Eminem : you did??

Eminem : well don’t worry I couldn’t read your misspellings stan

Eminem : its cuz I’m jared, I’m 19 and I never fuckin learned how to read

Balls Blower : did you just

Balls Blower : s wea r?

Balls Blower : hol up

Balls Blower : im drivin to yours

Balls Blower : im in me mums car

Balls Blower : vroom vroom

Stan : GET OUT OF ME CAR

Balls Blower : aw

Eddie’s Blower : what the fuck, guys. i was literally gone for 6 minutes, wow. bev’s in the bathroom. now let’s talk.

Bill : y’all damn right about the aesthetic richie got when he high

Stan : ‘Richie’s aesthetic’ my ass

Gordon Ramsay : shUT UP

Stan : WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY

Gordon Ramsay : .

Gordon Ramsay : CAN I GET ONE PLANE TICKET PLEASE

Eddie’s Blower : alright, you guys have nice taste in vines but can we talk now please?

Bill : aight

Balls Blower : ok

Gordon Ramsay : sorry dad

Eddie’s Blower : WAIT NO WHEN HAVE I EVER BEEN THE DAD FRIEND

Bill : ,,,I think he’s recovering from his high

Eddie’s Blower : you bet I am bi-bi-bitch aight lez go

Eddie’s Blower : now, what do we want?

Bill : a heartfelt ending to this vine

Eddie’s Blower : what the—

Eddie’s Blower : wait

Eddie’s Blower : dad?

Bill : thas right im home

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gosh I’m sorry for late upload. it’s been a month I know but like I was busy as hell
> 
> sorry if it was obvious I ended it cause I have forgot most of the plot now excuse me Im gonne reread


	16. YOU DON'T WATCH SPONGEBOB????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16 of group chat madness ft. Maggie making a your mom joke on her son, Reddie flirting, Stan and Eddie being an uncultured swine and birthday wishes.

ch 16

Eddie’s Blower : anyways SO

Eddie’s Blower : we already know the plan, right, losers?

Bill : aye aye cap’n

Gordon Ramsay : I CAN’T HEAR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Bill : AYE AYE CAP’N

Gordon Ramsay : OOOOOOOOOOOOOO THERE LIVED ONCE A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE ok I’m done

Stan : Pft. You guys still watch Spongebob?

Eddie’s Blower : WHAT

Bill : OMFADFGH

Eddie’s Blower : AND YOU DON’T?????

Stan : … No?

Eddie’s Blower : ASDFGHJKL; YOU’RE AN UNCULTURED SWINE

Gordon Ramsay : I CAN’T BELIEVE IT

Eddie’s Blower : aight so now THAT’S cleared up

Eddie’s Blower : I found a receipt for a strapon in rhianna’s room yesterday ASDFGHJKL

Stan : How about you stop butting into your sister’s sexlife?

Eddie’s Blower : kinky I like it

Stan : I hate you.

Eddie’s Blower : ANYWAYS BEVS COMING BAKL NEDD 2 GO

_Eddie’s Blower went offline._

_February 13, 2:01 AM_

**losers on crack**

Chee : good morning my good fellows

Eds : richie what the fuck

Sadist : How are you still shocked at him doing this? He’s been like this since we were 8. Y’know. Before we got phones he climbed in our windows.

Eds : honestly, idefk anymore.

Chee : just wanted everyone to know i can die happy now

Momo : wym?

Chee : my mom just made a ‘your mom’ joke to me I can live in peace now

Chee : we’re baking cakes and it’s dark so we don’t wake my dad and my 5 yr old sis so she put the batter in the oven and and I said ‘put it in deeper’ and she said ‘that’s what your mom said’ and I’m currently crying rn

Momo : ASDFGHJKL; WHAT THE F UC K

b-b-bilk : WHAT

ninetines : OHMY GOD

Sadist : That’s Maggie alright.

baby : uno reverse card like;

Eds : baking cakes

Eds : at 2 a m ??? ?

Chee : uhm,, yeah?

Eds : you say that as if baking cookies at 2am is a normal occurrence.

Chee : cakes*

Eds : whatever.

Chee : and baking cakes at 2am IS a normal occurrence for me. mags woke me up because she was craving micycle’s chocolate cake and I was the only one in the house who knew the recipe, so ye. and we’re spending quality mother-son time dw

Eds : what

Chee : oh she does that sometimes. just yesterday we made snickerdoodles and almost died doing chloe ting workouts

Eds : not sleeping for long periods of time is really unhealthy. you’d even start to hallucinate.

Chee : oh we did that once during christmas break lmao we both didn’t sleep for 2 and a half days straight and i saw this cool ass rainbow bird that stanny’d love while my mom saw Liam Payne making out with my dad

Eds : you can DIE from not sleeping, chee!

Chee : my mom knows that so liek just to make sure I don’t die on her or anything she makes me sleep properly at 9pm-7am for a week or two every month bc she’s amazing

Eds : you. are. impossible.

Momo : lmao are you guys done flirting yet

Eds : flirting????

Chee : anyways

_Chee sent a photo._

_[maggie-crying-laughing-on-the-kitchen-counter.jpg]_

Chee : she just uno reversed herself asdfghjkl;

Sadist : That cake does look delicious, though.

baby : of course it does!!!! it’s mike’s recipe

ninetines : ben you are adorable and I love you

baby : I love you too!!!!

ninetines : anymore room in that threeway marriage you got with bev and richie??

Momo : yes let this stunning man in our marriage

b-b-bilk : THATS IT

Momo : what

b-b-bilk : RIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO SLEEP I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU LOSERS AND I WAS LIKE,, THINKING UP OF ADJECTIVES THAT SUIT YOU LOSERS LIKE,, BEN – ANGELIC AND BEV – BADASS AND I WAS TRYNA FIND A WORD THAT SUITED MIKE AND NOW I FOUND IT THANK YOU BEV

Chee : which one am i?? funny?

b-b-bilk : no

Chee : hot?

b-b-bilk : absolutely not

Chee : sexy?

b-b-bilk : no but that was stan’s

Momo : ASDFGHJKL;’

Sadist : Bill, NO.

b-b-bilk : I’m kidding but seriously

_b-b-bilk changed ninetines’ nickname to stunning man._

stunning man : asdfghjkl thank you I am honored

b-b-bilk : you should be asdfg jkjk

Eds : how about me???

Chee : its probably adorable, sexy, cute, fierce & tiny ;D

Eds : shut UP

b-b-bilk : no but it might be in richie’s books lmao

b-b-bilk : oh but ye I put fierce as eddie’s

Eds : ohmygod

ninetines : tbh he’s not wrong

Eds : really mike?????

Sadist : Yeah, that IS true.

Eds : wow.

b-b-bilk : I’d put it all here if you wanted:

b-b-bilk : ben – angelic & kind / bev – brave & badass / stan – intelligent & observant / mike – stunning and strong / eddie – fierce & soft / richie – funny & rebellious / bill – Idk what to put in mine lmao

Eds : how I am fierce and soft at the same time

Chee : honestly he’s right

Chee : and yay I AM funny ;D

Sadist : put yourself as / bill – courageous and strong /

Momo : he’s not wrong ^^

b-b-bilk : haha ok ok I get it thanks

b-b-bilk : but anyways its 2am

Chee : ye I get that

Chee : for some reason outwest by jackboys & travis scott is stuck in my head asdfghjk

Eds : richie you have NO music taste whatsoever

Chee : gASP

Chee : HOW DARE YOU

Momo : tsk eddie really? liek,, richie has the best music taste from all of us

Momo : ,,,(aside from me and bill)

b-b-bilk : ye, he has varied music taste tbh like. one minute he listens to khai dreams and the next is House of Wolves by MCR.

b-b-bilk : ANYWAYS point is he has great taste in music, thank you very much

stunning man : lmao y’all really be attacking eddie over this?

Momo : yes

Chee : awwe ilyt guys ;D

Eds : whatever.

Chee : I literally just heard that omf

Chee : ‘hmph whatever’ and then he crosses his arms and stuff and pouts and rolls his eyes and looks away and it’s adorable

Momo : tsundere

Chee : no we’re done with that phase linda

Momo : oh SDJDJDJDJDJD

Sadist : LINDA

Eds : asdfghjkl how did you KNOW

Chee : wait YOU ACTUALLY DID THAT IRL RN? ASFGHJKL THAT’S ADOR A BL E

Eds : fuck OFF

Chee : how about I fuck you instead?

Momo : r u guys ever going to shut up

Chee : no

Eds : I’ll shut up once HE shuts up

Sadist : You two are the only gay people I don’t respect.

Chee : bisexual* ;3

Sadist : Ew.

Momo : anyways,

Chee : no I didn’t forget ily happy birthday !!

Momo : that’s not what I was gonna say but ok. THANK YOU ASDGHJK ILYT

b-b-bilk : ah e m. no one forgot its just,, its 2am BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEV

Sadist : Happy 18th Beverly.

baby : happy birthday bev!!!! ily!!!!

Momo : AWWWEE ILYT

Eds : happy 18th bday bev!

stunning man : happy 18TH birthday beverly! even though its 2am

Momo : thanks u guys!!!!

Momo : btw y’all know if anyone had a birthday here I’d wait until it’d turn 00:00 and text y’all awake or either drive to their house and jump in their window

Eds : yikes. you’re right. well fuck me

Chee : sure omw

Eds : RICHIE NO ASDFGHIL./.

stunning man : oh no he got nuked

b-b-bilk : lmao guys eddie got nuked

Momo : oh god did they fuck?

Sadist : I guess.

baby : wait what??

Eds : NO WE’RE NOT FUCKING

Eds : richie _is_ at my window tho

Momo : you two better fuck

Eds : no

stunning man : what about that thing on your bucket list ;)

Eds : MICHAEL NO

Sadist : What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> projecting myself onto richie tozier and beverly marsh; chapter 16
> 
> late upload ik ik im sorry its just quarantine is making my brain leak fresh out of all my story ideas (and it’s also making me lazier and lazier. hhhhhhhhh.)
> 
> if you still watch spongebob squarepants at this age hit me up and if you don’t you’re an uncultured swine just like stanley.  
next chapter might be an fb post / actual story idk.  
anyways comment to me about the story or how your day was or about your dog i'm lonely.


	17. Beverly's Kind-of-Family-Friendly Birthday Party!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly's 'family-friendly' birthday party. Reddie and Benverly ensues. Richie teaches a child to say 'bullshit'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey have actual story and not just chatfic because I do be like that sometimes ehehehe
> 
> this is basically spice+fluff+chaos so buckle up baby B)
> 
> sorry if this is bevvie-centred but it IS her birthday
> 
> HAHAHAH I’m so fucking late this event was supposed to be finished on February 13 for bev’s bday but now it’s july so.
> 
> but ANYWAYS

_5:09 PM_

** _Bev’s mcfucking bday in 2 days_ **

** **

_Eddie’s Blower changed the group name to ‘Bev’s mcfucking bday today holy fuck’._

Eddie’s Blower : GUYS SHE’S AT ROSY’S FABRICS C’MON HER AUNT LET US IN

Eminem : ‘Us’?

Eddie’s Blower : me & eddie I dragged him here after school

Bill : how did you manage to drag eddie to bev’s house and explain it all to her aunt in 9 fucking m i n u t e s.

Bill : WE JUST GOT OUT OF SCHOOL 9 MINUTES AGO

Eddie’s Blower : I have my ways.

Balls Blower : he borrowed his mom’s car earlier in the day and speeded all the way there. and we didn’t need to explain to aunt daisy she just let us in.

Eddie’s Blower : ye she thinks we’re dating lol

Gordon Ramsay : aren’t you already?

Balls Blower : NO

Eddie’s Blower : I wish

Eddie’s Blower : ANYWAYS COME ON YOU DICKHEADS SHE COMES BACK AT 7

Stan : She stays two hours.

Eddie’s Blower : ye.

Stan : At a _fabric store_.

Eddie’s Blower : well it’s bev what do you expect

Stan : Nothing less.

Eddie’s Blower : exactly. now pull that stick outta your ass and drag it over here

Eddie’s Blower : unless you want something else in there. ahem. **@Bill Denbrough**

Stan : Shut up.

-

It’s almost 7 o’clock in the evening, and Beverly has two baskets in one hand, her phone in the other. She’s scrolling through TikTok while walking on the sidewalk when she hears someone whistle in front of her. She looks up and sees Richie leaning against a post and her face immediately lights up.

“Richie! Hey! You scared me. For a moment I thought that was Bowers leaning against that post. You two _are_ both tall assholes.” She jokes and walks over to him. “Well, yeah, I might be a tall asshole, but I wouldn’t try to murder someone like that sadist would,” he grins and leans over to press a kiss to her forehead.

“I wanted to hang out tonight, since, it _is _your birthday. We can _paint our nails and do each other’s hair like we always do!_” He said in an impression of a valley girl and Beverly laughed, pushing him playfully.

“You know our hair is too short to braid, dumbass. But I _do _need to change your nails. Christmas was over, like, two months ago. Time to get rid of the pine tree design.” She snickered, wrapping her arm around his and going back to scrolling in TikTok.

They walked together in a comfortable silence, before Beverly sighed and took her eyes off her phone. She looked in the distance before saying, “I just feel kind of down. I mean, it’s _my _special day today and the rest of the Losers are just acting like…like todays like any other day. I mean—I’m gonna rant, sorry.”

Richie tensed up and averted his gaze from her, looking down at the sidewalk sheepishly. For once, he didn’t know what to say. He opened his mouth when he found an excuse but shut it again, knowing how bad he was at keeping secrets and if he spoke, he’d probably let it slip somehow. So he pursed his lips and just kept walking.

-

Eddie’s Blower : GUYS WE’RE ALMOST HERE SDJDJDJDJD

Bill : OH FUCK

Balls Blower : how many more minutes?

Eddie’s Blower : uhm. we’re in the driveway.

Gordon Ramsay : OH GOD ASDFGHJKL

Stan : RICHIE HOW DO I HANDLE AN EXCITED CHILD

Eddie’s Blower : WHAT

Stan : MEI

Eddie’s Blower : isn’t she 23?

Stan : NO YOU IDIOT THE 5 YEAR OLD

Eddie’s Blower : OH YEAH **_AYA’S_** THE 23 YEAR OLD WHOOPS

Eddie’s Blower : UHHHH GIVE HER TO BEN HE’S GOOD AT HANDLING CHILDREN

Eminem : WHAT NO

-

When they made it to Bev’s house, she glanced at the windows and saw all the lights off.

“Huh. That’s weird. Is no one home?” Beverly turned to Richie.

Richie just shrugged and started up the porch. Beverly just sighed and followed him to unlock the door. She stepped in and was heading over to the light switch, but stopped dead in her tracks when she heard a high-pitched giggle followed by a male voice whispering ‘shhh’.

Her eyes widened and she grabbed a pair of scissors from one of her baskets, pointed it to the darkness and she shouted, “WHO’S THERE?”

The lights suddenly turned on and then everyone jumped out from various hiding places, yelling, _‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’_

Beverly gasped and dropped her pair of scissors. Richie snorted and pulled out his phone, starting to record the whole ordeal.

Mei, her 5-year-old cousin ran up to her and pulled her into a tight hug, giggling. Beverly just gaped and looked around, from her aunt, to her other three cousins, and to the Losers. “Holy sh—“

Stan and her aunt glared at her.

“—sugar. Holy sugar. Wow. Oh jeez.” She wiped at her eyes and turned away and that was the cue for the Losers to rush up to her and pull her into a group hug. She laughed a teary laugh and hugged them back tight, squeezing them all.

“C-c’mon, Bevvie, don’t get all t-teary-eyed and angsty on us,” Bill joked and it made her laugh.

She pulled away and took a deep breath before saying, “I just thought no one cared. I kinda felt bad when you guys treated today like it were like any other day and I voiced as much to Richie.”

Richie sucked in a breath. “I didn’t want to talk when you said that because you all know how bullshit I am at secrets.” Everyone laughed.

“What’s _bullshit, _Richie_?_” Mei asked, and only did they remember Beverly’s aunt and cousins were in the room. Eddie inhaled sharply and smacked Richie upside the head. “Richie, you dumba—dummy.”

Richie laughed and grabbed Eddie by the wrist before he slapped him another time and looked down at Mei. “It’s the same as ‘bull’s eye’. Y’know that saying?”

Mei replied, “Oh, yeah! I know that! I’ve heard SpongeBob say it. And Jake from Adventure Time, and Pizza Steve, and…” while she raved on, Eddie, who was pretending to be offended by Richie grabbing his right wrist, tried to smack him on the head with his other arm, but instead got it pinned above his head with his other hand while Richie talked to the 5-year-old. Eddie turned red while the other Losers gaped.

“Yeah. But the adults don’t like hearing that word, so you probably shouldn’t use it in front of ‘em.” He grinned at her, not seeming to notice Eddie struggling trying to break his wrists free from his grasp, and she giggled before running off to the living room, yelling, “I want to eat the cake now!” Carlos and Cass, 8-year-old twins, ran after her at the mention of cake.

As soon as the kids went, Eddie spoke up, “Let go of me, asshole!”

Bill and Bev snorted, Stan shook his head, and Ben and Mike stifled their laughter. When Richie finally turned to look in front of him, only then did he notice that he pinned Eddie to the wall by both his wrists. Eddie was looking up at him, face all flushed, eyebrows furrowed and he had a cute pout on his lips that Richie’d totally think about while trying to sleep. _What the fuck. Why is that so fucking hot. _He grinned and let go, murmuring an apology before re-adjusting his glasses back up his nose.

Eddie huffed, rolled his eyes and shoved him away lightly before walking away to where Mei, Carlos and Cass went. Richie just stared after him, grinning goofily before Stan and Bill shoved past him, Bill snorting, “C-c’mon, Rich, its Bev’s birthday, not you and Eddie’s w-wedding anniversary.”

Beverly linked her arm with Richie’s, and she grinned up at him. “Come on, you smitten Loser. I heard there was cake, let’s go.”

When they got in the living room, Bev was gaping all over again. There, right in front of her, was a table full of her favorite foods. Not just _some, _but ALL. Chocolate cake, pink lemonade, chicken fingers, _all._

“Oh my God,” Beverly murmured. “Wait a second.” She turned to the Losers. “Tell me there’s neopolitan ice cream.”

“There’s neopolitan ice cream. And Mike and Eddie made it, too.” Ben smiled.

She looked over to where Mike and Eddie were standing, her eyes sparkling. “Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry?”

Mike grinned. “Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.” He assured her.

Beverly’s once star-struck face had broken into a wide grin. “Holy _shit._” Her aunt might have reprimanded her but she didn’t hear anything. “Ho-lee-SHIT.” She looked around for a moment, admiring the way the room was decorated: fairy lights on the ceiling with polaroid pictures of her and the Losers clipped on them; red glitter sprinkled on the floor and on furniture and a huge banner that said ‘_happy 18th birthday bev!_’ in beautiful calligraphy clipped on the fairy lights above the table.

“Uh, Richie and Bill teamed up to write that. Just so you know,” Ben said, breaking her moment of astonished silence and bringing her back to reality. Beverly turned to him and smiled at him.

Her elder cousin, Aya, grinned at her and said, “are you sure you wanna eat first? Or open your presents?”

Beverly turned to face them. “Holy shit. Are you serious?”

Eddie snorted. “Stop saying ‘holy shit’, it’s getting old.”

Beverly shook her head, as if to keep herself grounded, before looking at them. “_Where_?”

Ben locked eyes with her and smiled softly before nodding his head to his right. Beverly immediately turned her head to the direction Ben pointed to before gasping when she saw the heap of presents in the corner, all wrapped in red.

“Oh, I’m _definitely _opening those first,” she grinned broadly before rushing over to the heap of gifts and kneeling down like a kid on Christmas morning.

-

“Oh, _God! _Richie, _thank you! _I’ve been meaning to buy myself one of these, because the guitar strings always leave little red marks on my fingers,” Bev said, holding up her right hand to show red marks on her fingers, with the guitar pick in her other hand.

Richie grinned. “I know.”

“And—_fuck yeah. _Black fucking ankle boots! You don’t find these in Derry easily, holy shit Rich, where the fuck did you get these?” Beverly kicked off her sneakers right then and there and tried her new boots on. She stood up and tried walking on them and grinned when she saw that they fit perfectly. She sat back down and grabbed the gift nearest to her.

“Aww! Mike, this is adorable! Thanks!” She said when she opened Mike’s gifts, which were a holocaust miniskirt and a pink top. Mike grinned at her and nodded. Beverly, who was too excited to wear them, started stripping her red t-shirt off.

“_Beverly!_” Her aunt gaped at her in horror, and the Losers and her cousin Regina just chuckled.

“It’s okay, Daze, these guys are used to it,” she said as she put on the top Mike gave her. Ben looked away respectfully, a pink tinge to his cheeks, while the other Losers just acted like it was normal while Daisy looked on to her mortification.

Beverly, feeling a little sorry for shocking her aunt, decided to put on the skirt _over_ her denim shorts instead of taking them off. She stood up again and did a little twirl, grinning. Richie and Bill clapped and hollered while Eddie, Mike and Stan catcalled. Ben just smiled shyly at her and did a little clap. Her cousins clapped along as well while her aunt just shook her head and grinned. “Just like your mother,” she muttered. Bev grinned back and started clawing open another gift.

“Oh, wow. This is adorable,” Bev said, holding up the denim jacket Bill got her and running her thumb over the stickers on it. “Bill! This is from the store next to Freezed-In, isn’t it?”

Bill held up his hands. “Guilty as charged,” he grinned.

“I’ve literally been saving up for this. Holy shit. Thank you,” she grinned as she put it on and then grabbed the next gift.

“Eddie! Is this that choker—oh gosh.” She gasped as she pulled out a black choker with a lacy pattern from a red plastic bag. As she put it on, she glanced at Eddie, smirked, winked at him and said, “bet I know where this comes from.”

Stan raised an eyebrow. “Are we missing something?”

When Beverly pulled out a purse with an ice cream print on it, she replied, “it comes from the same store that Eddie got _his_ choker from.”

Richie, who was drinking a glass of pink lemonade right as she said that, _choked _and started coughing. Bill, who was the closest to him, clapped his back as he coughed. When Richie stopped choking, he wiped his mouth with his arm and said “What.”

Eddie flushed red and sent a Look (with a capital L!) to Bev and she shrugged and grinned. Eddie looked back to the Losers and cleared his throat before coughing out a, “what choker? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Mike snorted and said sarcastically “okay.”

Beverly, wanting to direct the conversation away from Eddie, yelled, “_Wow. _This is so cute. Thanks, Eds.” He huffed and shrugged at her. She grabbed another gift and ripped it open. Inside was the fifth book in the MPHFPC series. Beverly grinned and then turned to Stan. She saw him smiling at her and then her grin grew wider. “I knew this was from you. _Thank you. _I didn’t think I was going to be able to buy this when it came out—but! Here it is. You’re the best.”

Beverly grabbed the last and smallest gift and tore it open, revealing a small red box. She opened it to reveal a golden heart-shaped pendant necklace and she gasped.

“Who’s this f—oh. Ben. Wow, I—“

“Open it,” he smiled at her shyly.

She furrowed her eyebrows, and when she opened the heart pendant, she saw a picture of her and the Losers all together. She remembered that the photo was taken two years ago by Maggie when Richie turned 16 at his house; Eddie was on Richie’s back, drunk (Maggie let them drink), Beverly was grinning goofily had her hand around Richie’s neck, the other hand around a bottle of whiskey, Bill was holding up his right hand in a peace sign while the other was around Stan’s waist, and Mike was grinning broadly behind Ben, pinching the shorter boy’s cheeks. Beverly smiled at the memory and looked up at Ben. Ben was smiling nervously, and it was clear that he was anxious about whether or not she liked it or not. Beverly jolted up and went to Ben before wrapping him in a tight hug. Ben, after a moment of hesitance, returned the hug.

“So, do you—do you like it?” He asked.

“I love it,” she said, pulling away from the hug, her eyes sparkling.

Their moment was broken when Richie snorted and said, “yeah, yeah, we get it, Ben has the best gift, can you not shove it in our face?” Bill and Mike chuckled.

“What! No, I love all of them! I swear!” She laughed and then turned to her cousins, pulling on a face of mock disappointment. “So I see you didn’t get me any gifts.”

Her aunt laughed and said, “We were given short notice. We’ll get you some tomorrow. But, hey! It’s food time.”

Everyone got up from the floor and ran to the table.

-

**you’re such a fucking Dick >> Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3**

you’re such a fucking Dick : sdjdjdjdjdj have you SEEN ben and bev

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : yeah they’re so fuckinf flirty rn

you’re such a fucking Dick : ikik,,

you’re such a fucking Dick : but it’s fucking clear they won’t be getting their shit together tonight

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : sigh

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : you’re right

you’re such a fucking Dick : did I hear that right? ;)

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : I mean for ONCE

you’re such a fucking Dick : ok ok but like I got an idea

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : what?

you’re such a fucking Dick : since beverly LOVVVEEES me,, to finish off this LOVELY night let’s all ‘sleepover’ at my house!! :D

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : why did you put ‘’ in the sleepover

you’re such a fucking Dick : because it’s a ‘sleepover’ between the Losers where all we do is have ‘fun’ ‘without’ alcohol and weed and we’re going to ‘sleep early’ ;)

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : OH

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : I get it

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : fuck yeah.

you’re such a fucking Dick : great great I’ll tell them all in the gc

you’re such a fucking Dick : btw

_you’re such a fucking Dick set his name to I have a big dick._

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : ,,ew

I have a big dick : what? it’s true

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : I doubt it

I have a big dick : how would you know????? you’ve never seen it

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : shut UP

I have a big dick : or do you WANT to see it??? ;)

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : ugh. ew. please fuck me.

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : OFF******

I have a big dick : gladly

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : OFF***

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : please fuck OFF***

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : RICHIE NO ASDFGHJKL

I have a big dick : are you sure that was an autocorrect? ;)

Eds Spagheds Love of My Life Spaghetti <3 <3 : yes I am. fuck off. dickwad.

-

Richie guffawed loudly at his phone and everyone at the table turned to him. Richie, not noticing anyone else, turned to Eddie beside him and grinned at him. Eddie rolled his eyes while Stan eyed them suspiciously.

-

**losers on crack**

Chee : hey guys so like

Chee : me and eds here planned somethin for a wonderful end to Bevvie’s party

Eds : DON’T CALL ME THAT

Chee : anyways

Momo : continue

Chee : we’re going to have a ‘sleepover’ at my place

b-b-bilk : ‘sleepover’?

Chee : .

b-b-bilk : 👩🎂🎁 = 😴 🍩🍪🎂 💤 ❓

Chee : ❌

Chee : 👩🎂🎁 = 🍾🍹🥂🍺🍻🥦💨💨🥳🥳😈😈

b-b-bilk : OHHH

b-b-bilk : ok I get it

Sadist : I don’t. I don’t get how you two communicate like that.

Chee : lmao you should see our dms

Sadist : I’d rather not.

baby : it’s actually pretty simple to decipher if you actually look at the emojis and their groups and see what they imply

stunning man : LMAO GET REKT

Sadist : No.

Sadist : But that actually helped. Thanks, Ben.

Chee : whaddya say, marsh?

Momo : I say FUCK YEAH

Momo : I’ll sneak some of them alcohooolll

Momo : YOU ALL BETTER COME SDJDJJDJDJD

Momo : IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND I AM THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD TODAY SO YOU MUST OBEY ME

baby : you’re the queen of the world EVERYDAY

Momo : any boy in Derry, Maine with the name of Ben Hanscom must marry the queen. queen’s rules.

baby : <3

Chee : y rnt you guys together again

Chee : anyways

Chee : I got booze so no need to ask aya to snag some from daisy’s whiskey cabinet

stunning man : doesn’t daisy yell at her for that?

Chee : technically 21 is the legal age for drinking and she’s 23 so.

stunning man : oh k.

Chee : AND BILL MUST BRING WEED.

b-b-bilk : yessir!

Eds : uhm none for me thanks. it can damage your lungs y’know

Chee : nah it’s pretty much just caffeine that’s smokable

Sadist : ‘Smokable’.

Momo : smokable

Chee : shut up

Momo : so when do we go? ik she’s gonna let me anyways

Chee : after the games

Momo : YOU GUYS PLANNED GAMES????

-

“Ahem,” Daisy coughed, and all of the Losers turned to her. “No phones at the table. Are you guys seriously texting each other? We’re seriously all at the same table. I never understand kids nowadays.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys sdjdjdjdj feel free to criticise the way i write ik ik it's trash but
> 
> sorry for the late update i felt groggy the last few days i guess it was because school's coming up???


	18. uhm richie ate a leaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie's parents, sisters and dog wish Bev a happy birthday. There is vodka in the kitchen. Richie ate a leaf. And that's what you missed on Glee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdfghjkl GUYS I FUCKING CANT. NAYA RIVERA. IS.  
hi im fucking dying have this chapter

ch 18

_9:07 PM_

**losers on crack**

Momo : she said yes everyone

b-b-bilk : WOOOOOO

Chee : YES SDFGHJK

Sadist : Thank God.

Sadist : Beep-beep, Richie.

Chee : I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING

baby : woohoo!!!!

stunning man : heLL YEAHHH ASDFGHJKL

Eds : yesssss

Momo : nyways

Momo : richie y’all got ze booze?

Chee : mhm

Momo : Bill?

b-b-bilk : you bet

Momo : aight I’m comin out

Momo : OH and before we go is mags and went gonna be there?

Chee : uh yeah they’ll be there for a while to wish you a happy birthday and then they’ll go party or smh

Momo : how about rhianna??? zoey???

Chee : they won’t be there they’re goin to rhi’s girlfriend

Momo : WHAT ABOUT LOUIE???

baby : who??

Momo : his dog he just calls her lulu

Chee : she went with rhi

Momo : OKAY SO WE’RE SAFE

Momo : I’M COMING OUT ASDFGHJK

-

_9:48 PM_

Momo : hey demons its me ya boy

Momo : I’m here

Momo : and if you all started without me I’m going to fucking lose it

stunning man : rich and billy had a few hits but that’s it

Momo : aight sweet lezhit this shit

b-b-bilk : STOP ‘LEZHITTING ME

Momo : never bitch ayeee

b-b-bilk : ugh. this vitch.

Momo : :)

Momo : ok I need a drink

Momo : yayyyy jack daniels!!!

Momo : and,,

Momo : stu pedasso?

stunning man : u is a

stunning man : stupid ass ho

Momo : gasp

Momo : how dare you ho shame me

Momo : anyways. drinkin time.

Chee : nop not yet the KIDS ARE still HERE

Momo : ohhhh and btw rhirhi will lose her shit when she finds out you called her a kid she’s fuckin 16

Chee : lmao

-

“Bevvie!” Shouted a familiar woman’s voice. Bev looked up from her phone and grinned broadly. In front of her was, alike her, a tall redhead who was Maggie Tozier. She ran to Beverly and pulled her in a tight hug. “Happy 18th fuckin’ birthday! You’re an adult now! I think.” Maggie said, pulling away. Beverly laughed. “Yeah, I’m _technically_ an adult.”

“Still childish as fuck, though,” Rhianna snorted from behind her. Bev glanced at her and smirked. “Happy birthday, deadshot. You’re fuckin’ legal!” She laughed.

Went hugged her briefly, smiled and said, “Happy birthday, Beverly. Geez, if you think about it, only a few months until you and the others move out to college. I’ll—“

Bev pulled away and laughed. “Not the time for this talk, old man. Right now, it’s happy hour.”

Then Zoey went next, hugging her. “Bevvie! Happy birthday!” Bev smiled down at the child and said, “Thanks, Zoe.”

Lulu then went over to her and licked at her shoes. Bev pulled her foot away and laughed, “Lulu! You crackhead, my shoes are dirty,” and proceeded to pet the dog. Bev stepped away from them and opened the door, making the volume of the music blasting inside increase, and looked back at the family. “You guys have fun on your date,” Bev nodded at Maggie and Went, “and Rhianna, try not to make out with Edith in front of Zoey and the dog.” Rhianna flipped her off.

-

_10:30 PM_

Momo : sdjku

Momo : richie ate a leaf

baby : what

Eds : WHAT

b-b-bilk : what kind of leaf

Momo : uhhh idk he found it on the ground

Eds : THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKING DIRTY ASDFJK DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF GERMS COULD BE ON THAT

Chee : I don’t careeee

Chee : when im with my baby yeahhhh

Sadist : How are you this drunk already?

stunning man : what was the shape of the leaf

Sadist : Are _you_ drunk?

stunning man : no

Sadist : Goddamnit. You’re drunk.

Chee : it was like a heart

stunning man : do u think it’ll taste good with the chocolate frosting on bev’s cake

Chee : probably but iwouldnt kno cuz I already ate it

Eds : RICHIE

Momo : I ate half of it wit him!!!!

Eds : BEVERLY NO

b-b-bilk : lmao eddie ran outside and dragged them in

Sadist : I saw, but thank you.

Chee : I don’t want WATER

Chee : I need VODKA

Eds : YOU HAVE TO DRINK IT YOU ATE A FUCKING L E AF

Chee : N O

Momo : what about me ;(

Eds : you need water too

Momo : ok

Momo : y’all remember that one time where i thought I was a lesbian after me and bill broke up but then I remembered the boy Ben Hanscom

Chee : yes

Sadist : Yes.

stunning man : yes

baby : !!!

Eds : what

b-b-bilk : sksksk yes I WAS like that too

b-b-bilk : but then

b-b-bilk : STANLEY URIA WAS THEREEEE

Chee : uria

Sadist : URIA.

b-b-bilk : noooooooo babyyyyyyy I didn’t mean that

stunning man : ASDFGHJKL URIA

_stunning man set Sadist’s name to uria._

Uria : .

Uria : No context.

Momo : GUYS STOPPPP

Momo : let me take a moment to say I lurrrrrrrrrv ben hanscom he is baby and adorable and sweet and he turned me bisexual

Momo : richiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee let me use your bedroom

Chee : y

Momo : everyoneeee vacate casa el richie because me and ben are gonna occupate it ;^

Eds : noone’s in there

Momo : GOOD beN FOLLOW ME

baby : okay!!!

Chee : NO MAKING OUT

Chee : BUT IF YOU DO USE PROTECTION

baby : !! richie !!

Chee : AIGHT I ACTUALLY WISH THEY MAKE OUT

Chee : MIKEEEEEE

stunning man : yes king

Chee : YOU’RE CLOSEST TO THE SPEAKEEEEERSSSS PLAY A SONG

stunning man : what sonnggg?

Chee : GO FUCK YOURSELF

stunning man : rude

Chee : NOOOOOO THE SONG’S GO FUCK YOURSELF BY TWO FEET ;(

stunning man : OHHHHH k

Eds : ASDFGHJKL

Eds : WHAT THE FUCK I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS SONG FOR AGES

Eds : AND’S ITS CALLED ‘GO FUCK YOURSELF’

_Momo put the chat on mute._

_baby put the chat on mute._

Uria : Rude.

b-b-bilk : wonder what they doin’ ;)

Chee : u b-b-bitch that’s MY line

b-b-bilk : sorry dick

Chee : I do have a big dick yes

Eds : no you don’t

Uria : ASDJKL _HAVE_ YOU SEEN HIS DICK?

Eds : NO I HAVENT I JUST

Eds : MEANT

Eds : THAT

Eds : .

Chee : no he’s never seen it that’s why he’s incorrect

Eds : incorrect my ass

Chee : I can prove it to you ;)

Eds : ,,ew no

Chee : oop I cant because bev and ben’s usin my bedroom ;(

Eds : ew like I would ever venture into the jungle that is your BEDROOM

Eds : WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU EVEN CLEANED IT

Chee : ASDFHJKL TODAY

Eds : LIES

stunning man : ugh get ready for the richieandeddie show

Uria : RichieAndEddie?

stunning man : they’re always richieandeddie, never richie and eddie it aint right

b-b-bilk : you’re right

stunning man : i know

Chee : OKAY WELL

Chee : IF YOU THINK I DONT HAVE A BIG DICK THEN DRINK

Eds : I’LL FUCKIN DRINK THEN

stunning man : omf eddie just chugged an entire jack daniels bottle

Uria : Oh, shit.

Chee : UHHHHH DRINK IF YOU THINK I HAVE A TERRIBLE SENSE OF HUMOR

b-b-bilk : eddie drank.

stunning man : so did stan lmao

Chee : rude BUT ANYWAYS DRINK IF YOU THINK MY SENSE OF FASHION IS FUCKIN UGLY

Uria : And so the shortie drank.

Eds : I,M BOTV A SHORTIIER

Eds : IM NKOT

Eds : IM NJUGT

Eds : IM NOT A SGORTIE

Eds : SHORTIE

Uria : Oh, fuck.

b-b-bilk : what is it birdie

Uria : Look at Richie.

stunning man : he’s grinning. wassup?

Uria : Don’t you get it?

b-b-bilk : no?????

Uria : Richie made Eddie drink on purpose to get him drunk.

b-b-bilk : OHHHH

stunning man : ohhhhh

Eds : OH FVKC

Eds : GUCK

Eds : FUCKK

Eds : RICHIE TYOU LITTLE ShIT

Chee : you’re the only little one here tho ;)

b-b-bilk : he got hit

Uria : He deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so early chapter because i was fucking panicking and needed something to do because i'm not actually bi i'm a fucking lesbian and that's not the problem the problem is that I HAVE A FUCKING BOYFRIEND THAT I NEVER LOVED I ONLY ACCEPTED HIS OFFER TO DATE TO SEE IF I WAS TRULY GAY OR BI AND 5 MONTHS LATER I'M FUCKING GAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO BREAK IT TO HIM AND I'M FUCKING DYING AND MY BESTFRIEND'S DYING LAUGHING OVER WHERE SHE IS AND I'M GAY AND STUPID LIKE HELLA GAY AND HELLA STUPID AND A PLAYER I DIDNT MEAN TO BE BUT A P LA Y ER AND NOW I'M A BIGASS STUD   
anyways  
thanks for reading :)


	19. Beverly's NON-Family Friendly Birthday Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benverly ensues. Four out of seven Losers are drunk. Stanley is tired.

ch 19

_10:59 PM_

Momo : HI GUYS

_Momo unmuted the chat._

_Momo set her nickname to im SO FUCKIN HAPPY._

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : I AM THE HAPPIEST GIRL ON EARTH

Chee : WASSUP QUEEN

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : I, BEVERLY MARSH, AT 18 YEARS OLD HAVE MANAGED TO ACQUIRE THE BEN HANSCOM WITH MY WITS AND CHARM AFTER 3 YEARS

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : THIS IS AMAZING

stunning man : OH MY ASDFGHJK THIS I S AMAZING

b-b-bilk : CONGRATS SDFGHJKL YESSSS BENVERLY HAS ENSUED

Chee : FUCK YES CON FUCKING GRATS HE’S A CUTIE AINT HE

Uria : Congrats!

Chee : did you just use ‘!’ instead of ‘.’

Uria : Yes, yes I did. Fuck off.

Eds : vongratss

Eds : *c

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : he told me he didn’t know he just thought I was flirtin’ with him like richie does with everyone and i

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : said ‘benny boy richie doesn’t flirt with everyone he annoys them he only really flirts with eddie’

Eds : shuyt up

Eds : *shut

baby : I didn’t know!!!

baby : also what happened to eddie?? did he break a leg??? he’s stumbling around

Uria : Richie made him drunk.

Eds : im cuurently trying to stay sobe r but its fuckin hard

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : oh jeez

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : eddie, honey, loosen the fuck up a bit

im SO FUCKING HAPPY : richie, make him The Redhead

Chee : suree siree

baby : what’s the redhead?

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : it’s The Redhead with capital T’s and R’s, thanks, and it’s a drink me, richie and his sister Rhi idk why she was with us again but it’s fuckin toxic and only for the bravest and that’s why its called The Redhead

Eds : I DIDNT ASK FOR IT

im SO FUCKING HAPPY : YOU NEED IT

Eds : FINE

b-b-bilk : can I have a shot?

Chee : ye sure

Uria : BILL. NO.

b-b-bilk : blehhhhh

b-b-bilk : that was supposed to sound like a raspberry

Chee : here ya go

Eds : how do you

Eds : uh

Chee : you just drink it lmao

Chee : look at bill tho he do be chugging that Redhead

Eds : what’s it taste like?

b-b-bilk : it tastes fucking awful and fucking amazing at the same time

Eds : w h a t

b-b-bilk : like at first it tastes horrible but then the aftertaste sticks and then tastes amazing like grapes and strawberry lemonade or smh

Eds : it does sound good tho

Eds : here I go

stunning man : yeah he’s dead

Eds : what the FHCK is this BLACK MAGIC

Eds : it tasted like what a cigarette probably would if you ate the insides of it but then tasted like strawberry lemonade or smh

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : see?

Eds : uh

Eds : canihaveanotherdrink

Chee : tf? did someone jam your spacebar or smh?? speak tfu

Eds : CAN. I HAVE ANOTHER. DRINK.

Chee : well golly sirree all ya had ta do was ask!

Eds : are you seriously trying to do a Voice in the CHAT

Chee : yeah it sounds better in person😔😔

Eds : no they sound worse

Chee : rude now drinkee siree

Uria : This. . . isn’t going to end well.

stunning man : meh.

11:29 PM

Uria : THIS ISN’T GOING WELL.

im SO FUCKING HAPPY : IM SO FUCKING HAPPPYYYY

im SO FUCKING HAPPY : **@Ben Hanscom **IS AMAZING I LOVE HIM

Chee : I KNOW

b-b-bilk : why am I not as intoxicated as them this is disappointing

Uria : Because _you’re _driving.

b-b-bilk : right right sigh

stunning man : ASDFGHJKL I LOVE. BENVERLY

im SO FUCKING HAPPY : SO DO I

baby : <3

Uria : At least Ben isn’t drunk either.

Chee : GUYS I’M GONNA CRY

stunning man : WHY ARE YOU GONNA CRY BEAUTIFUL TALL MAN

Chee : THANKS YOU TOO BUT

Chee : EDDIE SINGING SOUNDS LIKE AUDREY MIKA

im SO FUCKING HAPPY : AUDR E Y MI KA

Chee : RIGHT

Eds : SHUT THE FUCK UP

Chee : NO

Uria : WHY ARE YOU ALL STUCK ON CAPSLOCK

Chee : YOU’RE STUCK ON CAPSLOCK TOO

Chee : I’M GONNA CRY HE CAN FUCKING SING Y U GOTTA BE LIKE THAT LIKE FUCKING AUDREY MIKA

Chee : IF HE SOUNDS LIKE THIS RN DO YOU K N O W WHAT HIS MOANS GOTTA SOUND LIKE

b-b-bilk : ew richie

b-b-bilk : STAN CAN’T I DRINK I CAN TAKE IN THIS INFO EASIER WITH A LIL REDHEAD

Uria : NO, BILL.

b-b-bilk : FUCK OK

Eds : RICHIE EW WHAT THE FUCK

Chee : IT WAS A COMPLIMENT DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE EDS

baby : why are you all on caps?

Chee : BECAUSE WE’RE INTOXICATED YOU ANGEL BUT ANYWAYS

Chee : I’M WAITING

Eds : FUCKIN FINE ASSHOLE

Eds : YOU’RE PRETTY HOT ALL OF THE TIME

b-b-bilk : wow no ‘,,’ this time

b-b-bilk : cuz like last time was like;; you’re,, pretty,, hot,, too,,

Eds : SHUT UP

Chee : AWH GOLLY ! GEE, THANKS

Eds : NO STOP

Chee : NUN CAN DO EDSTER

Eds : I SAID STOP

Chee : 👁👄👁

Eds : UGH WHEN TF WILL YOU STOP

Chee : MAYBE ONCE MORE JUST TO INDULGE MY KINK

Eds : EW STOP THAT

Chee : THAT’S MORE LIKE IT

Eds : I’M L EAVI N G

Chee : wait nooooooo

im SO FUCKING HAPPY : oh MY GOD

stunning man : ooooooOOOoooOOoOOoOooOo

baby : uhm

b-b-bilk : dayum

Sadist : What’s going on? I went upstairs.

baby : uhm so like. richie pulled eddie by his wrist onto his lap and is still currently pinning his arms on the couch and eddie looks like he’s gonna explode so uh

Uria : Oh, God.

b-b-bilk : PFT

stunning man : WOOHOOO

Eds : SHUT UP SDFGHJKL

Uria : What happened now?

b-b-bilk : yeah so 6’2 manchild just pulled the tiny gremlin closer by the waist and shit all that hella cheesy shit and istg eddie looks redder than the Resident RedheadTM’s hair

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : fuck you but also that was funny

b-b-bilk : ik

b-b-bilk : HE’S STUTTERING MORE THAN I DO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ASDJK

stunning man : sNiFF

stunning man : do you smell that!

baby : what??

stunning man : that’s the smell of sexual tension in the air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI SO IM HELLA HIGH BUT LIKE DO YOU THINK I SHOULD WRITE SMUT FOR THIS FIC?
> 
> I mean it’ll be in a separate work but it’ll be in this same timeline and shit. do you?? do y’all?? tell me cmon
> 
> anyways
> 
> thanks for reading :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASDFGHJK IK IK SORRY I WAS GONE FOR A MONTH HUH I HAVE A REASON THOUGH I'M GONN KEEP THIS SHORT CUZ YE

ch 20

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : WHERE is EVERYONE

stunning man : im not drunk anymore I cannot partake in the drunk acts :(

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : JUST DRINK MORE

stunning man : I’d rather not I have to drive ashjk

stunning man : and to answer your question, bill and stan are upstairs in rhianna’s room doing god-knows-what, richie and eddie are whispering to each other on the couch probably plans to fuck each other or smh and me and ben are talking about books :)

stunning man : nvm rich&eds went upstairs

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : noone’s drinking with me :(

_Chee muted the chat._

_Eds muted the chat._

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : WHAT is going on

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : are they getting their shit together or smh cuz FINALLY

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : im going soberrrr noooo its my bday ;( I need to be drunk af

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : BILL

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : BRING ME WEED

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : bill?????

b-b-bilk : aight surething

stunning man : so like 5/7 losers sober?

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : that’s gonna become 4 because im going to go HIGH

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : ASDFGHJKL BILL WHAT HAPPENED DID YOU START SMOKIN WITHOUT ME OR SMH YOUR EYES ARE DARK AF

baby : uhm bev-

stunning man : yea tf happened

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : oh my GOD nevermind

stunning man : oh so stan and bill were makin out all along

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : do you SEE that HICKEY on STANLEY

stunning man : yes I do

Uria : Guys, shut up.

b-b-bilk : ‘twas just some ‘heavy petting’

Uria : BILL.

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : ohmygod did bill just smirk

baby : yes he did

stunning man : I love bill’s smirks tbh

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : ikr?

stunning man : whenever he smirks it makes me feel like I’m in those “daddy edits”

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : michael stunning man hanlon are you a bottom

stunning man : no but I am bisexual and I enjoy those edits

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : so do I tbh

baby : is it okay to say I watch those too?

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : OFC doesn’t matter if you’re straight

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : everyone enjoys those edits

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : it’s unusually quiet

Uria : Yeah, well it’s because Richie and Eddie are offline.

stunning man : you’re right 🤔🤔

b-b-bilk : when is he never

_Chee unmuted the chat._

Uria : Well. It’s about to get loud.

Chee : GREETINGS HUMANSGAOIjhgjklkhvb

im SO FUCKING HAPPY : OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHAH

Uria : Tell me he didn’t fall down the stairs.

b-b-bilk : he fell down the stairs

Uria : _Why _am I friends with you guys?

Chee : Awwwww stan u don’t mean nuna dat

_Eds unmuted the chat._

Eds : ,,i’m going sober and I need more to drink

Chee : same tbh

b-b-bilk : just think of me as a bartender lmao

b-b-bilk : y’all I’m goin around to give y’all drinks what y’all want

stunning man : I don’t need anything alcoholic rn so can I get caprisun

b-b-bilk : lol aight

baby : just water please!

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : just a roll or two of weed

Chee : ^^ and a bottle of jack daniels

im SO FUCKIN HAPPY : we’re sharing, richie

Chee : fuck, okay

Eds : same as richie but bring me another one and a shot glass

b-b-bilk : fuck aight

_00:24 AM_

IM SO FUCKIN HAPPY : I. love you guys this IIS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER ASDFGHJKL;

Chee : YOURE WELCOME

Chee : BILL

b-b-bilk : what’s up

Chee : I need another roll ;(

Eds : STOP THE SAD WINKY FACE

Chee : ;(

Chee : ;(

Uria : Richie, I swear, if you start spamming the chat with sad winky faces I _will _murder you.

Chee : kinky

Chee : oh yeah, since we’re talking about kinks

Eds : don’t

Chee : ;)

stunning man : no thanks

Chee : but—

Uria : No.

Chee : y’all are no fun :(

IM SO FUCKING HAPPY : I’ll talk about kinks with you richie

Chee : thank you SHE IS THE ONLY VALID ONE HERE

baby : .

Chee : aside from Ben

baby : ilyt!

IM SO FUCKIN HAPPY : so,, kinks,,

Uria : NOT HERE.

IM SO FUCKIN HAPPY : jkjk lmao

baby : hhhhhhhhhhh i feel sleepy guys

Chee : what??? but it’s just turned midnight

IM SO FUCKIN HAPPY : THE MAN SAID HE WAS SLEEPY

IM SO FUCKIN HAPPY : DIBS ON MAGGIE’S ROOM IT’S THE BIGGEST AND I AM THE QUEEN BECAUSE IT’S MY BIRTHDAY

Uria : Well, technically, it’s 30 minutes into February 13, so it isn’t really your birthday anymore.

IM SO FUCKIN HAPPY : shush

Uria : But I’m tired too, so.

Chee : wtf. like it’s fucking 12am stanley.

b-b-bilk : he wants sleep Richard

Chee : ashjk pullin’ the full names on me, eh??

Chee : you guys can take Rhi’s room

b-b-bilk : aight byeeee

stunning man : guess i’m takin’ zoe’s room :’)

Chee : tch. I cant believe y’all. sleeping at 12.

Eds : I’m sleepy

Chee : this way to your room, your majesty

Eds : don’t call me that

IM SO FUCKIN HAPPY : s.m.i.t.t.e.n.

Chee : no

Chee : ANYWAYS me and edsykins are headin to bed for the night ;)

Eds : one, DONT CALL ME THAT

Eds : two, ew

Eds : three, you’re sleeping on the floor because no way am i sleeping with your big heavy ass body crushing me

Chee : oof

Chee : kicked out of my own bed

Chee : alright then

b-b-bilk : S.M.I.T.T.E.N.

Chee : tch. yeah. used to be so assertive. look at what you’ve done to me, eds

Eds : 🤘


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry for not updating for like 20 years. come at me if you want because i have no excuse ASDFGHJKL  
except for the fact i always forgot  
meh  
BTW  
when i write, i use microsoft word 2010 because yes and it just shut down in october!!! all my stories i wrote on there were all gone because i can't buy microsoft 2020 :( so i couldnt use the old chapters' references like their nicknames in this chapter cuz guess what!!! i wrote this off the internet. so. mild inconvience  
wtf i forg0t how to spELL  
anyways covid19 killed off my ability to spell and write my dear apologies if this is bad  
luv y'all <3

chicken >> moo

chicken : MIKE

moo : whst

moo : what

moo : i'm sleepy as fuck bitch what you want

chicken : like,,,

chicken : are we flirting

chicken : are we friends

chicken : or are we friends flirting???

moo : wait i thought u was in love with rich

chicken : I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU ASDFGHJK

moo : jkjk ikik 

moo : and honestly

moo : idk either

moo : i might work it out if you told me what you two was doing upstairs earlier ;)

chicken : we were talking

moo : 'wE wErE TaLkInG'

moo sent an image.

[the_spongebob_meme.jpg]

moo : abt what bitch

chicken : things

moo : EDWARD, I SWEAR TO GOD.

chicken : ASDFGHJKL SECRETS.

moo : .

moo : what secrets

chicken : it's a secret. duh. mf.

moo : jUST GIVE ME SOMETHING VAGUE

chicken : sex

moo : WHAT

chicken : SEXUALITY

chicken : FUCK I MEANT SEXUALITY I SWEAR

chicken : ISTG

moo : mhm

chicken : we were talking about how we came to like dudes and stuff and story of his extremely bisexual life

moo : okk,,, and

chicken : he was uh

chicken : it was a really sweet time i guess---

moo : ok

moo : idk eddie idk u should figure it out urself

chicken : ASDFGHJKL IDK THO

moo : asDFGHJK stOP IT BEV AND BEN ARE STIRRING BESIDE ME 

chicken : ARGHHHH WHATEV IM SLEEPY ANYWAYS

moo : aight bye chicken

-

February 14, 9:30 AM

losers on crack

  
Sadist : stol

Sadist : stop

Sadist : STOP IT

Sadist : RICHIE TURN IT OFF

Chee : what're u talking bout? ;)

Sadist : turn ofg the speakrr botch

Chee : tf

Chee : 'botch'

Sadist : shyt up i'm sleepy as hell

Chee : whatever groggy

b-b-bilk : he said turn it off tozier

Chee : turn what ofSDFKNCkhsagvv

ninetines : lol he got nuked

Sadist : By Eddie, I presume.

ninetines : lol he put on the grammar nazi mode quick

Sadist : BUT HE DIDNT TURN IT OFF

baby : turn what off?

baby : oh

Sadist : RICHIE SHUT IT WE FUCKING KNOW YOU'RE BI

i'M SO FUCKIN HAPPY : SHUT IT STANLEY

i'M SO FUCKIN HAPPY : THAT IS AN AMAZING SONG

b-b-bilk : ikr

i'M SO FUCKIN HAPPY : CAUSE IT'S TOO COOOOOOOLD

b-b-bilk : FOR YOU HEEEEEEREEEEE

ninetines : SO NOW JUST LET ME HOOOOOOOOLD

Chee : BOTH YOUR ARMS IN THE HOLES OF MY SWEATEEER

baby : the bisexual choir

Eds : WHATEVER. SWEATER WEATHERS A GOOD SONG BUT IT WOKE ME UP TOO EARLY

b-b-bilk : it's 9 am

Eds : TOO EARLY

Chee : WHATEVER

Chee : I HAVE THE MOST PAINFUL HANGOVER BUT I'M GONNA IGNORE IT BY BEING CHAOTIC

i'M SO FUCKIN HAPPY : literal mood

b-b-bilk : ok u do that im going back to bed

Eds : ^mood

Chee : ok u feral gremlin

Eds : excuse me

Eds : w ha t

Chee : feral

Chee : gremlin

Eds is typing...

Sadist : Okay, you two flirting are cute but I agree with Eddie on the fact it's too early.

Chee : u didn't even drink grandpa

Chee : anyways i HAVE AN IDEA FOR BEVERLY'S AFTERPARTY!!!!!!1!

Eds : no

Eds : you give the worst ideas

Chee : name one bad idea tf

Eds is typing...

9:43 AM

Chee : YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING 

Eds is typing...

9:48

Chee : YOU'RE FUCKING EXAGGERATING :(

Sadist : He isn't.

Eds is typing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANYWAYS i think my NOW ex-bf was leaving me on delivered for months on purpose, but he just replied 'haha ok' to the breakup message a few weeks ago and i'm now a free happy dude :)  
so so so sorry for the bigass hiatus, y'all can beat me and i plead guilty ;')

**Author's Note:**

> 🔷ok so like, fyi nobody is together yet, they all just flirt so rapidly omf  
oh, and, A Little Lady and The Lost Boys in the Dungeon are not real movies. I made them up on the spot-- but Rresident Evil: The Last Chapter is!!! and yeah🔷


End file.
